Just want to thank? all of you for your educa?tiona?l email?s over the
past years?.?.?.?.?.?.
?
BECAU?SE OF THE INFO CONTA?INED IN THOSE? EMAIL?S.?.?.?.?.?.?.?.?.?.
?
I no longe?r open a publi?c bathr?oom door witho?ut using? a
paper? towel?.
?
I can'?t use the remot?e in a hotel? room becau?se I don'?t know what the
last perso?n was doing? while? flipp?ing throu?gh the adult? movie? chann?els.
?
I can'?t sit down on the hotel? bedsp?read becau?se I can only imagi?ne
what has happe?ned on it since? it was last washe?d.
?
I can'?t enjoy? lemon? slice?s in my tea or on my seafo?od anymo?re becau?se
lemon? peels? conta?in all kinds? of nasty? germs?
inclu?ding feces?.
?
I have troub?le shaki?ng hands? with someo?ne who has been drivi?ng becau?se
the numbe?r one pass-?time while? drivi?ng alone? is picki?ng your nose
(?Altho?ugh cell phone? usage? may be takin?g the numbe?r one spot)?
I can'?t touch? any woman?'?s purse? for fear she has place?d it on the
floor? of a publi?c bathr?oom.
? Yuck!?
I must send my speci?al thank?s to whoev?er sent me the one about? poop in
the glue on envel?opes becau?se I now have to use a wet spong?e with
every? envel?ope that needs? seali?ng.
?
Also,? now I have to scrub? the top of every? can I open for the same
reaso?n.
?
I no longe?r have any savin?gs becau?se I gave it to a sick girl (?Penny?
Brown?)? who is about? to die in the hospi?tal for the 1,?387,?258th? time.
?
I no longe?r have any money? at all, but that will chang?e once I recei?ve
the $?15,?000 that Bill Gates?/?Micro?soft and AOL are sendi?ng me for
parti?cipat?ing in their? speci?al e-?mail progr?am.
?
I no longe?r worry? about? my soul becau?se I have 363,?214 angel?s looki?ng
out for me, and St. There?sa'?s noven?a has grant?ed my every? wish.
?
I no longe?r use cance?r-?causi?ng deodo?rants? even thoug?h I smell? like a
water? buffa?lo on a hot day.
Thank?s to you, I have learn?ed that my praye?rs only get answe?red if I
forwa?rd an email? to seven? of my frien?ds and make a wish withi?n five
minut?es.
?
Becau?se of your conce?rn I no longe?r drink? Coca Cola becau?se it can
remov?e toile?t stain?s.
?
I no longe?r can buy gasol?ine witho?ut takin?g someo?ne along? to watch? the
car so a seria?l kille?r won'?t crawl? in my back seat when I'm pumpi?ng
gas.
I no longe?r use Saran? wrap in the micro?wave becau?se it cause?s cance?r.
?
And thank?s for letti?ng me know I can'?t boil a cup of water? in the
micro?wave anymo?re becau?se it will blow up in my face.?.?.
?disfi?gurin?g me
for life.
?
I no longe?r check? the coin retur?n on pay phone?s becau?se I could? be
prick?ed with a needl?e infec?ted with AIDS.
?
I no longe?r recei?ve packa?ges from UPS or FedEx? since? they are actua?lly
Al Qaeda? in disgu?ise.
?
I no longe?r answe?r the phone? becau?se someo?ne will ask me to dial a
numbe?r for which? I will get a phone? bill with calls? to Jamai?ca ,
Ugand?a , Singa?pore and Uzbek?istan? .
>
>
>
> I no longe?r buy expen?sive cooki?es from Neima?n Marcu?s since? I now have
> their? recip?e.
?
>
>
>
> Thank?s to you, I can'?t use anyon?e'?s toile?t but mine becau?se a big
> brown? Afric?an spide?r is lurki?ng under? the seat to cause? me insta?nt
> death? when it bites? my butt.
?
>
>
>
> And thank?s to your great? advic?e,? I can'?t ever pick up $5.
00 dropp?ed in
> the parki?ng lot becau?se it proba?bly was place?d there? by a sex moles?ter
> waiti?ng under?neath? my car to grab my leg.
>
>
>
> I can no longe?r drive? my car becau?se I can'?t buy gas from certa?in gas
> compa?nies!?
>
>
>
> If you don'?t send this e-?mail to at least? 144,?000 peopl?e in the next
> 70 minut?es,? a large? dove with diarr?hea will land on your head at 5:00
> PM this after?noon and the fleas? from 12 camel?s will infes?t your back,?
> causi?ng you to grow a hairy? hump.
? I know this will occur? becau?se it
> actua?lly happe?ned to a frien?d of my next door neigh?bor'?s
> ex-?mothe?r-?in-?law'?s secon?d husba?nd'?s cousi?n'?s beaut?ician?.?.?.
?
>
>
>
> Have a wonde?rful day.?.?.
?
>
>
>
> Oh, by the way.?.?.?.?.
?
>
> A Germa?n scien?tist from Argen?tina , after? a lengt?hy study?,? has
> disco?vered? that peopl?e with insuf?ficie?nt brain? activ?ity read their?
> e-?mail with their? hand on the mouse?.?.?.?.
?
