Aww Teri,
It is really hard to lose a patient... Some deaths stand out in my head much more then others. I remember being up all night crying when I lost my first child patient. I can still see and hear the parents screams in my head. I don't think I will ever forget it. I was fine while the emergency of it all was going on, but later when I got to my car, I crumbled.
Sad in its own right is watching an elderly person lose their life partner. Their is one older man who I will never forget his eyes and quivering lips as he watched us doing CPR on his wife of 50 years. I think I ended up staying with that man till 4 am because I didn't want to leave him.
At my hospital we have mental health emergency teams that help the families cope with loss but they also have been available to the staff as well.. Of course none of us have ever used them because we try to pretend like we can suck it up, but it is really hard, and I wish they would have taught us better coping techniques in nursing school.
I think the thing that has always helped me to cope is reminding myself over and over again that I couldn't have prevented the death and that it would have happened if I saw it or not, but at least I got to see it and be a part of helping take care of the family, or bringing some comfort to the patient in the end stage of their life.
Take Care,
Jennifer