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Death in family

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gunelle

Guest
Hi, I have a tough question.
Yesterday I found out that my brother passed away (no cf related). He lived in Denmark, and I live in Spain. My first instinct was to go to the funeral, and be there for my family, in particular my mother. The thing is that in the last two weeks I haven't been feeling too good. I have had a lung bleed, pain when breathing deep, and I am on oral antibiotics and still have lung aches and just feeling crappy. And now I am doubting whether to go or not. The journey to Denmark is 3 hours in plane, then 5 hours in train. I don't know where I'll stay, attend the funeral and journey back the same hours. My spouse advises me aginst going, saying it will be too much for me, and that I'll feel worse after. But I am torn... a tough question, but what would you do?
 
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gunelle

Guest
Hi, I have a tough question.
Yesterday I found out that my brother passed away (no cf related). He lived in Denmark, and I live in Spain. My first instinct was to go to the funeral, and be there for my family, in particular my mother. The thing is that in the last two weeks I haven't been feeling too good. I have had a lung bleed, pain when breathing deep, and I am on oral antibiotics and still have lung aches and just feeling crappy. And now I am doubting whether to go or not. The journey to Denmark is 3 hours in plane, then 5 hours in train. I don't know where I'll stay, attend the funeral and journey back the same hours. My spouse advises me aginst going, saying it will be too much for me, and that I'll feel worse after. But I am torn... a tough question, but what would you do?
 
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TonyaH

Guest
I think it depends on how close you are to your family. If your family is close, then not having the closure of properly mourning the loss of your brother could be harder long termthan the physical repercussions of a cf exacerbation.

My mom passed away from what we nowknow was undiagonosed CF just two days before my son (with CF) was born. I went into labor the morning of her funeral and was not able to attend. I will never, ever get over that. I remember asking my obstetrician at 4am the morning of the funeral if she could just do a quick c-section, pop me in a wheelchair, and get me to the church on time. Of course she couldn't, and I can't compare childbirth to the lasting affects of an exacerbation on the lungs. I know for you, getting sick could take away more lung function and progress your disease. But I can tell you it is still hard every day to know I was not there. And it's not that I feel I 'didn't get to say goodbye'. It's because the funeral is part of the greiving process, and a part of honoring the person you have lost. My mother was very much worth honoring, as I am sure was your brother.

I can't stand these situations...where no matter what you decide, things will be difficult. Good luck in deciding what is best for you and your family.
 
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TonyaH

Guest
I think it depends on how close you are to your family. If your family is close, then not having the closure of properly mourning the loss of your brother could be harder long termthan the physical repercussions of a cf exacerbation.

My mom passed away from what we nowknow was undiagonosed CF just two days before my son (with CF) was born. I went into labor the morning of her funeral and was not able to attend. I will never, ever get over that. I remember asking my obstetrician at 4am the morning of the funeral if she could just do a quick c-section, pop me in a wheelchair, and get me to the church on time. Of course she couldn't, and I can't compare childbirth to the lasting affects of an exacerbation on the lungs. I know for you, getting sick could take away more lung function and progress your disease. But I can tell you it is still hard every day to know I was not there. And it's not that I feel I 'didn't get to say goodbye'. It's because the funeral is part of the greiving process, and a part of honoring the person you have lost. My mother was very much worth honoring, as I am sure was your brother.

I can't stand these situations...where no matter what you decide, things will be difficult. Good luck in deciding what is best for you and your family.
 
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beleache

New member
Hi, I am so sorry for your loss .. I agree with what Tonya has said. Did you discuss it with your CF Dr. ??? Thoughts & Prayers to you & your family. <3 joni
 
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beleache

New member
Hi, I am so sorry for your loss .. I agree with what Tonya has said. Did you discuss it with your CF Dr. ??? Thoughts & Prayers to you & your family. <3 joni
 
