Does anyone ever feel rushed??

[AbsintheSorrow]

I am asking this to younger adults, or even older adults if you ever felt this way when you were say.. late teens, early 20s. Did you guys ever feel rushed with life? Twice since I've turned 17 or so, I've had these little episodes where I turn into kind of a spaz. Each time was when I was with a guy that I cared a lot about. And I have that issue again. I'm with a guy I intend to stay with. Anyhow, both times I felt rushed to get a career, and get married, and move out of my house, and start a family, etc etc. (And please, anyone with or without CF, don't give me that whole "no one knows how long they'll live" stuff. I've heard it all before, and though I know it's true... Life is different when you know you won't live a normal lifespan). When it comes down to it, I can't get married now even though I sometimes want to because of finances and financial independence, and all that good stuff. Plus my boyfriend is younger, he's only 18, and I wouldn't want to rush him into anything he didn't want to do too fast. I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt the same... and what you thought of it. What was going on, how you dealt with it, what happened, etc. Thanks.

 

[Diane]

Hi Emily, I have felt that way about everything .In fact, i am always telling everyone around me that they should not live as though they have the rest of their lives to do it. Most people put things off for a later time, or make long term plans. I dont like to ever make long term plans. When i was planning my wedding i felt like i was sitting on eggshells, because it had to planned many months in advance. I was accustomed to doing everything right now with little time for planning. BUT, what really scared the heck out of me was how i felt right after i got married. All of a sudden i started thinking that i did the last big thing there was left in my life to do, so now what? got scared there was nothing left to do, and maybe it was the end of the line. Well, that was 11 years ago and i am now divorced 6 years. I have done so many things since then and plan to do many more. I still cringe when someone asks me about something a year or so in advance, It just seems sooooooo long away . I think we grow accustomed to living in the here and now and feel as though we have to rush thru everything so we get a chance to do it, "just in case". I quit school at 15 because i was sure i was wasting my "last years" learning what i would never get to use . I think to some point , we all feel the same way about rushing things, because we cant overlook the possibility of missing out on something. What is almost eerie is .... i have seen perfectly healthy people die ( my first boyfriend was stabbed to death 5 years ago) and i wonder if they had known , would they have done anything differently. They didnt live as though they had a "deadline" and seemed to enjoy their lives, so i am trying to take their lead and live as though i dont have one either. It aint easy, but its comforting to know that, disease or no disease, death waits for noone. The sickest dont always go first. What you are doing is perfectly normal <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">~Diane 39 / cf / diabetes / b.cepacia

 

[anonymous]

I absolutely feel that way. And it's hard to explain it to other people because all they want to tell you is exactly what you said, Emily, that no one knows how long they'll live, etc etc. But I am a junior in college now, and I know that I really really want to be married and have children in my lifetime, so I am definitely feeling rushed right now to find that perfect guy and go ahead and get started! I do realize that I don't want to rush into anything with the wrong person, because then it would just take that much longer to find the right person. But anyway, I definitely know what you mean! I just try to remember that God has a plan for my life, and even if it isn't the one that I have in mind, if I follow it then I will be happy!~Jenny21 year old w/ cf

 

[anonymous]

I'm fixing to graduate college and I'm totally freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of not having insurance and not being able to keep myself healthy. I'm in a long term relationship, but I'm not ready to get married and my boyfriend wouldn't be able to help financially. Not that that's what I want, but I feel that I should be able to take care of myself before I burden anyone else. I haven't made any dreams about children because I've always known that there was a possibility that I wouldn't be able to have them or that my partner would be a carrier, and then we deffinetly wouldn't have one "of our own". But I have all these goals for myself and I feel like my CF is going to keep me from doing them.Debbie23 w/ CF, CFRD

 

[AbsintheSorrow]

Oh Debbie, don't get me wrong. I cannot have children. I know I can't, not naturally anyway. I had a hysterectomy at 18, so if I want kids we have to do surrogacy or adoption or something else. And as far as the health insurance goes... with my parents' insurance, I know that even after I graduate, if I need to, I can stay on my parents' insurance indefinitely. This of course being because I am chronically ill and all good stuff like that. Either way, check on your insurance before you assume you'll be without it.

