Fear

[Pete]

In a dream state
I move to touch
your warmth
To smell your scent
For comfort

All I find
Is an empty space
Void of life
But with traces of you

Your scent left
On your pillow
The creases
In the sheets
From you
I know will fade

Will your memory
Fade too?

Will it be
Washed away
Like your scent
On the pillow slip
And creases in the sheets
By some machine?

I fear
The washing machine
Of time
It has taken
SO much already

I fear losing you

I know that day will come

Oneday

 

[Jane]

That's lovely and sad, Pete. Who is your "you" in the poem?

Thanks for sharing with us.

Jane

 

[Pete]

Jane, thankyou for your kind coment.

"You" is my current partner, she is CF and has had a double lung transplant. I was laying in bed one morning and she had already gotten up, I was hugging her pillow full of saddness and fear because she was about to have a sinus surgery in a few days...I thought about the possibility of losing her during the surgery or from infection after, I also thought what if i wake up one day and all i have left (physically) is the scent from her left on her pillow...then i wrote that poem.

Turns out the surgery didn't happen (again) because of lack of beds in the hospital....which i think is horse *****...but who knows?, maybe it was.

Thanks again

Pete

 

[Jane]

Pete, not many people can turn their sadness into something creative. I hope you keep your poems in a journal or something.

That's too bad about your partners surgery being delayed. My kids were already in the hospital having IV antibiotics when their g-tube surgeries were postponed two weeks. OOOPS, mistake in the schedule (ya right). It turned out that due to anticipated lack of beds, they had to stay in the hospital until their surgeries. Hospital politics makes me crazy!
Hope it works out for her.

Jane

 

[Pete]

It's actually interesting that all the emotions apart from happiness gives inspiration, when i'm happy i seem to have no need to write anything...what I write I struggle to call poetry, it's really just an avenue for getting things out that I otherwise can't say. My partner reads ALL the things I put down which gives us a way of communicating the things we both fear....or feel, we, as a couple are better off for it. I can write ANYTHING i want, whether it be anger, or fear, or hurt, or love for, or at her.

I have another blog that I write other things in, but i'll put CF related things in this site in the hope that it might touch a cord with even one person here, because i know we all have a common understanding of this horrific disease and the emotions it installs. I'm coming from the partner of a CF's point of view and I know there's others out there that have the same fears and anxiety.

The health system (so it seems to me) and the politics that comes with it can more more of a hazard than the disease itself sometimes...what people get put through is insane, the disease is hard enough to cope with let alone having to fight the government, the doctors and the system as well.

Pete

 

[Faust]

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

 

[EnergyGal]

Pete

This lady friend of yours has cf so why doesn't she post on here? Tell her she would be a great asset to have. She had a transplant right? I had a transplant too.

Sounds like you both will be hanging around together for a long time.
Be well and take good care of both of you

 

[Pete]

Risa, she actually does post on here once in awhile, but purely for her and my privacy i'd rather not say who she is...hope you understand.

Thankyou.