Christian wants kids and it hurts

[anonymous]

Hi guys,

I've gotten to know you for a while now. I'm starting to feel comfortable enough to go into some personal stuff. Well, as some of you may know, I'm 23, married to a great guy who's 25. He is from 8 kids, and really has the best-no lies- loving parents and family I've ever known. I come from a pretty messed up background. If you ever want to know more, I'd be happy to share, only if I can help anyone else who's going through what I went through. I just don't want to bore anyone. Anyhow, after I got married and I was in a stable environment, I started therapy. Which has been the best decision I made, really vital to just living my life. I've been in therapy 2 years now, and I've made so much progress. One thing I decided was that if I could, I'd want to be as finished with therapy as much as possible, or I should say, stable enough so I could put my children first.

Well, I feel I've reached that point. I've come so far! And, my CF is better than it has ever been. Those are the 2 things that I hoped to acheive. And I'm pretty much there.

Now for the issue, my husband wants to wait a few years. I realize he is young, and comes from a stable, fairly cushy, strong family. Basically I'm saying he's not where I am. And that's ok, I respect that. But, I feel that I need to start relatively soon. I think he'd compromise and start in 2 years or so. I'm sure some of you know what I mean, the urge to start these huge life things earlier than most people. And, if you knew some of the other crap I've been through you'd understand even more. I'm basically at my prime right now. I want my own family.

I feel kinda depressed guys. My sister is preggin' and her baby shower is next week. I'm so happy for her, truly. But it's hard to be around that in a way. Last night we were at my hubby's parent's for dinner, and his older sister announced her 3rd pregnancy. We live next door to them, and I've been there for each birth, shower, ect. It's hard though guys. I came home and cried. I feel so selfish. Of course I put on a happy face there, which I was. But to be around all the babies, and then a pregnant woman.

I thought I had decided that I wanted to adopt. Then my husband told me that he kinda would like to have a child naturally, unless it put pressure on my health, though. But it's something I was always told I couldn't do-by my doctor growing up, mother, ect. Now I see, maybe it isn't out of my reach, I'm really not sure. I am in love with the idea of adoption too.

Last night, I came home from that dinner and cried over my CF. Which I have never done in my life. Why does it have to be so complicated? I would love to share with you all the other things I've been through, again I just didn't want to if you didn't want to hear it. But, I just felt like, I've had to deal with so much in life, and I've overcome it all, why this too? I see my sister in law, if she wants to get pregnant, she just does it, no major issues. I would never tell anyone else, but I envy that a little. Adoption has the issues it carries, and so does natural pregnancy, IVF, ect. Why can't I just have it easier? I guess I just had to vent to someone who understands. And, surprisingly, I let it all out to my husband too and he does really understand.

Any advice, or just some support out there for me? I'd like to hear from women with CF also that have had kids naturally and their fears pre-kids. Has anyone else out there been told growing up with CF that they couldn't or should never have kids naturally?

Thanks and much Love,
Christian

 

[anonymous]

Hi guys,

I've gotten to know you for a while now. I'm starting to feel comfortable enough to go into some personal stuff. Well, as some of you may know, I'm 23, married to a great guy who's 25. He is from 8 kids, and really has the best-no lies- loving parents and family I've ever known. I come from a pretty messed up background. If you ever want to know more, I'd be happy to share, only if I can help anyone else who's going through what I went through. I just don't want to bore anyone. Anyhow, after I got married and I was in a stable environment, I started therapy. Which has been the best decision I made, really vital to just living my life. I've been in therapy 2 years now, and I've made so much progress. One thing I decided was that if I could, I'd want to be as finished with therapy as much as possible, or I should say, stable enough so I could put my children first.

Well, I feel I've reached that point. I've come so far! And, my CF is better than it has ever been. Those are the 2 things that I hoped to acheive. And I'm pretty much there.

