B*TCH mother in law

[debs2girls]

I really dont have any advice on this since my mil is actually a pretty good lady....lol...she does still drive me crazy sometime...and in the beginning of our marriage (25 years ago) we didnt get along at ALL. I finally told her..."you raised your kids, now let me raise mine", it worked, we became the best of friends.
If you would have told me that would happen, I would have called you an out right liar....so dont totally give up on the relationship.
Allie, I am sorry your mom was like that with Ry.

 

[anonymous]

My husband has CF and my family does not care about him (or me). They have flat out told me that there is nothing they can do so why should they care if he is sick or dies. What really makes me mad is now some of my relatives have COPD or emphysemia caused from smoking, and everyone is so worried about them and upset because they are sick. But they don't show any concern for someone who was born with CF. It really hurts that they don't care how I feel or how my dh is doing. I just try to avoid them as much as possible because they are never going to change and I don't want to put myself through that pain all the time. We just enjoy our lives because we love each other and want to make every moment count. Maybe someday they will regret their actions. I love my dh and will never regret marrying him.

 

[Scarlett81]

Tough stuff. In my life I guess you could say the difficult MIL has been my mother! And-as everyone has said-it has been me to a large extent that has had to stand up. You boyfriend will have to be the one to stand up. It may take time, there may be reasons he can't right now. It doesn't mean he agrees with her, but its hard when you want your parents approval, or when you're living with them.

Let me make one thing clear first-my mother has a mental illness. She's better now, but back then, she was very bad and not taking care of herself.
When I started getting to know my future hubby, and I could see this was going to be the real deal, my mom flipped. She never wanted me to date anyone, b/c of partly fear (the cf thing), and partly she didn't want her children to be happy if she wasn't. (she did this to all her kids when they dated)-so it wasn't just me.
Behind my back, she called my boyfriends mother and told her that I was going to die and leave her son a widow, I was selfish for wanting to marry, I could never give her son children, I was adopted so I was too messed up to be a wife. Let's see-what else?.....Totally trashed me, my repuatation, she actually made up lies about my repuatation, my morals. Bad stuff. I never found out this happened till I was married! Fortunately my then future parent in laws realized this was a crazy woman, and didn't listen.

But, that and countless other incidents did cause alot of heartache for me and my hubby durign our engagment and early marriage. We should have just said-screw her-and not let it bother us. We should have distanced ourselves from her, but we didn't b/c I felt bad for her. And it caused alot of fights between me and my hubby.

Be totally honest with your boyfriend. If he's the real deal, don't give up b/c of the mother. Work it out. Just remember-and make sure your boyfriend remembers-if this is her personality, you probably won't change it. So, YOU two need to come up with the solution. And if that means distancing yourselves until she realizes you're not going away-so be it.

And tell him to talk to her. As a man. He may have to use words and force that he's not used to. But he better get his point across. This woman, like my mother, has no concept of boundaries. For whatever reason, she never learned them. So you've gotta teach them to her.

 

[EnergyGal]

Christian your story is incredible. I can hear all your strength and you are going to accomplish whatever you set out to do.

I hope and pray that your husbands parents become very close with you. They sound like nice people.

 

[Dustin82]

Well I have looked at a few posting on this and I look at it different then everyone else I guess because I have had something like this happen to me. If she really does hate u then think about a few of these things: 1. Someone said that dont go to the family dinners and things like that, that sounds good but u know if u dont go to the dinners he will not want to go then and would u want to keep him from his parents???? 2. Say u get married would u want to put up with ur mother inlaw and all this crap for a long period of time and make it hard for u and him???? Love is great and all but I dont think it is worth breakin up a family when there are guys out there that familes would accept u for u and love u know matter what diease u have. I am not saying break up with him tommrow but relationships and love should not be this hard on a person or person's. This is what someone told me a few years ago when I was in the same case. I know it will hurt to leave him but think how he is feelin if he had to choose from u or his mom and it may not be at that stage yet but it will come to that it did with me and I left her. I could not have that on my chest that I broke up a family like that. Just think about that will u every really be happy with her hating u???? Hope it works out for u Tia
Dustin 23 CFRD

