thefrogprincess
New member
So many of you know that Brian had his left kidney removed on MArch 9th due to a huge cancerous tumor on it. You may also know that this is the only treatment the doctors feel he will ever need. He has to have annual CT scans but that's it.
I understand (probably better than most) how scary this was for him. And I know that despite what the docotors say he's still scared it will come back (so am I). But he won't talk about it at all. I didn't even know that the cancer had not spread to his lymph nodes until I over heard him on the phone with a friend.
Here's my problem. Physically his recovery from surgery is going very well. But we aren't being intimate. Its been about 3 weeks since the last time, which I intiated. In fact I can count on one hand the number of times he's initiated things this year. I told him a couple weeks ago that when he never makes a move it makes me feel undesirable, unatractive, and just plain sad that he doesn't want me. THe last time I tried he said no and continued on with his video game! I never felt so horrible in all my life. THe next day is when we had the talk about how this is making me feel. That was about 2 weeks ago and he still has not made a move even knowing how I feel. I haven't tried because I'd rather go without than run the risk of his rejecting me again. I'm also curious how long he will go without making the first move.
I'm incredibly frustrated with this. I have been through a lot in the last year and a half or so. All I want is a normal, healthy relationship with the man I love. He keeps talking about getting married but I won't marry someone who treats me more like a roommate. I don't expect us to always be in the mood at the same time, and I understand that he still has good and bad days but he won't tell me about it. This is so unlike him before the cancer. I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what to do. I want to help him get better so we can be ok but I don't know how. This is really depressing for me. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist to deal with my depression from everything I've been through lately.
I understand (probably better than most) how scary this was for him. And I know that despite what the docotors say he's still scared it will come back (so am I). But he won't talk about it at all. I didn't even know that the cancer had not spread to his lymph nodes until I over heard him on the phone with a friend.
Here's my problem. Physically his recovery from surgery is going very well. But we aren't being intimate. Its been about 3 weeks since the last time, which I intiated. In fact I can count on one hand the number of times he's initiated things this year. I told him a couple weeks ago that when he never makes a move it makes me feel undesirable, unatractive, and just plain sad that he doesn't want me. THe last time I tried he said no and continued on with his video game! I never felt so horrible in all my life. THe next day is when we had the talk about how this is making me feel. That was about 2 weeks ago and he still has not made a move even knowing how I feel. I haven't tried because I'd rather go without than run the risk of his rejecting me again. I'm also curious how long he will go without making the first move.
I'm incredibly frustrated with this. I have been through a lot in the last year and a half or so. All I want is a normal, healthy relationship with the man I love. He keeps talking about getting married but I won't marry someone who treats me more like a roommate. I don't expect us to always be in the mood at the same time, and I understand that he still has good and bad days but he won't tell me about it. This is so unlike him before the cancer. I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what to do. I want to help him get better so we can be ok but I don't know how. This is really depressing for me. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist to deal with my depression from everything I've been through lately.