Now for the issue, my husband wants to wait a few years. I realize he is young, and comes from a stable, fairly cushy, strong family. Basically I'm saying he's not where I am. And that's ok, I respect that. But, I feel that I need to start relatively soon. I think he'd compromise and start in 2 years or so. I'm sure some of you know what I mean, the urge to start these huge life things earlier than most people. And, if you knew some of the other crap I've been through you'd understand even more. I'm basically at my prime right now. I want my own family.

I feel kinda depressed guys. My sister is preggin' and her baby shower is next week. I'm so happy for her, truly. But it's hard to be around that in a way. Last night we were at my hubby's parent's for dinner, and his older sister announced her 3rd pregnancy. We live next door to them, and I've been there for each birth, shower, ect. It's hard though guys. I came home and cried. I feel so selfish. Of course I put on a happy face there, which I was. But to be around all the babies, and then a pregnant woman.

I thought I had decided that I wanted to adopt. Then my husband told me that he kinda would like to have a child naturally, unless it put pressure on my health, though. But it's something I was always told I couldn't do-by my doctor growing up, mother, ect. Now I see, maybe it isn't out of my reach, I'm really not sure. I am in love with the idea of adoption too.

Last night, I came home from that dinner and cried over my CF. Which I have never done in my life. Why does it have to be so complicated? I would love to share with you all the other things I've been through, again I just didn't want to if you didn't want to hear it. But, I just felt like, I've had to deal with so much in life, and I've overcome it all, why this too? I see my sister in law, if she wants to get pregnant, she just does it, no major issues. I would never tell anyone else, but I envy that a little. Adoption has the issues it carries, and so does natural pregnancy, IVF, ect. Why can't I just have it easier? I guess I just had to vent to someone who understands. And, surprisingly, I let it all out to my husband too and he does really understand.

Any advice, or just some support out there for me? I'd like to hear from women with CF also that have had kids naturally and their fears pre-kids. Has anyone else out there been told growing up with CF that they couldn't or should never have kids naturally?

Thanks and much Love,
Christian

 

[princessjdc]

I guess the only advise I have is to be patient, I have CF and is 25 and one day wuold like to start a family of my own, but my husband wants us to be financially stable before we start a family, which is fine, cause I look at it like this, if it happens it happens if not well, then I think of it as "well, thats just that much more healthier Ill be". We did discuss adoption a long time ago, but then figured that it wouldnt be the same, cause it wouldnt resemble any of us, and well, we want our own kids, so, Im not in any hurry to have kids, tho I do feel left out, cause all my cousins around my age have had one or two kids by now, and my sister, which by the way is younger by 4 years, is pregnants and due March 8, I am very excited for her, but on the other hand its like, I should be the one to have the grandchild first, cause Im the oldest. When I was younger about 21 or so, it bothered me greatly, but now I look at it as tho I have more free time to myself, before having to take a big responsiblity to raising a kid for 20 years.

 

[princessjdc]

I guess the only advise I have is to be patient, I have CF and is 25 and one day wuold like to start a family of my own, but my husband wants us to be financially stable before we start a family, which is fine, cause I look at it like this, if it happens it happens if not well, then I think of it as "well, thats just that much more healthier Ill be". We did discuss adoption a long time ago, but then figured that it wouldnt be the same, cause it wouldnt resemble any of us, and well, we want our own kids, so, Im not in any hurry to have kids, tho I do feel left out, cause all my cousins around my age have had one or two kids by now, and my sister, which by the way is younger by 4 years, is pregnants and due March 8, I am very excited for her, but on the other hand its like, I should be the one to have the grandchild first, cause Im the oldest. When I was younger about 21 or so, it bothered me greatly, but now I look at it as tho I have more free time to myself, before having to take a big responsiblity to raising a kid for 20 years.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks Jennifer, and you're right I do have to be more patient.
I probably should have explained just how much I want kids though. Some people hate the expression "born mother" but that is me. Some people want to be doctors, artists, lawyers. I have many interests, and am a successful working artist. However, I want to be a mother first and foremost. I don't look at kids as just a future addition to my life, raising them is how I want spend my life. I love every poop filled aspect of it.
I'm not saying this is for everyone, it's just how I am. So I guess I feel that right now I am at my best health-wise, and it may be the best time to start. I could'nt just say I'll wait, and if it doesn't happen, oh well, I find something else. Again, that's just me.

