If you are NOT working I have a question for ya

[coltsfan715]

Hey there,
I was just wondering how others with CF that are not working or in school handle the questions - So What do you do? Are you in school? Where do you work? What do you do all day?

I am not currently working or in school I am 23. I am trying to find a job, but am having a hard time finding part time work near my home that is flexible. I feel so ashamed/embarassed everytime people ask me what I do or where I work and I say nothing or I don't work and they just look at me like WHAT?!?! Like I am a waste of space or not contributing anything to society. I do volunteer on occasion at the local CFF and that never seems to satisfy people - the people closest to me don't bother me about it they understand but it is other "acquaintance" types that make comments. I know I shouldn't let it bother me - other people's opinions and all - I just like to feel like I contribute to things and am already down about not working and all and other people making comments gets to me.

Just wondering how any of you guys that are in similar situations handle it. I am just getting tired of trying to explain why I can't work or why I am not working and the whole problem with Health Insurance, My health and so on.

Lindsey

 

[miesl]

Did you go to school?

If you did, a good reply might be, I was in school and haven't needed a paying job until now. Otherwise, I've done volunteer work.

 

[coltsfan715]

To answer one ques. Yes I did go to school (3 yrs) I have my A.A in History and am trying to save money from disability to take my last class for my A.S in Business and from there I would like to go on to get my BA in History, but need to save up the money first because all of my scholarships ran out.

Yeah I totally see what you mean about not working and people that are more sick or sicker in ways that do work - that is pert of what gets to me because I KNOW I am capable. I mainly haven't worked yet because of losing disability and being sick with no insurance and all. I did work fulltime for a year or so before I started college and parttime for a short time while I was in college, but had a very difficult time with getting sick every month or so and needing meds cause I was getting so run down.

I have spoken with some people and tried to get things worked out so I can work -I have finally made some headway so it is getting better in that respect. I guess I am just having a down day about the whole thing. I try explaining it to people when they ask I am just self conscious about it anyway - so I guess that makes it more of an issue for me. When people ask about it. Who knows I am a goober about that stuff <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">. I just don't want to be perceived as being a freeloader - people that I know have made comments to me and my fiance about me not working and him having to pay for everything - even though he doesn't cause I pay for what I need out of my disability I try to be as independent as possible, but I know how it can be seen.

I will stop rambling now because I am going on and on about nothing in particular. Thanks for listening/reading my babble and thanks for the support. I figured someone else on here would understand and be able to shed some light on how they handle being in the situation if they ever are or if they let it get to them and all.
Thanks again I appreciate it.

Linds

 

[thelizardqueen]

I completly understand how you feel Lindsey. I haven't been working since July of last year, and its hard and embarrasing to tell people that you don't. I simply tell people that I am currently looking for work, but focused on my health in the mean time. Its still kind of hard to explain, so I'm thankful that I don't have to on a regular basis.

 

[Faust]

I had a good line that wasn't a lie when people (mostly women when out in bars) would ask me the what do you do question. I would tell them I am financially independent and an insurance investor. #1 I was financially independent, and #2 I was indeed an insurance investor. Not my fault if they thought something else from my reply <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

I totally understand what you mean. I went to school and became aSurgical technician and after I graduated took a little time off because I was so tired from it, and I got horrible sick and almost died. After that my health was so bad. I am now doing the evaluation for a lung TX. I haven't worked at all since I graduated because it's just been way too hard. I also feel stupid when people ask e what I do and I have to explain, it makes me feel so bad but I'm just too sick at the moment and can't help it. But I stopped feeling that way because there was nothing I could do and I wasn't gonna feel bad because other people might think I should be doing something. So you shouldn't feel bad about it, your sick and need to do what you feel you can do. If you can't work then you can't work, you need to take care of yourself and that's a full time job in itself!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[ClashPunk82]

OOPS, forgot to log in, that was me above!

 

[Scarlett81]

I tell people-yeah, just keeping myself alive is a full time job. And there's no pay and no benefits and no guarantees.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

Seriously, though. My hubby works full time and makes good money. Even if I didn't have Cf, I wouldn't have to work. (although heck yeah I would!)
But most people that know me know my situation and obviously understand. I've had a few people mention my name in a negative context-like 'ask Christian to do it, she doesnt do anything.'
I hurts alot. But, bravo to you for even feeling good enough to try to look for a job. And if people don't accept volunteering as a valuable thing to do with your time-screw them. It's the most giving thing a person can do.
I do volunteer work also, and I know what you mean. People act like it doesn't count. Doesn't make sense does it? We do something that contributes to the world and people with paying jobs judge us?!
But I try very hard to be comfortable with myself and my limitations. So that it doesn't bother me too much when I'm exposed to the stigma of not working in our society. I have gone through it too...thinking what do I really contribute to this world? I've thought 'I really do nothing, but care for myself, so what is that?' But it's just getting too philosophical really.

And we do contribute to the world. Just being here is doing that, encouraging others. And keeping ourselves alive for the ones that love us. That's what my hubby always says to me when I get down about this topic.

 

[JazzysMom]

I use to get upset not at the comments as much as feeling like a failure to myself when I had to stop working. My doctor pointed out to me that I wasnt given anything up, I was shifting my priorities from a place of employment outside the house to my house. I am know proud to say that I am a Domestic Goddess!