 

[anonymous]

With my psycho inlaw, I never ever forbid or kept DH from attending family events. I always told him I would never ever stand in the way of family. We decided as a couple to avoid certain events that SIL was going to attend. If it was a birthday party for a niece or nephew, he'd go by himself. The problem with my SIL is that she was pretty much stalking us to make our lives a living hell. We were her target de jour -- she had a long history of claiming some friend or relative had done her wrong and we figured if we were out of the picture, she'd move on to someone else. This is a woman who always had to be the center of attention and anyone she perceived as a threat -- in my case, I was going to become the new DIL -- she always played the "I'm the daughter the inlaws never had card" with me in the picture we might have kids and then all the money, gifts, vacation trips would have to shared.

It all came out in the wash. BIL divorced her, people eventually came forward with Psycho SIL stories, even her OWN children disowned her and moved in with their dad when they became teens because she was so controlling. Liza

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Dustin82</b></i>
Love is great and all but I dont think it is worth breakin up a family </end quote></div>

If anyone here is breaking up a family, it's his mom, not her. Just had to point that out. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0">

 

[Scarlett81]

Hey,

I personally feel-and some may DEFINATELY not agree- but for me, I chose to keep doing all the family dinners and stuff. Not for my mother. For me. For peace's sake. For the rest of the family's sake. To remind myself that I am a good person, and 1 person's cruel actions aren't keeping me from doing the right thing.

I did come home a few times crying, my head spinning. But, I've never regretted staying in the family. B/c it was the right thing to do. (again-just my opinion) And the rest of the family noticed it. I can't tell you how many times my family said that they couldn't belive I still spoke to my mom after what she did. But I realized it wasn't me-I wasn't the problem. She was hurting somewhere.

And it paid off, b/c she changed and sees now how kind I was. And we have a decent relationship. I also have a Fantastic relationship with my hubbys family. They are my real family. My MIL is my 'real' mother. The woman in life I can trust, and feel comfortable with.

One thing's for sure-you can't run away from family-yours or his. You can say 'we'll get married, live our lives and stay away from them", but you can never really stay away. Not inside yourself at least. They'll always 'haunt' you.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
Gotta deal with it!

 

[katyf13]

Life is far too short for negativity and hassling. If someone can't support you, despite your best efforts, then they don't deserve a hundred more chances. If faced with accepting you or losing their own son, and they need to think about it for more than a second, then they deserve time alone to work out their issues. I would cut out family (who I did not choose) before I would cut out Mike (we chose each other). Luckily we are spoiled rotten and we get along great with each others parents, so you may think my advice is crap ;-) I'm just saying... I've learned to make the the most of every day. I can't imagine that kind of stress, I really feel for you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

 

[shauna]

thanks everyone for your help. i spoke to blake for a long time the other night about this and he is going to sit his mum down and talk to her about us, without me around (because i tend to just go off my head at her!) i don't know what good it will do because he's tried to speak to her before but maybe hopefully when she realises how serious he is, and how serious we are becoming she'll understand. or it could go completely the other way.

I'll let you all know how it goes!

 

[Faust]

From what little non retarded wisdom that I do have: For the most part, you can't change older parents perspectives. They will feel about you or him or both, regardless what takes place. Their brains are generally molded in place. That's just how it is. Love her, understand her, and accept her even if she is against you. She really can't help it. Just focus on being happy with your mate and your lives together, because that's all thats important.

 

[anonymous]

hi im new here.
im going out wit a guy for 3 yrs who has cf.

i think that his mother needs a gud kik up the arse. i mean just coz u hav cf doesnt mean u wont have a normal life. shes a bitch. im sure uv tried talkin 2 her and explaining what cf is if she cant understand that ye love each other and that u have the rite to b happy 2 , feck her. if ur truely in love dont let it stand in your way. im a soppy fecker when it comes to love , but in this case i think ye should go for it be happy have a gr8 life and i wish u the best of luck