ctalbott0609
New member
This is good for grins...maybe even a laugh-out-loud and tears rolling down your face!!
>
> Hair Removal
>
> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors,
> Nair and now...the wax.
>
> Read on.........
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
> home, fix dinner, and
> play with the kids. Then had the thought that would
> ring painfully in my
> mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull
> the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
>
> So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
> It was one of those
> "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
> just rub the strips
> together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
> them apart and press
> them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
> hair right off.
>
> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm
> not a genius, but I am
> mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
> facing each other
> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
> genius kicks in so
> I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
> ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay
> the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
> tight and pull. It works!
>
> OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
> bad I can do this!
> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
> fighter of all wayward
> body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking
> on the kids, I sneak
> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
> fighting championship. I
> drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
>
> Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip
> across the right side of
> my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha
> and stretching down
> to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
>
> I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY
> GAWD!!!!!!!!!
>
> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
> pull off half the
> strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
> Everything
> is spinning and
> spotted.
>
> I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must
> stay conscious. Do I
> hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back
> to normal.
>
> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the
> one that has caused
> me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
> I want to revel in
> the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold
> up the strip!
>
> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS
> THE WAX???
>
> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
> the toilet. I see the
> hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
> I touch... I am touching wax!!
>
> I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
> body, which is now
> covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the
> next BIG
> mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the
> toilet? I know I
> need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>
> Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
>
> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
> out what to do next,
> and think to myself "please don't let me get the
> urge to poop. My head
> may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
>
> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the
> hottest water I can stand
> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
> bits and the wax
> should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
>
> *WRONG!!!!!!!*
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than
> that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical
> equipment - I sit.
>
> Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
> regions glued
> together, is having them glued together and then
> glued to the bottom of
> the tub...in scalding hot water. Which by the way,
> doesn't melt cold wax.
>
> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
> I had cemented
> myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
> convinced me a few
> months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>
> I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
> before and has some
> secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
> conversation starter
> "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the
> bottom of the tub!"
>
> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
> tricks for removal
> but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She
> wants to know exactly
> where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
> hole or hoo-ha?"
>
> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
> give her the rundown
> and she suggests I call the number on the side of
> the
> box.
>
> YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone
> else's night. While we
> go through various solutions. I resort to trying to
> scrape the wax off
> with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your
> girlie goodies
> covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in
> super hot water and
> then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the
> brain
> is not working,
> dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure
> I'm
> going to need
> Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
>
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see
> my saving
> grace....the lotion they give you to remove the
> excess wax.
>
> What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub
> some on and... OH MY
> GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and
> scared the dickens out
> of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't
> care. "IT WORKS!!"
>
> "It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my
> friend and she hangs
> up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax
> and then notice to my
> grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.......ALL OF IT!
>
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
>
> Nothing hurts.
>
> I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color......
>
> Hair Removal
>
> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors,
> Nair and now...the wax.
>
> Read on.........
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
> home, fix dinner, and
> play with the kids. Then had the thought that would
> ring painfully in my
> mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull
> the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
>
> So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
> It was one of those
> "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
> just rub the strips
> together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
> them apart and press
> them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
> hair right off.
>
> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm
> not a genius, but I am
> mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
> facing each other
> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
> genius kicks in so
> I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
> ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay
> the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
> tight and pull. It works!
>
> OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
> bad I can do this!
> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
> fighter of all wayward
> body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking
> on the kids, I sneak
> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
> fighting championship. I
> drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
>
> Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip
> across the right side of
> my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha
> and stretching down
> to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
>
> I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY
> GAWD!!!!!!!!!
>
> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
> pull off half the
> strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
> Everything
> is spinning and
> spotted.
>
> I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must
> stay conscious. Do I
> hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back
> to normal.
>
> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the
> one that has caused
> me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
> I want to revel in
> the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold
> up the strip!
>
> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS
> THE WAX???
>
> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
> the toilet. I see the
> hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
> I touch... I am touching wax!!
>
> I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
> body, which is now
> covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the
> next BIG
> mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the
> toilet? I know I
> need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>
> Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
>
> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
> out what to do next,
> and think to myself "please don't let me get the
> urge to poop. My head
> may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
>
> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the
> hottest water I can stand
> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
> bits and the wax
> should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
>
> *WRONG!!!!!!!*
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than
> that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical
> equipment - I sit.
>
> Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
> regions glued
> together, is having them glued together and then
> glued to the bottom of
> the tub...in scalding hot water. Which by the way,
> doesn't melt cold wax.
>
> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
> I had cemented
> myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
> convinced me a few
> months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>
> I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
> before and has some
> secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
> conversation starter
> "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the
> bottom of the tub!"
>
> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
> tricks for removal
> but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She
> wants to know exactly
> where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
> hole or hoo-ha?"
>
> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
> give her the rundown
> and she suggests I call the number on the side of
> the
> box.
>
> YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone
> else's night. While we
> go through various solutions. I resort to trying to
> scrape the wax off
> with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your
> girlie goodies
> covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in
> super hot water and
> then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the
> brain
> is not working,
> dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure
> I'm
> going to need
> Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
>
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see
> my saving
> grace....the lotion they give you to remove the
> excess wax.
>
> What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub
> some on and... OH MY
> GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and
> scared the dickens out
> of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't
> care. "IT WORKS!!"
>
> "It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my
> friend and she hangs
> up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax
> and then notice to my
> grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.......ALL OF IT!
>
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
>
> Nothing hurts.
>
> I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color......