Mid Life Crisis

[NoExcuses]

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[Diane]

Thats a perfectly normal thought process with what we have. Im 41 and still asking those same questions. I think the only thing you can do is what you are doing. Living your life and doing what you like. If you have the money for a vacation , why not take one? Its good to live for the moment every now and then . What you are going thru right now reminds me of right after i got married.... I sat there one day asking myself.....well, here i am married ( which is what i always wanted since i was a little girl,) Now what ? Where is there to go from here? I was 28 and feeling like i lived all of my years already. Well here i am 41 , divorced and happy, with new hobbies and new friends. Life is ever changing, go with the flow every now and then and enjoy it. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[thelizardqueen]

You know what Amy? - I was just thinking about this today. I was out walking around downtown and I happened to walk by a bridal shop and saw the cutest bridal dress in there. A couple of things hit me - A) that I was miserable the last few months of my relationship, and for the first time realized that thanks to Cory, I just got out in time, B) I'm turning 25 next month - am I in mid life crises now because I have a shortened lifespane, and finally C) How much time do I have, and what am I going to do with the rest of my life?

I've become very restless lately, and nothing seems to keep me happy for long. I need something good and extreme to happen in my life. Instead of the proverbial red convertable that guys get when going through a midlife crisis, I seriously contemplated moving across the country for a little while today.

I mean I'm turning 25 next month, and what - I'm single, I'm having problems with my health, I'm on Assistance, and at this point not sure of what the future will hold for me - long or short term. This isn't how I pictured my life to be at 25. Is it normal in the general sense that we're going through a crisis at such a young age? Probably not, but is it normal for a CFer to be going through one at such a young age - maybe...probably even yes. How do you deal with it? - at this point I have no clue - LOL.

 

[anonymous]

Amy,

I'm 22 w/cf and those thoughts cross my mind every once in a while. I love my job, my husband, etc. but I wonder what are we saving for? My husband doesn't talk much about the reality of CF taking its toll so we act as any other couple would. With my job, I work from home, we've been saving and We are about to build a house and I'm scared to death...what if something happens to my health...and my husband would be left with the bill. I think CF makes us think of grownup things a lot sooner in life. As we applied for our loans today, I just prayed to God that it is the right decision. And I thought, how do I know that my husband won't die tomorrow? We don't know, but we have to live like we will be here like anyone else.

Where area are you from?

 

[rAnDiMKdir]

I finally signed in so I'm not anonymous now! ;-)

sorry for the grammar errors! With my job, I've trained myself on adult hours which would have put me in bed a couple hours ago.

I hope you find clarity tonight. Best advice I've ever gotten:
1) Dont take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with (learned through life)
2) Nothing ever changes in life unless something changes (learned through my work)

 

[Asexyblond23]

After reading everyones comments here maybe this is what I am going thru. The past year I have only been able to think about my health and day to day living, and dying and how long I will be here. I never used to be like that. Alot of it has to do with a bad time when I totally an unexpected went into respitory arrest and was on a vent for 2 days. I have never in my life had something serious like that happen and now I cant even have an IV awith out worring and having panic attacks about dying due to my IV. I am at the point in my life that I have gotten what I always wanted and now what? I was married when I was 20 and got divorced when I was 23 and then i got married again just this past may. Now I am 24 almost 25, I have the relationship that I have always dreamed of and the support thats amazing. We have bought a house and everything is great. I am not working b/c of my health and maybe that has something to do with it. But I think now, where do I go from here, What is the purpose of my life. I feel so much anexity daily that I dont know why. I feel like I always was working towards something I think. And now that I have my husband and we will work on kids soon, where do I go from here? And the funny thing about it is 2 days ago I had the best FEV1 that I have ever had since i was a baby, but i still feel....lost.

 

[welshgirl]

i don't have cf but i've thought about the future a lot because of joe <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> in my very humble opinion i would say take care of yourself as best as you can and live your life for the here and now. that is what i'm trying to instil in my little boy.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> drs all over the world are trying to help people with cf they REALLY could find something to manage the symptoms of cf along the lines of insulin for diabetes. wouldn't that be the most wonderful thing ever?.

 

[Jane]

I remember 25 being a very contemplative year for me too (even w/o CF). Its really the first "grown-up" milestone. It kinda forces you to think about the reality of your future, relationships, career, house, children etc. It can be very sobering.

