'on the spot'

fondreflections · Dec 12, 2008

I 'thought' I was completely out of the whole foster care loop, but I guess not...

Marie, the new Foster Mom, called me last night and caught me completely off guard.

Needless to say, she has ONLY had the boys for 3 days and is already pulling her hair out. Tuesday, the first day, she only had them a half a day. Wednesday, they went to see Mom so she only had them a half a day again. Thursday was her first real day with them all day long. According to her, it was a nightmare which doesn't surprise me in the least.

Ken, the caseworker, was at her house for 2 hours, and the kids were running around endlessly. Neither N or D would take a nap for her either which was always a struggle for me too. Ken told her that I was able to get them to nap so I guess that warranted the call. However, that is not the reason I'm posting.

Upon her taking the children, I wrote down all their upcoming appointments, dental information, medical information, and school information. I gave her everything I had because I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible.

Well, her reason for calling was to ask me IF I was willing to babysit 'here and there'. For example, N needs 8 cavities filled, and D needs 1. She can't take them together, trust me. However, I really didn't ask anyone for help except for my Mom. She really couldn't ask her Mom because she is probably in her 70s.

I feel really bad, but I also know that I'm not in ANY CONDITION to watch them. Even if I were, would I really want to??? Jake says, "no way". "We are done with foster care forever." I agree with that; however, I feel like I'm in such an uncomfortable spot.

By nature, I'm a very honest person. From the moment I knew the kids were going to her, I felt bad. I had very high doubts. She and her husband seem to be good people from all the training classes; however, I didn't feel they were the best equipped to deal with these kids. They are new like Jake and I were. Yes, they had their own kids, but still they were new to the foster care world. Jake and I feel like our agency NOT ONLY took advantage of us but also of them...

She made remarks last night like...I can't wait for school to start...I don't know how you did it for 9 weeks + your CF...How did you...

Like I said, Jake is DONE. I will not go against his wishes. Plus, I know I'm not in any place right now to watch them or any other kids for that matter. Plus, by saying 'yes', I'm opening up a whole other can of worms...

I'm going to call her with an answer later day or tomorrow. I dread it...I feel really bad about the whole situation. Those boys TOGETHER are TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE!!!

fondreflections · Dec 12, 2008

I 'thought' I was completely out of the whole foster care loop, but I guess not...

Marie, the new Foster Mom, called me last night and caught me completely off guard.

Needless to say, she has ONLY had the boys for 3 days and is already pulling her hair out. Tuesday, the first day, she only had them a half a day. Wednesday, they went to see Mom so she only had them a half a day again. Thursday was her first real day with them all day long. According to her, it was a nightmare which doesn't surprise me in the least.

Ken, the caseworker, was at her house for 2 hours, and the kids were running around endlessly. Neither N or D would take a nap for her either which was always a struggle for me too. Ken told her that I was able to get them to nap so I guess that warranted the call. However, that is not the reason I'm posting.

Upon her taking the children, I wrote down all their upcoming appointments, dental information, medical information, and school information. I gave her everything I had because I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible.

Well, her reason for calling was to ask me IF I was willing to babysit 'here and there'. For example, N needs 8 cavities filled, and D needs 1. She can't take them together, trust me. However, I really didn't ask anyone for help except for my Mom. She really couldn't ask her Mom because she is probably in her 70s.

I feel really bad, but I also know that I'm not in ANY CONDITION to watch them. Even if I were, would I really want to??? Jake says, "no way". "We are done with foster care forever." I agree with that; however, I feel like I'm in such an uncomfortable spot.

By nature, I'm a very honest person. From the moment I knew the kids were going to her, I felt bad. I had very high doubts. She and her husband seem to be good people from all the training classes; however, I didn't feel they were the best equipped to deal with these kids. They are new like Jake and I were. Yes, they had their own kids, but still they were new to the foster care world. Jake and I feel like our agency NOT ONLY took advantage of us but also of them...

She made remarks last night like...I can't wait for school to start...I don't know how you did it for 9 weeks + your CF...How did you...

Like I said, Jake is DONE. I will not go against his wishes. Plus, I know I'm not in any place right now to watch them or any other kids for that matter. Plus, by saying 'yes', I'm opening up a whole other can of worms...

I'm going to call her with an answer later day or tomorrow. I dread it...I feel really bad about the whole situation. Those boys TOGETHER are TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE!!!

fondreflections · Dec 12, 2008

I 'thought' I was completely out of the whole foster care loop, but I guess not...

Marie, the new Foster Mom, called me last night and caught me completely off guard.

Needless to say, she has ONLY had the boys for 3 days and is already pulling her hair out. Tuesday, the first day, she only had them a half a day. Wednesday, they went to see Mom so she only had them a half a day again. Thursday was her first real day with them all day long. According to her, it was a nightmare which doesn't surprise me in the least.

Ken, the caseworker, was at her house for 2 hours, and the kids were running around endlessly. Neither N or D would take a nap for her either which was always a struggle for me too. Ken told her that I was able to get them to nap so I guess that warranted the call. However, that is not the reason I'm posting.

Upon her taking the children, I wrote down all their upcoming appointments, dental information, medical information, and school information. I gave her everything I had because I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible.

Well, her reason for calling was to ask me IF I was willing to babysit 'here and there'. For example, N needs 8 cavities filled, and D needs 1. She can't take them together, trust me. However, I really didn't ask anyone for help except for my Mom. She really couldn't ask her Mom because she is probably in her 70s.