Christian

 

[anonymous]

Thanks Jennifer, and you're right I do have to be more patient.
I probably should have explained just how much I want kids though. Some people hate the expression "born mother" but that is me. Some people want to be doctors, artists, lawyers. I have many interests, and am a successful working artist. However, I want to be a mother first and foremost. I don't look at kids as just a future addition to my life, raising them is how I want spend my life. I love every poop filled aspect of it.
I'm not saying this is for everyone, it's just how I am. So I guess I feel that right now I am at my best health-wise, and it may be the best time to start. I could'nt just say I'll wait, and if it doesn't happen, oh well, I find something else. Again, that's just me.

Christian

 

[anonymous]

I say have patience and when the time is right you will know what decision is right for you. I say enjoy your friends and families children and help out as much as you can. I believe it is more of the aftercare that is difficult for a patient with CF rather than the pregnancy itself. That was told to me by a doctor when I was thinking of having my own children many years ago.
Life is short so I say enjoy as much as you can with whatever child is in your life and I hope and pray that you can have your own child one day soon. Go to these parties and you know if you really want children and you are healthy to have your own child that eventually you will be having your own parties too.
Risa

 

[anonymous]

I say have patience and when the time is right you will know what decision is right for you. I say enjoy your friends and families children and help out as much as you can. I believe it is more of the aftercare that is difficult for a patient with CF rather than the pregnancy itself. That was told to me by a doctor when I was thinking of having my own children many years ago.
Life is short so I say enjoy as much as you can with whatever child is in your life and I hope and pray that you can have your own child one day soon. Go to these parties and you know if you really want children and you are healthy to have your own child that eventually you will be having your own parties too.
Risa

 

[anonymous]

Christian, I was diagnosed when I was 23 with CF, my CF doctor told me I would probably never have children. My husband and I thought about adoption as an option but he is in he military and we move alot so it is hard to get the process going. Before I was diagnosed with CF we were already trying to get pregnant, so with put it in gods hands. If we were meant to have children we would. I always had a silly date in my head. If I didn't have a baby by the time I was 25 I wasn't going to .( Silly, thought that since my teens.) Well before my 25th birthday I was pregnant. My CF doc almost fell off his chair when I told him, he went running out of his office and announced it to the whole office. It felt to good to prove him wrong. Seven years later I now have number two, and that is my limit. All I can say is I can understand how you feel. When I was your age I wanted a family so bad and was told it probably wouldn't happen, try and be patient and keep yourself well. Your kids will need a healthy mom to love them.

Charlene
almost 33/wcf

Stay warm!!

 

[anonymous]

Christian, I was diagnosed when I was 23 with CF, my CF doctor told me I would probably never have children. My husband and I thought about adoption as an option but he is in he military and we move alot so it is hard to get the process going. Before I was diagnosed with CF we were already trying to get pregnant, so with put it in gods hands. If we were meant to have children we would. I always had a silly date in my head. If I didn't have a baby by the time I was 25 I wasn't going to .( Silly, thought that since my teens.) Well before my 25th birthday I was pregnant. My CF doc almost fell off his chair when I told him, he went running out of his office and announced it to the whole office. It felt to good to prove him wrong. Seven years later I now have number two, and that is my limit. All I can say is I can understand how you feel. When I was your age I wanted a family so bad and was told it probably wouldn't happen, try and be patient and keep yourself well. Your kids will need a healthy mom to love them.

Charlene
almost 33/wcf

Stay warm!!

 

[anonymous]

Wow what a wonderful Story Charlene. Much happiness to you and your family
Risa

 

[anonymous]

Wow what a wonderful Story Charlene. Much happiness to you and your family
Risa

 

[JazzysMom]

Christian....I am so sorry you are going thru this mental torture. It can be a catch 22 scenario. For CFers to wait for financial stability etc might put them in the arena of poor health then. Have you thought about talking to Amy at Dr. Walkers office. She might be able to assist you in getting thru this. I have gone to her about things that are not CF related just to vent & she is fabulous. Its just a thought. It sucks that we as CFers have to weigh options on just about every decision in life including what day is best to go grocery shopping. I cant change things for you, but to assure you that we do understand!

