On Oprah today it had parents who push their kids to strive & work hard at certain things. One Dad "trained" his 9 year old son 7 days a week with the plans of him being an NFL Player. Oprah ??? if he was meeting his own unfulfilled dreams thru his son which got me thinking. Are there any CFers who are parents that either have or continue to push their kids to do things because they wanted to & couldnt or just never did themselves. I have lots of things I want Jazz to do that I didnt, but if I suggest it & she isnt interested that I leave it even if I am totally disappointed. Just curious!
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Living your dreams thru your children
- Thread starter JazzysMom
- Start date
My two year old has more energy than any of us could ever wish for ... I haven't yet but do plan on giving her every opportunity to TRY damn near everything I can put her into .. dance, ballet, baseball, soccer, swimming, you name it i'm going to enroll her .... not all at once but you know ... and if she doesn't like it fine but at least she's tried it !!! So I'm not going to push her to succeed in everything but at least give anything a chance ....
Is this wrong or a good thing ???
Is this wrong or a good thing ???
M
Markus
Guest
I want my boys that are not even born yet to become Marines nothing would make me more proud I tired to join but they turned me away because of CF. I think I would push them to a certain point but who know...I will let you know when they arrive 
I think thats the best approach Tess.....I do that with Jazmine. I wasnt given a lot of opportunities as a kid. Actually my siblings werent either so it wasnt because of my CF. I want my daughter to at least try things, but the rule is that if she starts something she has to see it thru for that time period. Like Soccer....she did it for a few years & then didnt want to do anymore. So once she finished the last season out that was it for her (for now anyway).
I try really hard not to do this to Ahava, recognizing that she is her own person. I wanted her to take violin, but she wasn;'t interested, she has her own thing with her art. And much as I want her to be an honor student, I have to remember that she's Ahava. I just expose her to stuff that we are interested in....peacekeepers, symphony, theater, literature, and so far, she shows an interest in some of those things.
I have a friend (Mom to one of Jazmine's friends) who pushes her son. I always tell her that if Jazmine has a natural talent for something that I would try to nurture that, but otherwise I would rather her be a well rounded kid. I guess basically be "average", BUT 100% happy rather than push her to excel at something & not be 100% happy!
I, like Tess have had my daughter try different sports and so far soccer is the only one that has stuck. I just wanted her to learn the basics of basketball, tennis, soccer, swim, etc & if any of them interest her, then that's great. If not, then that's OK too.
One thing I don't go for is her being a couch potato. There are times I've made her turn off the TV (after a couple of hours or more of watching it) and get outside to do something, it doesn't matter what, just to be active.
I grew up without much as a kid so I know I over indulge her with toys, clothes, etc. and that probably isn't right. I just remember how that felt to not have what the other kids had....so I guess in that aspect I live my dreams thru my child???
One thing I don't go for is her being a couch potato. There are times I've made her turn off the TV (after a couple of hours or more of watching it) and get outside to do something, it doesn't matter what, just to be active.
I grew up without much as a kid so I know I over indulge her with toys, clothes, etc. and that probably isn't right. I just remember how that felt to not have what the other kids had....so I guess in that aspect I live my dreams thru my child???
You know what bothers me the most about my son who is 9 with cf? He loves sports - football, baseball and basketball - and he is very good and talented - (his dad had colleges after him to play football and basketball). I practice and help in any way - but he loves it! The thing that's going to be upsetting to me is that if CF slows him down and gets in the way (which yes I know it will some day)! But for now he really does good. This week he's in basketball camp from 9-11 and baseball games at night. I guess we let him make his own decisions but we help him do his best and practice with him. He had 4 double plays last night!! OK proud mom!! He tryed tumbling and hip hop this year too. Did good!
Mother of 9 yr old boy wcf
Mother of 9 yr old boy wcf
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>
The thing that's going to be upsetting to me is that if CF slows him down and gets in the way (which yes I know it will some day)!
