pLeAsE hElP!!!!!!!

[anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He knows I have CF, but he doesn't know much about it. I know he has read some stuff on the net about it, but I do not know what he has read. I just can't get up the couarge to talk to him a bout it. I did tell him when we first started going out not to look anythink up about it because it all sounds bad in the stuff you read and especially in some the old books about it, which I also think the got a hold of. But anyways, I wan't to have the courage to talk to him about it. Sometimes I say things about it hoping it will start a conversation about it, but it never works, probably b/c when we first started dating, I told him I didn't like to talk about it when he tried to ask me something. I also kind of treat him bad. I know why I did it, it's because I always treat those I love bad. I do this b/c I don't want them to get attached to me and then loose me. I did finally admit to him why I treated him like I do and I apoligized and said I was going to change. He said he would help me and be there for me, but I still can't have an in depth conversation about CF with him. Please help.Sara 17 w/cf

 

[anonymous]

Nobody wants to be treated badly. If you want to talk to him about it, then just say so. Ask him if he has any questions that he needs answered. Dave 29 w/cf

 

[anonymous]

I have been married to a man w/CF for 20 years now. I still remember the night he told me that he had CF. We were getting serious and he knew that he couldn't keep it from me anymore. He gave me the basics but didn't have the answers to the kinds of questions that I needed answered -- most importantly, what was I getting myself into. I stayed calm when he told me and then took it upon myself to call the CF association the next day to ask the kinds of questions that I knew that I couldn't ask him. (Like, how long does he have to live?) Then, it was 30-years-old. Know, it's more like 50. My advice to you is to tell your boyfriend what you know about the disease and how it affects you. How might it affect him and/or the time that you two will spend together. You're young and marriage may not be something that you're considering. But the restrictions that CF might put on what you can/not do, the digestive restrictions (and maybe why you have to take medicine after meals and sometimes get a stomach ache) are probably as much as he needs to know at this point. Don't be afraid that he reads about all of the "bad stuff" about the disease -- but do be prepared to let him know how it has affected you. After all, the CF disease affects everyone to different degrees and, with my husband now close to 48 years old, it's affect has certainly been different for him than others. You can't control how others will act to your CF -- you can just be honest and let them make the decisions about their life that they have to make. About your emotions -- it's important that you recognize what you're doing and why My husband does the same thing to a degree -- and, there is help out there for you to talk to someone about how to deal w/the emotional side of CF. Seek out a support group as well since there are many others out there facing the same problems as you. I wish you the best and hope that you live life to the fullest possible.

 

[anonymous]

I do agree with the person who said nobody wants to be treated badly. Perhaps you do not treat him as bad as you think but your lack of love or lack of attention that you would like to give him gets shut down because you feel he might leave you one day either because of CF or because you did not want to get close etc...I do not know you but you are wasting your time and his time if you cannot live in the moment and be honest and not play games.Life is so short before you know it he might leave if you keep up your behavior. It is never too late to change and apologizing is a wise thing to do. you might get closer to him if you can vent how you feel. Tell him if you are scared of cf. If you are afraid he will bolt if he knew about CF then perhaps you would want him to bolt because he is being treated badly by you. Your actions could be a cover up because you are afraid of losing him. You sound very young and inexperienced in relationships. It is never too late to start smelling the roses. He just might be a diamond in the rough and if you let him get away or push him away you will be sorry one lonely day

 

[anonymous]

It is very easy to push people away with CF, I have done it a number of times my self. But if you really feel for this guy then you have to open up, as hard as it might be you have to do it. You will find in life that the need to talk about CF will arise, one day you will have a good job that will require you to share you have CF, being honest and open is the best way to do it. I hear what you are saying about treating those you love badly to push them away then to have them deal with your pain or future demise --- but let those people make the decision of whether or not they want to be there for you, that is there choice to make. And Julia Roberts put it so well in Steel magnolias ---- 'I rather have a moment of something wonderful, than a life time of nothing' -- something like that. Give your guy a chance, open up, if he can't handle it then he isn't meant to be, but it sounds like he is wanting to be there for you. You have alot of life ahead of you, start it off on the right foot and open up, it is like ripping of a bandaid that has been on to long, but once off the pain disappears. Hope I helped.Sarah 27 w/CF

 

[anonymous]

The next time you have to go to the Doctor ask him if he will go with you then from there start the conversation like, I know in the past I said I do not want to talk about CF but now I have thought about it and it is cool to talk to me. Do you have any questions about CF?Or you can just say I have been thinking about CF lately and I want to talk to you about some of things that bother me. Perhaps you can learn and maybe help me.Try to be spontaneous. Once you open up you will find another world inside. He obviously cares alot about you. I am sure you do not treat him as badly as you think you do but perhaps you will learn to accept yourself for the person that you are CF and all then you will see a whole new side of yourself that will blossom and mature emotionally and spiritually.Try not to protect others from getting hurt from you by pushing them away as this is not good for you. CF is not the only illness in the world yes it does affect your life but it does not have to rule your life. If you push him away or not communicate your thoughts and fears then the CF will appear larger and larger instead of acceptance where you will not even think CF is a big deal.IF you had to imagine yourself inside a circle how big would the CF be? Would you as a whole person be a tiny portion and the CF a big portion or would yourself be whole and complete and the CF is just a part somewhere in the circle?This is something that I with CF at the age of Seventeen imagined and eventually worked on in my lifetime.Best of success with life