 

[coltsfan715]

Thanks so much guys for the replies. It has helped cheer me up a bit, like I said I think just got a little frustrated and discouraged this afternoon.
Also
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I had a good line that wasn't a lie when people (mostly women when out in bars) would ask me the what do you do question. I would tell them I am financially independent and an insurance investor. #1 I was financially independent, and #2 I was indeed an insurance investor. Not my fault if they thought something else from my reply </end quote></div>

Too Funny. I sometimes try to come up with something like that to say that will answer the question in a vague way and leave people to imagine what it is I do lol.

Thanks again guys I appreciate it. I hope some others in the same situation are able to benefit from this thread also, not feeling alone in the situation and getting some ideas on how to deal with it.

Have a good evening.
Lindsey

 

[Faust]

Heh when I was doing the voc rehab thing, one of the jobs listed was "Chick Sexer", which sounds funny to guys, but it's an actual job where someone at a chicken plant stands around and spreads baby chicken legs to find out what sex they are. Of course I found this was funny, so whenever a very unattractive/annoying woman would ask me what I did, i'd always tell her I was a "Chick Sexer". Of course it just went down hill from there, but it was fine with me and made for some good laughs.

 

[coltsfan715]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Heh when I was doing the voc rehab thing, one of the jobs listed was "Chick Sexer", which sounds funny to guys, but it's an actual job where someone at a chicken plant stands around and spreads baby chicken legs to find out what sex they are. Of course I found this was funny, so whenever a very unattractive/annoying woman would ask me what I did, i'd always tell her I was a "Chick Sexer". Of course it just went down hill from there, but it was fine with me and made for some good laughs. </end quote></div>

Okay I would have to laugh at you if I just met you and you said that too me as what you did and just ask if you were serious. It just sounds hysterical to hear - especially not knowing what it is and imagining what it could be. That is great. hehe.

Thanks for the laugh
Linds

 

[RoyalPrince]

i know exactly how you feel about people asking about your job and being ashamed to tell them you don't do anything... i hate that... i have a bachelors in recreation and tourism with a minor in business administration and kinda leaned toward business when i graduated because everything recreation was nonexistant thanks to our great president and his defense spending... u have found it quite tuff to find a position fitting for me and cf both... currently i get SSI and SSDI so i get some money on top of what i make each month and my benefits will start in april... so i hope i can get a regular nice paying position tho it would mean less if not totally stop the extra money each month but i'm banking on making enough that i won't miss it... also i could keep the benefits that start in april so finding a job with great benefits isn't such a top priority anymore..tho i will not stop looking for the best of both pay and insurance...

 

[Faust]

You could also tell annoying women that you are a prostitute taxidermist. That one always gets a weird look from them.

 

[anonymous]

people ask me too..i just tell them that my husband works..they can infer what they want..usually i get a response like, wow, must benice or i wish i could do that..its actually none of there business..i use to feel weird about it but now i don't
catherine

 

[anonymous]

I have struggled with this for the last several years since I stopped working. Yeah I totally know what you mean by wasted space etc. I actually come right out and say I have CF and it has caused me to cut back on working and just take care of myself. I have found that to be the easiest way to handle it. The people you are talking to sure seem to think that is a good enough answer. But all in all it is not about what others think it is about what you think and what you know in your heart is the right thing for you to do. I try to not care what people think cause it is not about them it is about me, and how I feel about myself and God helps me through it. Sometimes I joke and say I am a stay at home mom with no kids. ha ha

Hang in there and NEVER think you are unworthy because our messed up society judges us on what we do. You do have a job and that is living with CF and that is a FULL TIME job plus!!!


Be proud of who you are and try not to measure your worthiness by what society dictates.


Jennifer 34 Years old with CF and CFRD

 

[Purplelungz]

I tell people that I wish I could work but if I did I would loose medicaid and my state insurance and I would not be able to afford any meds or hospital visits even with a great job. I also briefly state that even if I had a great full time job i would be sick so much I might loose the job, or my health just decline even faster. That usually shuts them up or gets them to ask more questions about cf. So far I havent had much problem with comments, that I hear anyway. When i do hear them I just come back with a equally as rude comment that makes them feel bad, such as 'sorry i'm not willing to shave years off my already short life just so YOU can be happy i have a job'. which either makes them be quiet or go "oh well I didnt mean blah blah blah" i find that its usually jealousy that makes the rude comments, they want to be the ones not having to work, but they just dont get that us not working comes at a huge price. and they dont understand how come we want to work either. So just tell them the truth its the ony way to get the comments to stop. You will still get some but you can always tell them something that will make them feel as bad as their comments made you feel. And it doesnt have to be a lie either. People just dont get that cf or not sick or disabled people just cant work for either their health or because if they got a job and lost some insurance assistance that it would be harder on them because they couldnt afford what they need. They just think job= money so you can pay for it, they dont get medical anything=more than you have.
ok i'm sorry i got on a rant. just tell them the truth. you can be brief about it or tell them a long story. either way they will get off your case. and if they keep at it and say they are teasing tell them it hurts your feelings and they dont understand what its like to want to do something but cant.

 

[Brad]

Or You could say You work for the Goverment and cannot
talk about Your work !


Wait , thats what I do ,,,,,

 

[ClashPunk82]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Brad</b></i>

Or You could say You work for the Goverment and cannot

talk about Your work !





Wait , thats what I do ,,,,,</end quote></div>



LOL, ya say if I told you I would have to kill you! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">