E
entropy
Guest
A few months ago I got double pneumonia and my right lung collapsed. I was in the hospital for about a month total, intubated and completely sedated for about 2 weeks.
I had a series of what I can only describe as "near death experiences" while intubated and totally sedated. It was quite interesting, and since then I've been processing and trying to integrate the experiences into my life. I was literally having an existential crisis there in the hospital, out of my mind and delusional, questioning every aspect of my life. It was similar to a "bad trip" where one is caught in a nightmarish introspective black hole. The worst part about it all was probably being forced to watch late night TV all alone while in this mindset. Oh, the insanity. If my experiences were going to be dark on their own, the TV just made them 5 times worse.
At one point, I was convinced it was the year 1990 (the year I was born). Everything around me, the doctors, the medical technology, the hairstyles, etc, all appeared to me as they would have been in the 90s. I looked at the date on my wristband and it said 1990. I was convinced I had actually went back in time and by some sick cosmic joke was doomed to die in the year I was born. It was almost like an alternate reality, or alternate universe. My family was there but not as my family. They were my friends, not my parents. Their kids didn't have CF. It was like a twisted, nightmarish reversal of my life. To this day thinking about it makes me feel uneasy. And I can't stop thinking about it.
At another point, when I was sedated but somewhat conscious, I thought there was nothing wrong with me and that I didn't have CF. I kept ripping out my oxygen, so they tied my hands down. When they would lessen the anesthesia I would try to rip the tube out of my throat and I also tried to pull my catheter out (ouch!).
I experienced much more, but for the sake of brevity I'll spare the rest.
Has anyone had anything similar happen to them?
I had a series of what I can only describe as "near death experiences" while intubated and totally sedated. It was quite interesting, and since then I've been processing and trying to integrate the experiences into my life. I was literally having an existential crisis there in the hospital, out of my mind and delusional, questioning every aspect of my life. It was similar to a "bad trip" where one is caught in a nightmarish introspective black hole. The worst part about it all was probably being forced to watch late night TV all alone while in this mindset. Oh, the insanity. If my experiences were going to be dark on their own, the TV just made them 5 times worse.
At one point, I was convinced it was the year 1990 (the year I was born). Everything around me, the doctors, the medical technology, the hairstyles, etc, all appeared to me as they would have been in the 90s. I looked at the date on my wristband and it said 1990. I was convinced I had actually went back in time and by some sick cosmic joke was doomed to die in the year I was born. It was almost like an alternate reality, or alternate universe. My family was there but not as my family. They were my friends, not my parents. Their kids didn't have CF. It was like a twisted, nightmarish reversal of my life. To this day thinking about it makes me feel uneasy. And I can't stop thinking about it.
At another point, when I was sedated but somewhat conscious, I thought there was nothing wrong with me and that I didn't have CF. I kept ripping out my oxygen, so they tied my hands down. When they would lessen the anesthesia I would try to rip the tube out of my throat and I also tried to pull my catheter out (ouch!).
I experienced much more, but for the sake of brevity I'll spare the rest.
Has anyone had anything similar happen to them?