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thelizardqueen

New member
RE: Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Obviously because your friend broke up with her boyfriend over sex, and aknowledged the fact that she would cheat on him, she didn't love him unconditionally. And that is what a spouse it supposed to do, as well as a good friend. I dunno, maybe give her a bit of time to digest the whole of CF. I don't think someone can understand CF in two weeks. It sucks that she hasn't aknowledged your email about it, but CF is a serious and tough one to deal with. I'm not sure what to tell you about dumping her, or leaving the door open. Only you can make that decision.
 
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thelizardqueen

New member
RE: Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Obviously because your friend broke up with her boyfriend over sex, and aknowledged the fact that she would cheat on him, she didn't love him unconditionally. And that is what a spouse it supposed to do, as well as a good friend. I dunno, maybe give her a bit of time to digest the whole of CF. I don't think someone can understand CF in two weeks. It sucks that she hasn't aknowledged your email about it, but CF is a serious and tough one to deal with. I'm not sure what to tell you about dumping her, or leaving the door open. Only you can make that decision.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>MyNewfy</b></i><br>
Do you dump 'em or leave the door ajar?<hr></blockquote>

It is, of course, up to you. But I'd go with the former.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>MyNewfy</b></i><br>
Do you dump 'em or leave the door ajar?<hr></blockquote>

It is, of course, up to you. But I'd go with the former.
 
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Allie

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Scrape 'em off. They aren't worth it. Here's what I've learned about this subject. When Ry was healthy, he had a few friends like this, they were uncomfortable with his CF, so Ry avoided the topic, didn't really tell them about it, etc. And when Ry started to get really sick, those people turned to "Oh, you're boring, no need to hang out anymore" Now, he had one really good friend that stuck by to the bitter end, but it wasn't worth all the time he spent being friends with those other people that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

And that thing about cheating on someone who's terminally ill disgusts me. Makes me literally ill. How anyone could do that, I won't understand, or even consider it. Needing to cheat on someone who's ill should tell you about the klind of person she is.

My vote is tallied.
 
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Allie

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Scrape 'em off. They aren't worth it. Here's what I've learned about this subject. When Ry was healthy, he had a few friends like this, they were uncomfortable with his CF, so Ry avoided the topic, didn't really tell them about it, etc. And when Ry started to get really sick, those people turned to "Oh, you're boring, no need to hang out anymore" Now, he had one really good friend that stuck by to the bitter end, but it wasn't worth all the time he spent being friends with those other people that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

And that thing about cheating on someone who's terminally ill disgusts me. Makes me literally ill. How anyone could do that, I won't understand, or even consider it. Needing to cheat on someone who's ill should tell you about the klind of person she is.

My vote is tallied.
 
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miesl

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

From what you've said... I'm also going to sit on the "Lose her, she's not worth it" side of the fence.

She was willing to cheat on a boyfriend because he was sick.

You have to answer this question for yourself... Do you think she'll stay by your side as a good friend when YOU get sick? If not... she's not worth your time when you're well.
 
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miesl

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

From what you've said... I'm also going to sit on the "Lose her, she's not worth it" side of the fence.

She was willing to cheat on a boyfriend because he was sick.

You have to answer this question for yourself... Do you think she'll stay by your side as a good friend when YOU get sick? If not... she's not worth your time when you're well.
 
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littledebbie

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Hmmmmmmm......again realizing why I am a loner <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I say ditch her, but then again I don't mind spending my Saturday nights alone either, so it's a personal choice. Not everyone is cut out to take on our stuff, but that doesn't mean that they're not fun to hang out with. You could keep her but move her off the bestfriend list to more of a "fun friend" list.

Also, this sounds a little weak even to me, but is it possible that she just doesn't really know what to say now, maybe she's akward with how to go from here? I mean you've been friends a long time and she just gets around to asking you about this only to learn it's a lot more serious than she probably thought. You might contact her and give her a chance to dig herself out of this before you dump her for good.
 
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littledebbie

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Hmmmmmmm......again realizing why I am a loner <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I say ditch her, but then again I don't mind spending my Saturday nights alone either, so it's a personal choice. Not everyone is cut out to take on our stuff, but that doesn't mean that they're not fun to hang out with. You could keep her but move her off the bestfriend list to more of a "fun friend" list.

Also, this sounds a little weak even to me, but is it possible that she just doesn't really know what to say now, maybe she's akward with how to go from here? I mean you've been friends a long time and she just gets around to asking you about this only to learn it's a lot more serious than she probably thought. You might contact her and give her a chance to dig herself out of this before you dump her for good.
 
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anonymous

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

I think Debbie's onto something here. I didn't get what it was like to be a new mother until I became one.

And I'm kind of a loner too, so when Rip was getting sicker I just sort of leveled with everyone and if a friend dropped away I don't chase them or dump them- just let them drop away.