 

[JazzysMom]

Christian....I am so sorry you are going thru this mental torture. It can be a catch 22 scenario. For CFers to wait for financial stability etc might put them in the arena of poor health then. Have you thought about talking to Amy at Dr. Walkers office. She might be able to assist you in getting thru this. I have gone to her about things that are not CF related just to vent & she is fabulous. Its just a thought. It sucks that we as CFers have to weigh options on just about every decision in life including what day is best to go grocery shopping. I cant change things for you, but to assure you that we do understand!

 

[thelizardqueen]

I'm in the same boat as you Christian. I've wanted children for as long as I can remember, and I have finally found the perfect guy to have children with. He wants to wait until we are more financially stable. We're half way there. He just got a very well paying job with great benefits at Christmas, and we are just paying off debts now. In a few months he will be going to get tested to see if he is a carrier, and then we will start talking about really trying. He understands that I don't have a lot of time, and have to start sooner then later to get pregnant. My doc was even telling me that if he is not a carrier, I may not even have to wait the year to see if I am fertile. He might send me to a fertility clinic right away for artificial insemination. All I can say is be patient. If its meant to be, it will be. When you're ready, and it is "your time", it will happen. I think so long as you are a "healthy" Cfer, you shouldn't have a problem conceiving health wise.

 

[thelizardqueen]

I'm in the same boat as you Christian. I've wanted children for as long as I can remember, and I have finally found the perfect guy to have children with. He wants to wait until we are more financially stable. We're half way there. He just got a very well paying job with great benefits at Christmas, and we are just paying off debts now. In a few months he will be going to get tested to see if he is a carrier, and then we will start talking about really trying. He understands that I don't have a lot of time, and have to start sooner then later to get pregnant. My doc was even telling me that if he is not a carrier, I may not even have to wait the year to see if I am fertile. He might send me to a fertility clinic right away for artificial insemination. All I can say is be patient. If its meant to be, it will be. When you're ready, and it is "your time", it will happen. I think so long as you are a "healthy" Cfer, you shouldn't have a problem conceiving health wise.

 

[Allie]

Oh Christian, it can be so hard to see what we want in front of us and have to wait for it. MY husband and I had to wait to get married until I graduated, not the same, but a similar frustration.

I am the number one spokesperson for adoption around here, I think it's great. If ever you decide that you'd like more information about it, you can PM me. MY suggestion would be to start looking at things you'd like to do now, and putting together lists and things of what you would need, how you would go about things, etc. So you can better 'present' to your husband when the idea arises.

I know sort of how you feel about being depressed that everyone is having babies and such. This is one of the most depressing parts of the year for me, and everyone is busy announcing their weddings and pregnancies. Hang in there. *hug*

 

[Allie]

Oh Christian, it can be so hard to see what we want in front of us and have to wait for it. MY husband and I had to wait to get married until I graduated, not the same, but a similar frustration.

I am the number one spokesperson for adoption around here, I think it's great. If ever you decide that you'd like more information about it, you can PM me. MY suggestion would be to start looking at things you'd like to do now, and putting together lists and things of what you would need, how you would go about things, etc. So you can better 'present' to your husband when the idea arises.

I know sort of how you feel about being depressed that everyone is having babies and such. This is one of the most depressing parts of the year for me, and everyone is busy announcing their weddings and pregnancies. Hang in there. *hug*

 

[anonymous]

Hey,

thanks for all your responses, please keep my situation in mind, I continue to welcome any advice.

Charlene, it's so funny, b/c I have this "25" number in my head too!

Thanks again!

Love, Christian

 

[anonymous]

Hey,

thanks for all your responses, please keep my situation in mind, I continue to welcome any advice.

Charlene, it's so funny, b/c I have this "25" number in my head too!

Thanks again!

Love, Christian