What's new
By:
Filters
Cystic Fibrosis Forum (EXP)

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Can we all just get along...

K

kayleesgrandma

New member
I came into work to use their computer, since I don't have one. All day I have had a heavy heart over what has gone on the last few days with certain threads. I am very upset over what has happened to what at first glance seemed to be innoculous posts on some threads. One asked for support of a friend that had done something wrong, and his family was suffering because of it--this turned into the political equivalent of the Perfect Storm. The other was from someone who was saddened by the mean spirit that had appeared within the community. He decided to take a break and it was turned into a sharkfest in which people said he was doing it for attention. I waited to join because you all were so smart and together, I felt intimitated that I would say something stupid--afterall I was barely computor literate. But you see, I saw a community of people who laughed together, cried together, and worked together to survive this illness, and when I found you all, I thought that in my grief over finding out that I might outlive my granddaughter, I had found somebody who could help me make sense of all this. I thought that I had found a sensitve, caring community. I have slowly come to know some of you. I began to feel a sense of kinship. I began to hurt for each of you, and to care about each of you. I am an outsider--I don't have CF. I haven't known anyone with CF. No one I know has died with CF. But I do have CF in my life, because of my beautiful blonde, curly-haired, blue-eyed granddaughter. You all have given me hope, when I thought there was no hope. Reading what you go thru, and what you do to help each other stay well, had helped me know what Kaylee will go thru. Amy, I am sorry for what I said . I will always read what you, or anyone else has to say. You are ALL important to me. SeanDavis--your wit keeps me on my feet--you are important to this community, and to me. I may not agree with you, but I don't want you to go. I am so upset that we got so mean with each other. I am truely heartbroken over all of this. Can we please have a truce on calling each other stupid, or attention-seeking, or hypocritical? Each of you here are unique--there is no one one else like you. You may have the same disease, and the same fate, but you are by no means all the same. We need each other. <b> I</b> <b>need you</b>--without you I don't know how I can live with, and face, knowing that I may have to bury my granddaughter someday. Please, let's not call each other names, or demean each other, even if you are smarter than me. I didn't come here for that. Am I going to have to worry that what I have to say is considered stupid, or worthless? There is enough war going on in this world. Let this site be a enclave of peace and wisdom...please.
 
N

NoExcuses

New member
I too gain a lot from this community. Knowledge, support, and friendship.

But the reality here is the reality of life in general - people disagree. And people have the right to voice their opinion. That's just life. You are never going to find a community of people who get along 100%, agree 100%, etc.

And I don't see why you're scared of people thinking that your'e stupid or worthless? I'm frankly shocked that with your wisdom and life experience that you are so concerned about such things. I mean it's great to have friends and get along and be respected - but if you feel a certain way, or if you have a question, you certainly shouldn't let those thoughts come into your mind.

You can probably know better than I - not every person that you come in contact in life is going to like you. No matter how sensitive, nice, respectful or whatever you are. Life just isn't like that.

So if you're coming to this site for deep friendships, perhaps this is the wrong place. But if you're coming for information, for support, and for a place to identify, then you shouldn't be so concerned about people that you don't even know thinking that your question is stupid or that your posts are worthless.

I guess CF gives one thick skin - if I went through life fearing that people thought I was stupid or worthless, I would be paralyzed with fear, quivering in a dark closet. Come on - life is too short for that.
 
K

kayleesgrandma

New member
Thank you Amy, but it's just that all of you are mostly half my age but have had to live at twice the pace as me. You are all computor savey, and have had to face something that I just now have had to come to terms with. What bothered me was the waste of time calling each other out, which then degenerated into name-calling. And guess what, I just witnessed someone being called stupid, and that what she had to post was worthless. Makes me wonder...And no, I'm not paralyzed with fear that what I say will be labeled. And yes, people will voice their opinion-but there is a difference in voicing an opinion civilly, and with respect, or tearing down someone and making them feel insignificant. Yes, I have lived long enough to know that life is not a bed of roses, or as Fred calls it "Carebear Land". What I'm saying is that some of those threads should not have been respounded to in the way that they were. We should have kept some of our thoughts to ourselves, because to type them out loud was hurtful. So what if someone thought it was for attention, whether it was or not, it was none of our business. Big deal, someone got positive reinforcement, and found out people cared. With Fred and Julie, they should have had a pat on the back, hope everything works out, and life goes on. Not how inappropriate their post was, and than SD brought in that Seana was stupid, and so forth--what did that have to do with what Fred originally said about us all being mean to each other, instead of supportive?! But of course, it made for drama--forget that it had wandered far from the intention of the original post. You say that reality here is reality of life in general--no it's not, because people say (type) things that they wouldn't say to that person's face if you were carrying on a conversation person to person. Yes, we can disagree, but it got mean, petty and vicious in the last threads. That is what bothered me--that here was a group of people that knew each other way before me, and that I thought were friends with a respect and affection for one another. Then to see some people attack a person like a group of pirranna's when they scented blood...if that's how they treated each other , whom they knew...Guess what, I hope to forment deep, abiding friendships here--for as long as each of us has here. I know now that some of you will not be here in the years to come, maybe even my granddaughter may not have her full time allotted to her, but I want to experience the fullness of each of you. I want to know you, celebrate with you, worry with you, disagree with you, and mourn over, or with you. I do not want to lose a minute to hate or meaness--there is not enough time...
 
