my boyfriend has cf & need advice

[anonymous]

Hi, I am new to the forum & relatively new to the world of cf. I started dating a good friend of mine with cf about 7 months ago. We are both 27 (he has a mild case of cf) & I have been friends with him for about 5 years. we met in college, and one day soon after, realized that we were in love. we started dating and for about 3 months everything was perfect. The only thing is, he started pulling away from me & I don't know what to do...he says we reached a point that he has to fully let me in but he can't do it. the thing that hurts is that, although i do not know exactly what happened in his previous relationships, but i think he let past girlfriends in & when he did they freaked. I have told him I would never do that. I have researced cf & looked into what living with cf & i am willing to deal with everything & help him to be with him. i know i can't force him into this, but i don't know what to do. has anyone been in a similar situation? any advice or help would help me so much. I can't stand the thought of letting cf come between us & do not know what to do; I don't want to lose him for good.

 

[anonymous]

Hi thereHope I can be of some help.Im in a very similar situation and finding this article is almost eerie. Ive known my boyfriend for five years and we have only recenly gotten together and like you Ive researched cf and am willing to take on the world. As my boyfriend tells me though his biggest fear is that I may be left alone. As Ive told I dont think like that and there is no proof I might live till tomarrow, but it is a fear of his and may be your boyfriend is feeling that way. All I can suggest is talking to him being supportive and understanding and in time he will be able to completely open up. Did you tell him that you have researched and are willing to take on what ever comes? Let him know show him if you can and be real with him. If he knows you like I think he does he will open up. My boyfriend and I have been real with what we talk about and I find that the more we talk the closer we get. Hang in there love will see through. Hope I was a litte help.

 

[anonymous]

Hi,Ok this is really strange but i was just about to put a topic up asking for advice myself.I was just say sorry first for it being so long. But i like the two of you need to get advice cos i've no one else to talk to about it.My boyfriend also has cf and i don't . We've being going out for nearly a year and a half and i know that we'll be together to the rest of our life cos i know he's the one and we're so madly in love with each other there's only one problem, he won't open up to me or talkto me at all about how he's feeling about his cf becuase he got not great news in the hospital a few weeks again and since then its gotten worse and he closed up about talking at all about his cf. he has so much stuff inside his head and he just won' talk to anyone about it not even me which hurts. I'm totally used to it like seeing him on his nebs and when he's on his iv's and when he's in hospital that has nothing to do with it. Like the first girl I'm also willing to deal and help him through anything he's going through but its like he's just won't let me in.He says that if he told me all the stuff that was in his head about cf that i wouldn't understand cos i'm not going throught what hes going through and yeah fair enough but he's not giving me a chance to understand at all. He's right when he says that i wouldn't reallly understand but i can listen and help him to clear his head so he's not bottleing it all up and so i can be there for him. Personnaly i don't see cf as being a big problem to our relationship but he is and and he's making it a big deal.I don't look at him and say oh there;s my boyfriend with cf i look at him and say oh theres my boyfriend who i'm madly in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. Also one of my b/f's fears is that i will be left alone and maybe with a child if that where to ever happen.He hates the thought of it. I think that one of the reasons also why are b/f's won't open up to us is because they don't want to upset us but i've told him that he can open up to me and not to be afriad he's going to upset me.The second girl said that in time they will open up to usbut i've kinda given up now after a year of trying to get him open up to me. i can't have a relationship where he holds everthing in and pushes me away. So what do i do do i keep at him to open up to me and talk to me and make him pissed of with me or just leave it and have a relationship where he doesn't open up. i also think it would be brilliant for him to open up and get things out. i wish like the second girl my b/f talked to me and made us closer. i'm really sorry that this was so long and kinda in dept i really needed to get it all out cos its really getting to me. so girls and boys of course what should i do or am i just being silly.Thanks

 

[anonymous]

hi, i'm 34 with cf and i understand whatyour boyfriends are going threw. i found i had cf when i was 20, by the way i'm a guy. i have been married twice and divorced and going threw a second. the best thing that i can say is dont give upbecause the way that i felt i was alone in this and the people that i thought that understood was other cfs friends and alot of them have senced passed away. so it is very hard to open up when you think that someone you care about is hurting or going to be hurting . the best thing to do is pray alot and ask God for understanding and ask him to open the heart of your boyfriend to talk about his life of cf. With Gods Love Lonnie

 

[anonymous]

thanks for that. i guess i just have to wait and see what happens but i can't ever see him opening up to me just i can wish.

 

[anonymous]

I am 26 yr old female with CF. I look at it from a bit different perspective. I pushed many guys out of my life because of their reaction to my CF, and many weren't worth my time. But my current boyfriend is one of those that I pushed away, after many years I figured out that it was my inability to open up to him that broke us up in the first place, I was afraid to let anyone in because I was afraid of what they would find. I have hopes for a future and I know he does too, and even though I fear leaving him if I die, I look at it from the point that maybe I will leave him behind but at the same time he could just as easily die also. Maybe the best thing to do is to tell your boyfriends, 'yeah, your right I will never understand what it is that CF does to you inside, I can never know the pain, or the anger. but I am here because I love you and that doesn't change, love is what I can give you' It is all just reactionary, it's easier to push away then to keep someone close - even though we like the support. I don't know if that helped or made any sense, but I hope for you all that your men will find a way to let you in. The fact that you are all there and willing is a great test to your love and commitment. Good luck!

 

[anonymous]

hey,that really helped thanks.

 

[anonymous]

Hey, I am a male of age 24 with CF. I am engaged to be married next year.Something that really helps me is knowing that my fiance will be able to take care of herself if I get knocked out of this world too soon. I am working right now and she is going to law school. So she will be stable financially.I could not go on in a relationship if I did not think that my woman couldn't take care of herself, in many aspects: financially, psychologically, etc. I am happy to say that after growing together, and really getting to know her that she is a very strong person, and can take care of herself. She makes me look like a wimp! =)