Mother of 9 yr old boy wcf</end quote></div>
This has been the hardest thing for me to watch. Josh is a great athlete, but over the past year he's seen some changes in his stamina and strength. Being so small, he really struggled with his last year of baseball. He was an exceptional second baseman, but didn't have the power to hit the ball very far. He felt that he wasn't playing up to his own standards and quit. It was heartbreaking to see him put himself through this. We didn't put any pressure on him either way but we were so sad for him. He did the same thing with basketball this year. Even more sad is that all of his friends were jocks, so he really took himself away from his peer group too.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
The thing that's going to be upsetting to me is that if CF slows him down and gets in the way (which yes I know it will some day)!
Mother of 9 yr old boy wcf</end quote></div>
This has been the hardest thing for me to watch. Josh is a great athlete, but over the past year he's seen some changes in his stamina and strength. Being so small, he really struggled with his last year of baseball. He was an exceptional second baseman, but didn't have the power to hit the ball very far. He felt that he wasn't playing up to his own standards and quit. It was heartbreaking to see him put himself through this. We didn't put any pressure on him either way but we were so sad for him. He did the same thing with basketball this year. Even more sad is that all of his friends were jocks, so he really took himself away from his peer group too.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
S
skh
Guest
We've always tried to let our children make their own decisions as to what they would like to join. I have always tried to encourage them at whatever they do. Isn't it amazing that whatever your child is into at the moment so are you? Like when they're interested in soccer then you're the person out there practicing with them every night?! I always feel so bad for my kids cuz I basically stink at most sports - now shopping is another story!
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>skh</b></i>
We've always tried to let our children make their own decisions as to what they would like to join. I have always tried to encourage them at whatever they do. Isn't it amazing that whatever your child is into at the moment so are you? Like when they're interested in soccer then you're the person out there practicing with them every night?! I always feel so bad for my kids cuz I basically stink at most sports - now shopping is another story!</end quote></div>
When Shoe Shopping (I believe that is your speciality) becomes an Olympic Sport I will nominate you to respresent us here on the forum!
We've always tried to let our children make their own decisions as to what they would like to join. I have always tried to encourage them at whatever they do. Isn't it amazing that whatever your child is into at the moment so are you? Like when they're interested in soccer then you're the person out there practicing with them every night?! I always feel so bad for my kids cuz I basically stink at most sports - now shopping is another story!</end quote></div>
When Shoe Shopping (I believe that is your speciality) becomes an Olympic Sport I will nominate you to respresent us here on the forum!
S
skh
Guest
My 19 yr. old daughter and I would kick butt if that every happened!
Scarlett81
New member
I can't speak from experience yet-but I feel that if my child is healthy -he/she will be able to already do what I couldn't, and live with so much less worry than I have to-and that's enough for me.
I agree with what Melissa said-I'd rather have a well rounded "normal" kid than a rocket scientist! To me, as long as they are confident, and treat others with respect-go out of their way for other people, work hard-that's all I care about.
If they are all those things then fine- they can get married, have the suv and live in the suburbs with a dog and a cat-a basic average but a happy existance! I think the number one is how you treat others!
I agree with what Melissa said-I'd rather have a well rounded "normal" kid than a rocket scientist! To me, as long as they are confident, and treat others with respect-go out of their way for other people, work hard-that's all I care about.
If they are all those things then fine- they can get married, have the suv and live in the suburbs with a dog and a cat-a basic average but a happy existance! I think the number one is how you treat others!
Scarlett81
New member
Just to add another thought-I think if you hold over your kids their whole life the attitude-Climb Mt. Everest, I couldn't do that! Play soccer till you're Beckham, I could never do that!.....it develops this attitude in them. An insecurity. I think the worst thing you can do to a kid is to constantly tell them to "be grateful" for something, b/c depending on what it is, they'll feel worthless-like it's all they deserve.
I love my mother, but as an adopted child, she always told me to be grateful-and it made me insecure, and made me feel that I just deserved the minimum-that just me being alive was enough, and forget about the extra happinesses.
I guess I just want to try to be aware of that as a parent, especially since my illness will be a big part of their life.
I love my mother, but as an adopted child, she always told me to be grateful-and it made me insecure, and made me feel that I just deserved the minimum-that just me being alive was enough, and forget about the extra happinesses.
I guess I just want to try to be aware of that as a parent, especially since my illness will be a big part of their life.