At his funeral one friend (and her husband) who hadn't stayed in touch was really nice to me and sad and all. I was kind of miffed and said "where were you when he was alive" and she said "I didn't know what to say or do". That night she went home to find out her younger brother was diagnosed with stage 4b pancreatic cancer (that's the fast bad kind). Now, I sort of know what to do to be a friend to her now - but for just a moment I thought of withholding (in vengeance you know), but didn't. We've had some close conversations since then and she's actually said that it's nice to talk with someone who "gets it" and now she "gets it" too and knows what she could have done for Rip and me and that she's sorry she didn't know before. And I said "I know that you didn't 'get it' then, but, you know, I like my friends a whole lot - I don't really know that I want them to have the pain they'd need to 'get it.'"

People are who they are - and a lot of that has to do with what life experiences they've already had--and not everyone is good at sharing really intimate scarey stuff.
I think the idea of the light note (like you used to send her) is a good idea to keep the conversation going. CF is probably so outside of her experience that she probably doesn't even know what to say right now.

Keeping you in my heart,
LisaV
 
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anonymous

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

I think Debbie's onto something here. I didn't get what it was like to be a new mother until I became one.

And I'm kind of a loner too, so when Rip was getting sicker I just sort of leveled with everyone and if a friend dropped away I don't chase them or dump them- just let them drop away.

At his funeral one friend (and her husband) who hadn't stayed in touch was really nice to me and sad and all. I was kind of miffed and said "where were you when he was alive" and she said "I didn't know what to say or do". That night she went home to find out her younger brother was diagnosed with stage 4b pancreatic cancer (that's the fast bad kind). Now, I sort of know what to do to be a friend to her now - but for just a moment I thought of withholding (in vengeance you know), but didn't. We've had some close conversations since then and she's actually said that it's nice to talk with someone who "gets it" and now she "gets it" too and knows what she could have done for Rip and me and that she's sorry she didn't know before. And I said "I know that you didn't 'get it' then, but, you know, I like my friends a whole lot - I don't really know that I want them to have the pain they'd need to 'get it.'"

People are who they are - and a lot of that has to do with what life experiences they've already had--and not everyone is good at sharing really intimate scarey stuff.
I think the idea of the light note (like you used to send her) is a good idea to keep the conversation going. CF is probably so outside of her experience that she probably doesn't even know what to say right now.

Keeping you in my heart,
LisaV
 
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Faust

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

I dunno...I have been very lucky I guess to have a handful of real good life long friends. To me you don't need a ton of friends, just 3-5 maybe that have known you a real long time and accept you. Even though several of my friends and I have grown apart distance wise, we know when our lives allow us to be around each other, we are back to being 16 all over again and actin like goofy teenagers for the time we got around each other. I know it's "growing up", but seeing your goofy friend that you know crapped his pants in the woods or you were with when he lost his virginity or other weird stories of youth, that now he has 4 daughters and is "daddy", cracks me all up big time. His daughter came and hung out with me when I was at their place and was groaing because daddy had to spank her for something...I told her "Don't tell daddy, but he once crapped his pants in front of a ton of his friends". She thought that was awesome.
 
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Faust

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

I dunno...I have been very lucky I guess to have a handful of real good life long friends. To me you don't need a ton of friends, just 3-5 maybe that have known you a real long time and accept you. Even though several of my friends and I have grown apart distance wise, we know when our lives allow us to be around each other, we are back to being 16 all over again and actin like goofy teenagers for the time we got around each other. I know it's "growing up", but seeing your goofy friend that you know crapped his pants in the woods or you were with when he lost his virginity or other weird stories of youth, that now he has 4 daughters and is "daddy", cracks me all up big time. His daughter came and hung out with me when I was at their place and was groaing because daddy had to spank her for something...I told her "Don't tell daddy, but he once crapped his pants in front of a ton of his friends". She thought that was awesome.
 
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anonymous

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Perhaps she is having computer problems and she did not receive your email as of yet? Could you call her and see if she got it? IF so and she says yes I got it and does not reply then you know she is cold and not good enough for you. PEople who do not get it are not good enough period.

Just like we date boys and boys date girls one day you realize who the right one is. I say girlfriends are like that too. There has to be a trust and sincerity. Like simon on American idol says, "Does she have the like-able factor" from the sounds it I say no.

Risa
 
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anonymous

New member
RE:Non-CF friends not getting it. *PART2

Perhaps she is having computer problems and she did not receive your email as of yet? Could you call her and see if she got it? IF so and she says yes I got it and does not reply then you know she is cold and not good enough for you. PEople who do not get it are not good enough period.

Just like we date boys and boys date girls one day you realize who the right one is. I say girlfriends are like that too. There has to be a trust and sincerity. Like simon on American idol says, "Does she have the like-able factor" from the sounds it I say no.

Risa
 
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