 

[JazzysMom]

Everyone experiences this especially those like CFers that tend to speed up their life process so as not to miss out with potential shortened life span. You have said that children is a choice that you & your man are comfortable with. I respect that, but much of America is still in the mode of get married & have babies. It seems its still expected of woman to have kids no matter what the reason. It makes ir harder when that stigma of sorts is still there & everyone from your life is doing so. You seem very happy with your career & sounds like you are very good at it. That alone is great. You have a good guy in your life & are doing well/stable with your health. I think all of these things are reasons to celebrate instead of getting stuck in a mid life crisis. The money thing I totally relate to. I want to "live" for the day & do all I can while I can with Jazz & hubby yet at the same time I want a nest egg for the time I "might" live extremely old & need it. I guess its finding that responsible balance LOL! Remember many people died (CF or not) saving for that rainy day & that rainy day came the day of their funeral! I do think reconnecting with people from the past is good. I did this last year. The family that I was very close to when my first husband & I split up went to the wayside. They all were in our wedding & I truly missed them, but let the friendship go kaput. I sent them a letter last year telling them I appreciated their friiendship over the years & updated them on my life (tho I know they knew thru the grapevine) & that they are always in my prayers. I saw the husband shortly after that & with tears in his eyes he thanked me. It was something I had to do. Maybe it was my mid life crisis. Maybe it was guilt or maybe it was just the right thing to do! If you dont feel fulfilled that search for what will do it! If you are fulfilled, but "society" is making you feel like there should be more than the hell with society~

 

[ladybug]

Amy-

These are the EXACT thoughts I had a couple years ago when starting classes in grad school. Well, I realized ALL I was doing was living for the future. I was going to school, which was making me sick cause I wasn't working out and eating and sleeping right. So, I decided I'd rather be around as long as I can and live for the NOW instead of making myself stressed and sick, so I dropped out. I've never been happier. My PFTs and weight are up some of the highest without IVs in years. I feel great. I travel a lot and spend LOTS of time with my famiy (which I also missed out on in my years of working and schooling).

Although, I do often think, "wow, I wish I could be "normal" and successful and do what I went to school for", I also realize my life is more fullfilled now and I am doing everything (well, almost) that I want to NOW, so I won't look back and regret it cause I was busy with school or work that I didn't spend time with family, travel, take care of myself, etc... That's just me. I do wish I could have both... work, school, family, health, etc., but I know for me that is not possible, so I prioritized and made peace with that. I've since gone off antidepressants (for the past 8 months I've been off all antidepressants and antianxiety meds. for the first time in 10 years!) I also no longer am so anxious that I'm bedridden and sick to my stomach. I am a more peaceful person.

Now, this is just what worked for me and how I feel. I'm not suggesting this is the path to happiness for everyone. Everyone needs to search their own soul and find what will make them happy NOW. That is really ALL that matters. If your work, school, etc. makes you truly happy right now, I say great. If you're doing it only as a means to an end (that may or may not happen), maybe that's great for you, but if you're not happy about that, maybe you should rethink your priorities. Many people stay in unhappy situations so they may retire rich, but if they died the first day of their retirement, would they look back and think they'd lived a fulfilled life, or would they think, "hm.... i wish i'd have done a job that I enjoyed (maybeb just worked at a coffee shop or something simple) even if it wouldnt' have made me tons of money." I think very few people can live in the now, but I also think most CFers have been given this special aspect of life that we CAN see our time is limited and CAN choose our NOW so we may live NOW and not "later". JMO.

 

[Claire17]

Amy-
Its so strange to me how CF makes us confront these issues before anyone else. I constantly struggle with future vs. now. I've been beating myself up because I am not happy in my grad program, and I just can't stomach the idea of being unhappy in the present so that I can reach some future goal which I'm uncertain will ever come. But I feel terrible because I'm not living up to what I think I could do, if I would just sacrifice and push a little harder. Sonia-you just described everything that's happening to me. Meanwhile, I think I'm crazy because no one else 'normal' is dealing with these kinds of questions. They just push through and don't really think about whether they're making the absolute most of their options.

Recently I just made the decision to leave school for a while. I can take my master's and come back and finish the PhD later if I want to, but for right now, I need to have a more balanced life.