 

[anonymous]

The internet is a wonderful thing. Even though I am over the other side of the world (Australia) it is comforting to know that people have some of the same anxieties as me. I had a lung transplant in August last year and am now a little concerned at all the experiences I have missed out on whilst I was sick. I managed to fisish my accounting degree last year and now have a full-time job. I also have similar feelings concerning relationships or lack thereof. I know it has been well under a year since the operation but I have this feeling that I have to make up for lost time yet I just don't have the will power to do anything about it.Despite the fact that I have had the operation I am a little concerned that I don't feel like I've got nothing to lose when it comes to asking girls out and when I was prevously going for job interviews - I do not feel relaxed.Andrew, 23, cf, ltx

 

[anonymous]

Emily,I, too felt that I had to get married, etc & I did marry my first husband at 24, basically because he wasn't opposed to the idea & I was afraid no one else would marry me w/ my CF & all. Boy, was that a mistake. I married him for the wrong reason. Anyway, needless to say, we divorced & I am happily remarried to a wonderful man. Don't ever rush into marriage because you think maybe this opportunity will never come up again or think that no one else would want to marry me because of my CF, etc. Trust your instincts. It's very possible your present boyfriend is the right one too--your heart will tell you. God Bless<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Hola all. I'm Darien, 35 year old with CF. By all right's & medical purposes I'm not supposed to be here, in fact I'm supposed to be dead already. I was diagnosed when i was little which is a rarity for the 60's since I was born in 68. I was told that I died on the operating table as a toddler during surgery. What it was, I dont know. I've out lasted,& out lived all my very close CF friends that I grew up with. I've cheated Death itself,6 times.. I think I got like..what? 3 lives left? lol. I'mma loner & mostly keep to myself. I've lost one close friend to suicide,one to drowning( He was my only friend I had in grade school. Him & I got picked on alot so we stuck together.) I lost my best friend almost 4 years ago this may. Her name? Carol Ann Bunn. She was the world tome,and when you lose the only best friend you had inthe world? i can't express to you just how lonely it feels. Here it is four years later and her passing still bothers me. I talk to her parents once inna blue moon. I try not to call them often cuz i know me calling them reminds me of her cuz Carol Ann & I hung out alot togther. I cant tell you how hard is to keep going after you've out lived each of your friends., i'm telling you now. Its Hell! but i live my life day by day. I keep fighting. I live my life each day in their honor now. I dont live for myself anymore. I live for them. I know its what they would want me to do. I live alone now but not far from family. ts hard for me now toget closes To CF'ers irl but online its easy for me. I have no CF friends in my life now.. there all gone and here in Ohio its hard to make new ones. They have this stupid rule . thjey dont condone CF'ers hanging out together at all. & I think it sucks. I think they have no right to keep us CF'ers apart. but I can see their point of veiw too, they dont want us spreading disease amongst each other. But still. Us CF'ers should Band & Stick together.. I mean, I se each CF'er wether i know them or not?. As my True family. "My Blood." if you will. I see them as my brothers and my sisters. I've not dated a CFer before and for along time i wouldnt.. till I met someone I wanted to date but she passed away not long after. I didnt get quite the chance to tell her how i felt, but I was told by her sister that she knew. Her family was good to me too. So here I am, In Ravenna Ohio. a "Lone CF'er." LOL. If your a CF'er and you feel your life is hell?.. Come talk to me.. Things could be worse. You could be diagnosed with CF-Osteoporsis like i just was and on home oxygen practicly 24/7 but I'm very head strong,very independant. I live my life as my friends want me to, I live for them.. But I live for myself too. If you've had CF friends or non CF friends or even family? That has passed away?. Live for them too, but also,live for yourself. Cuz not to sound cold, but your friends that have passed have lived there lives., now you must live yours. Live your life witha smile and "A Fire"..A Warrior Spirit if you will, in your heart. live each day this way. As long as you do that. you can face each day and each day, CF isnt winning, You are a CF Warrior, we all are.-Signed Sincerely, Darien.-<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> You need a friend to talk too? feeling down? Just add me to you buddy list on aol -> LinCare68 is me. or e mail me at LinCare68@aol.com. I could use all the CF friends I can get my hands on <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Ni ni all, take care & I wish each of you well. -huggles-