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beleache

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>TonyaH</b></i> I think it depends on how close you are to your family. If your family is close, then not having the closure of properly mourning the loss of your brother could be harder long termthan the physical repercussions of a cf exacerbation. My mom passed away from what we nowknow was undiagonosed CF just two days before my son (with CF) was born. I went into labor the morning of her funeral and was not able to attend. I will never, ever get over that. I remember asking my obstetrician at 4am the morning of the funeral if she could just do a quick c-section, pop me in a wheelchair, and get me to the church on time. Of course she couldn't, and I can't compare childbirth to the lasting affects of an exacerbation on the lungs. I know for you, getting sick could take away more lung function and progress your disease. But I can tell you it is still hard every day to know I was not there. And it's not that I feel I 'didn't get to say goodbye'. It's because the funeral is part of the greiving process, and a part of honoring the person you have lost. My mother was very much worth honoring, as I am sure was your brother. I can't stand these situations...where no matter what you decide, things will be difficult. Good luck in deciding what is best for you and your family.</end quote>
Wow Tonya, I didn't know this <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I am so sorry for your loss & that you were not able to attend your Moms services ..
Thoughts & Prayers <3 joni
 
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beleache

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>TonyaH</b></i> I think it depends on how close you are to your family. If your family is close, then not having the closure of properly mourning the loss of your brother could be harder long termthan the physical repercussions of a cf exacerbation. My mom passed away from what we nowknow was undiagonosed CF just two days before my son (with CF) was born. I went into labor the morning of her funeral and was not able to attend. I will never, ever get over that. I remember asking my obstetrician at 4am the morning of the funeral if she could just do a quick c-section, pop me in a wheelchair, and get me to the church on time. Of course she couldn't, and I can't compare childbirth to the lasting affects of an exacerbation on the lungs. I know for you, getting sick could take away more lung function and progress your disease. But I can tell you it is still hard every day to know I was not there. And it's not that I feel I 'didn't get to say goodbye'. It's because the funeral is part of the greiving process, and a part of honoring the person you have lost. My mother was very much worth honoring, as I am sure was your brother. I can't stand these situations...where no matter what you decide, things will be difficult. Good luck in deciding what is best for you and your family.</end quote>
Wow Tonya, I didn't know this <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I am so sorry for your loss & that you were not able to attend your Moms services ..
Thoughts & Prayers <3 joni
 
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gunelle

Guest
Hi, thank you for replying. My brother and I weren't close, but yes worth of honouring. But for him I can do no more. I want to be there for my mother, to support here most of all. The journey is very long, and I am not sure I am up for it... my mother understands. Thank you.
 
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gunelle

Guest
Hi, thank you for replying. My brother and I weren't close, but yes worth of honouring. But for him I can do no more. I want to be there for my mother, to support here most of all. The journey is very long, and I am not sure I am up for it... my mother understands. Thank you.
 
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Giggles

New member
I really do not think there is right or wrong answer and you should not feel guilty whatever you decide. But if you are going there to be there for your mom mainly, then I say wait to you feel better so you can really support her when you are there and not get super sick from pushing yourself. During the funeral there is always so many people around and things going on and its days to weeks after when all the people have stopped checking in and coming over is when the mourner needs the most attention. I say wait til you feel good and then make the journey. I am so sorry for your loss and do hope you feel better yourself real soon!
 
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Giggles

New member
I really do not think there is right or wrong answer and you should not feel guilty whatever you decide. But if you are going there to be there for your mom mainly, then I say wait to you feel better so you can really support her when you are there and not get super sick from pushing yourself. During the funeral there is always so many people around and things going on and its days to weeks after when all the people have stopped checking in and coming over is when the mourner needs the most attention. I say wait til you feel good and then make the journey. I am so sorry for your loss and do hope you feel better yourself real soon!
 
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Printer

Active member
I am sorry for your loss as well. Having said that, there is no good reason for you to put your health at risk. I remember reading a book by a Doctor. He had a young patient who died and when he called the family he only told them to come to the hospital, not that there son had died. In there haste to get there the parents were both killed in an automobile accident.

Do what is best for you, everything else will take care of itself.

Bill
 
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Printer

Active member
I am sorry for your loss as well. Having said that, there is no good reason for you to put your health at risk. I remember reading a book by a Doctor. He had a young patient who died and when he called the family he only told them to come to the hospital, not that there son had died. In there haste to get there the parents were both killed in an automobile accident.

Do what is best for you, everything else will take care of itself.

Bill
 
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