K

kayleesgrandma

New member
Let me add that I know that some of the people mentioned above had tried to get people banned, or had stated how much they disliked a certain person. That was and is, uncalled for, but turnabout was not fair play. There was a civil way to respond--that didn't happen.
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
Terri,

I think it is great that when you were searching for a place for info and support you found these boards. I think there is a lot to learn here. There are so many people with so many different experiences that you are bound to learn something. I for one started coming here around the end of last year. I am not sure why and really don't know how I came across the site, but I did. I am glad I did. I had a very limited circle of CF "friends" or acquiantances until then, most of which had already passed on. Okay all but 1 had passed on at the time - now I am slowly meeting more people in my area with CF so that number is growing (but that is another story).

I hope that you do not continue to feel your questions will be viewed as stupid. Some people may see them that way, but that is them. It doesn't matter how your question looks to anyone but you ... because you are the one asking it. If it is important and worth while to you then it is NOT stupid. I may not see the point or understand why you are asking it, but it is not for me to understand if that is the case. There will be someone (hopefully) who does understand and know the answer to your question. That is why we are here ... we have greater strength in numbers. No one person can know it all .. but together we can get pretty darn close lol. Also as one of my teachers told me in middle school, for every "stupid" question you have at least 5 other people in the class have the same stupid question but are afraid to ask it. So in your asking that "stupid" question you are also helping others that are to afraid/shy/whatever to ask it themselves.

I hope you don't let the things that have been going on here get to you too much. I know it can be a bit disheartening. Speaking from experience .. when I first joined alot of drama was occurring too, I for a short period thought to heck with it this site isn't for me ... then I took a few weeks away. No one really noticed at that point that I wasn't around because I hadn't really made myself known .. I think most of my posts were under annon, as I had not had my nick/ID long. I then realized that I was gaining more by coming here and dealing with seeing the drama than I was by staying away and searching for info on my own.

What Amy said is true and many will agree ... I think everyone will agree actually ... not everyone is going to like each other. That is just a fact of life. Only difference between here and reality is people tend to confront their foes online and say things they would not normally have the audacity to say. The faceless nature of the internet gives people courage they might otherwise never have. Tis the nature of the beast as they say (who exactly they are and why they say that I don't know <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> ). I hope you don't let that silly stuff keep you from coming around. Just like you say you need everyone here, everyone here needs you ... though they may not realize it now. You have come to this site for a reason , whether to simply have your life touched or to touch someones as well is yet to be seen <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">.

Have a great evening/day,
Lindsey
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I want to experience the fullness of each of you. I want to know you, celebrate with you, worry with you, disagree with you, and mourn over, or with you. I do not want to lose a minute to hate or meaness--there is not enough time...
~Terri</end quote></div>

Enough Said .. very nicely put.

Lindsey
 
J

Jane

Digital opinion leader
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>amy</b></i>









And people have the right to voice their opinion.


</end quote></div>


Not here you don't. If your opinion here isn't a huggy cuddly opinion, especially if you call someone out for something they said,

</end quote></div>



I have to disagree here. Everyone's opinion is welcome, but you need to present it in a way that is not hurtful. That's where some of these threads fall apart. There are ways to disagree, respectfully and without "bashing".

Terri is right, we need each other. How would it be if everyone agreed? BORING!

I too value this site and miss some of those who haven't been on recently.
 
A

anonymous

New member
I'm all for civility. I think if we follow Imogene's guidlines we'll be fine. We can be welcoming to newcomers and respoectful of our the cultural, racial, reliious, national mix of our membership.

But I am not going to stay speechless ever again even for a moment if I see a bigotted, racist, anti-semitic, anti-islamic, anti-christian, anti-gay, etc. diatrable up here anywhere (on or off topic).

We may quibble sometimes about whether a response or post is as "thoughtful" as it might be. But any post that demeans another because of their race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. is clearly uncivil and has no place on this board. IMHO it is an abuse of this board.

-LisaV
 
E

EnergyGal

New member
No matter how many times a person chooses to eloquently state what our problems are here as a group, the more potential for people to take offense. Simply stating to ignore others or talk things out or state how to agree or disagree is not going to help such a large group. I wish it could be that simple but it is not. I say just let it all go. People who are going to be pleasant and helpful will remain that way and the people who like drama will always seek it out. That is life. I feel this issue of who is wrong or right will never end. The only peace maker on this site is the owner and if she wants to make changes she will.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top