These are hard questions and the answer won't be the same for everyone, nor will it be the same for one person at all times. All I can say is just don't shy away from what you are feeling. Live with your questions and uncertainty, and examine them until you find the right answer for right now. Just my opinion, that's what I did...hang in there, you'll figure it out.

later <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[NoExcuses]

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[Scarlett81]

Yeah I totally know how you are feeling. I had the same feelings a little while after I got married, like Diane described. Its all this momentum building up, marriage is awesome, of course, but in this culture it is SO built up as the end all be all to existance! And when I got married, after the initial joy subsides you sit there thinking-ok, so I still do laundry and drive here and there and have similar work to do day to day......so whats this whole marriage thing?<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">

But those feelings passed. It was like a very philosophical time. I still have times like that-thinking so deeply about life and things. Maybe youve had a change in your life, a milestone, or its just turning 25. But i think we all go through times where we become very deep thinkers for whatever reason.-The whole what is the meaning of life?- thing.

I think there's lots of meanings of life-mostly just day to day doing our best to contribute to our life and the lives around us. Treating people with kindness and respect. Working hard.

As far as "mid life" crisis-of course I understand 100% why you feel that way and made the "35" year old remark. Its understandable why you and we all do that. But look at some on this site-they are 40+! You're doing really well Amy. You're going to have a great life expectancy I think. If you think 50-maybe it'll help you to get there. Thinking it is half the battle.
Sure, I know why you and others are saying this, but thinking 35 isn't good enough! Now isn't your mid life crisis.
I'm not trying to be Sunshine Sally-ridiculously optmistic. Just want you to be positive.<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[coltsfan715]

Well, I will add myself to the list for this thread. I don't necessarily have this feeling all of the time, but have had feelings like all of you are mentioning off and on for several years now.

I remember being in school/college - which I loved once I found my niche. I was studying history and trying so hard to finish and get to work. Then I ran out of money. I had scholarships (which was the only way I was able to go to school) and all that money ran out and I still had maybe a yr to yr and a half to go. I had my AA(History) and my AS(business admin) but wanted my BA in History. I remember being so upset that I wouldn't be able to finish and go to work in that field (with a degree). Then I looked at my health and realized that I wouldn't be able to work with my health where it is anyway. So I thought why struggle to make ends meet with disability just to take the classes I need.

At first this bothered me because I felt so "old" in comparison to my peers. Like here I am 24 (or 23 at the time) and I am too sick to work and maintain health - like an elderly person. Then I thought about school/college and I thought well why spend so much money on something I probably won't get to use anyway (I know pessimistic, but hey that was what I thought). Then I sat and thought life expectancy if 35ish and I am 23/24 - I started thinking what is the point of saving money and worrying about debt. Why not just spend what money I have and be happy. As for debt I won't even have to pay it off cause I won't be around long enough for that (luckily I do not take my credit card with me many places so I wasn't able to build up debt on that). I just started thinking WHY?? Am I going to push things off til tomorrow - or next yr or whatever when I don't know if that will come. I talked to my mom about it and she laughed and said you sound like you are going through a mid-life crisis. I said probably after all I am over half of what I am supposed to live to be. Technically I am behind and should have had this midlife crisis at 18.

After that talk I realized I was setting myself up to either not make it to 35 or barely make it to 35. I say that because I was so set on that being "IT" and I believe that the mind is very strong and if you set something in your mind it will likely happen. Since then I have tried working to no avail, I got sick and was in hospital within 2 months. Then I decided that we (Kurt and I) would just save some extra money and go on trips. We decided that we would try each year to go somewhere. It didn't have to be somewhere new - it could be quite simply somewhere we loved, but we would go JUST US. We have traveled some this year. I took what extra money I made from working those few months and Kurt and I went on a cruise and spent every cent I had made - quite fun I might add. We have gone to Tennessee, Orlando, bought 4th row tickets to see Dave Matthews (Kurts fav band)in Tampa, we are just living. We are saving a little here and there, but we are enjoying each other and doing the things we want to do while we know we can. We are hoping to be able to go to Hawaii next year. We haven't gotten plans pinned down yet, but we are working on it.

I will say. Life is a bit more fun when you live for the moment, but are able to balance your future needs with your current wants/desires. For me it was prioritizing what I REALLY wanted with what I KIND OF wanted and what I WOULD like if I had the chance to do but wouldn't be heartbroken over not doing. For each of us its different like so many have said, finding the balance is what is hard, but once you do it will be so much easier.

Hope that made sense,
Lindsey

 

[Scarlett81]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lindsey, that was nice to read.


Good perspective. I agree with setting yourself up kinda, like if you have a certain number in your head. The mind is powerful.