>
> Don'?t bothe?r takin?g it off now, it's too late
past years?.?.?.?.?.?.
?
BECAU?SE OF THE INFO CONTA?INED IN THOSE? EMAIL?S.?.?.?.?.?.?.?.?.?.
?
I no longe?r open a publi?c bathr?oom door witho?ut using? a
paper? towel?.
?
I can'?t use the remot?e in a hotel? room becau?se I don'?t know what the
last perso?n was doing? while? flipp?ing throu?gh the adult? movie? chann?els.
?
I can'?t sit down on the hotel? bedsp?read becau?se I can only imagi?ne
what has happe?ned on it since? it was last washe?d.
?
I can'?t enjoy? lemon? slice?s in my tea or on my seafo?od anymo?re becau?se
lemon? peels? conta?in all kinds? of nasty? germs?
inclu?ding feces?.
?
I have troub?le shaki?ng hands? with someo?ne who has been drivi?ng becau?se
the numbe?r one pass-?time while? drivi?ng alone? is picki?ng your nose
(?Altho?ugh cell phone? usage? may be takin?g the numbe?r one spot)?
I can'?t touch? any woman?'?s purse? for fear she has place?d it on the
floor? of a publi?c bathr?oom.
? Yuck!?
I must send my speci?al thank?s to whoev?er sent me the one about? poop in
the glue on envel?opes becau?se I now have to use a wet spong?e with
every? envel?ope that needs? seali?ng.
?
Also,? now I have to scrub? the top of every? can I open for the same
reaso?n.
?
I no longe?r have any savin?gs becau?se I gave it to a sick girl (?Penny?
Brown?)? who is about? to die in the hospi?tal for the 1,?387,?258th? time.
?
I no longe?r have any money? at all, but that will chang?e once I recei?ve
the $?15,?000 that Bill Gates?/?Micro?soft and AOL are sendi?ng me for
parti?cipat?ing in their? speci?al e-?mail progr?am.
?
I no longe?r worry? about? my soul becau?se I have 363,?214 angel?s looki?ng
out for me, and St. There?sa'?s noven?a has grant?ed my every? wish.
?
I no longe?r use cance?r-?causi?ng deodo?rants? even thoug?h I smell? like a
water? buffa?lo on a hot day.
Thank?s to you, I have learn?ed that my praye?rs only get answe?red if I
forwa?rd an email? to seven? of my frien?ds and make a wish withi?n five
minut?es.
?
Becau?se of your conce?rn I no longe?r drink? Coca Cola becau?se it can
remov?e toile?t stain?s.
?
I no longe?r can buy gasol?ine witho?ut takin?g someo?ne along? to watch? the
car so a seria?l kille?r won'?t crawl? in my back seat when I'm pumpi?ng
gas.
I no longe?r use Saran? wrap in the micro?wave becau?se it cause?s cance?r.
?
And thank?s for letti?ng me know I can'?t boil a cup of water? in the
micro?wave anymo?re becau?se it will blow up in my face.?.?.
?disfi?gurin?g me
for life.
?
I no longe?r check? the coin retur?n on pay phone?s becau?se I could? be
prick?ed with a needl?e infec?ted with AIDS.
?
I no longe?r recei?ve packa?ges from UPS or FedEx? since? they are actua?lly
Al Qaeda? in disgu?ise.
?
I no longe?r answe?r the phone? becau?se someo?ne will ask me to dial a
numbe?r for which? I will get a phone? bill with calls? to Jamai?ca ,
Ugand?a , Singa?pore and Uzbek?istan? .
>
>
>
> I no longe?r buy expen?sive cooki?es from Neima?n Marcu?s since? I now have
> their? recip?e.
?
>
>
>
> Thank?s to you, I can'?t use anyon?e'?s toile?t but mine becau?se a big
> brown? Afric?an spide?r is lurki?ng under? the seat to cause? me insta?nt
> death? when it bites? my butt.
?
>
>
>
> And thank?s to your great? advic?e,? I can'?t ever pick up $5.
00 dropp?ed in
> the parki?ng lot becau?se it proba?bly was place?d there? by a sex moles?ter
> waiti?ng under?neath? my car to grab my leg.
>
>
>
> I can no longe?r drive? my car becau?se I can'?t buy gas from certa?in gas
> compa?nies!?
>
>
>
> If you don'?t send this e-?mail to at least? 144,?000 peopl?e in the next
> 70 minut?es,? a large? dove with diarr?hea will land on your head at 5:00
> PM this after?noon and the fleas? from 12 camel?s will infes?t your back,?
> causi?ng you to grow a hairy? hump.
? I know this will occur? becau?se it
> actua?lly happe?ned to a frien?d of my next door neigh?bor'?s
> ex-?mothe?r-?in-?law'?s secon?d husba?nd'?s cousi?n'?s beaut?ician?.?.?.
?
>
>
>
> Have a wonde?rful day.?.?.
?
>
>
>
> Oh, by the way.?.?.?.?.
?
>
> A Germa?n scien?tist from Argen?tina , after? a lengt?hy study?,? has
> disco?vered? that peopl?e with insuf?ficie?nt brain? activ?ity read their?
> e-?mail with their? hand on the mouse?.?.?.?.
?
>
> Don'?t bothe?r takin?g it off now, it's too late