I feel really bad, but I also know that I'm not in ANY CONDITION to watch them. Even if I were, would I really want to??? Jake says, "no way". "We are done with foster care forever." I agree with that; however, I feel like I'm in such an uncomfortable spot.

By nature, I'm a very honest person. From the moment I knew the kids were going to her, I felt bad. I had very high doubts. She and her husband seem to be good people from all the training classes; however, I didn't feel they were the best equipped to deal with these kids. They are new like Jake and I were. Yes, they had their own kids, but still they were new to the foster care world. Jake and I feel like our agency NOT ONLY took advantage of us but also of them...

She made remarks last night like...I can't wait for school to start...I don't know how you did it for 9 weeks + your CF...How did you...

Like I said, Jake is DONE. I will not go against his wishes. Plus, I know I'm not in any place right now to watch them or any other kids for that matter. Plus, by saying 'yes', I'm opening up a whole other can of worms...

I'm going to call her with an answer later day or tomorrow. I dread it...I feel really bad about the whole situation. Those boys TOGETHER are TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE!!!

fondreflections · Dec 12, 2008

I 'thought' I was completely out of the whole foster care loop, but I guess not...

Marie, the new Foster Mom, called me last night and caught me completely off guard.

Needless to say, she has ONLY had the boys for 3 days and is already pulling her hair out. Tuesday, the first day, she only had them a half a day. Wednesday, they went to see Mom so she only had them a half a day again. Thursday was her first real day with them all day long. According to her, it was a nightmare which doesn't surprise me in the least.

Ken, the caseworker, was at her house for 2 hours, and the kids were running around endlessly. Neither N or D would take a nap for her either which was always a struggle for me too. Ken told her that I was able to get them to nap so I guess that warranted the call. However, that is not the reason I'm posting.

Upon her taking the children, I wrote down all their upcoming appointments, dental information, medical information, and school information. I gave her everything I had because I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible.

Well, her reason for calling was to ask me IF I was willing to babysit 'here and there'. For example, N needs 8 cavities filled, and D needs 1. She can't take them together, trust me. However, I really didn't ask anyone for help except for my Mom. She really couldn't ask her Mom because she is probably in her 70s.

I feel really bad, but I also know that I'm not in ANY CONDITION to watch them. Even if I were, would I really want to??? Jake says, "no way". "We are done with foster care forever." I agree with that; however, I feel like I'm in such an uncomfortable spot.

By nature, I'm a very honest person. From the moment I knew the kids were going to her, I felt bad. I had very high doubts. She and her husband seem to be good people from all the training classes; however, I didn't feel they were the best equipped to deal with these kids. They are new like Jake and I were. Yes, they had their own kids, but still they were new to the foster care world. Jake and I feel like our agency NOT ONLY took advantage of us but also of them...

She made remarks last night like...I can't wait for school to start...I don't know how you did it for 9 weeks + your CF...How did you...

Like I said, Jake is DONE. I will not go against his wishes. Plus, I know I'm not in any place right now to watch them or any other kids for that matter. Plus, by saying 'yes', I'm opening up a whole other can of worms...

I'm going to call her with an answer later day or tomorrow. I dread it...I feel really bad about the whole situation. Those boys TOGETHER are TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE!!!

fondreflections · Dec 12, 2008

I 'thought' I was completely out of the whole foster care loop, but I guess not...
 
 Marie, the new Foster Mom, called me last night and caught me completely off guard.
 
 Needless to say, she has ONLY had the boys for 3 days and is already pulling her hair out. Tuesday, the first day, she only had them a half a day. Wednesday, they went to see Mom so she only had them a half a day again. Thursday was her first real day with them all day long. According to her, it was a nightmare which doesn't surprise me in the least.
 
 Ken, the caseworker, was at her house for 2 hours, and the kids were running around endlessly. Neither N or D would take a nap for her either which was always a struggle for me too. Ken told her that I was able to get them to nap so I guess that warranted the call. However, that is not the reason I'm posting.
 
 Upon her taking the children, I wrote down all their upcoming appointments, dental information, medical information, and school information. I gave her everything I had because I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible.
 
 Well, her reason for calling was to ask me IF I was willing to babysit 'here and there'. For example, N needs 8 cavities filled, and D needs 1. She can't take them together, trust me. However, I really didn't ask anyone for help except for my Mom. She really couldn't ask her Mom because she is probably in her 70s.
 
 I feel really bad, but I also know that I'm not in ANY CONDITION to watch them. Even if I were, would I really want to??? Jake says, "no way". "We are done with foster care forever." I agree with that; however, I feel like I'm in such an uncomfortable spot.
 
 By nature, I'm a very honest person. From the moment I knew the kids were going to her, I felt bad. I had very high doubts. She and her husband seem to be good people from all the training classes; however, I didn't feel they were the best equipped to deal with these kids. They are new like Jake and I were. Yes, they had their own kids, but still they were new to the foster care world. Jake and I feel like our agency NOT ONLY took advantage of us but also of them...
 
 She made remarks last night like...I can't wait for school to start...I don't know how you did it for 9 weeks + your CF...How did you...
 
 Like I said, Jake is DONE. I will not go against his wishes. Plus, I know I'm not in any place right now to watch them or any other kids for that matter. Plus, by saying 'yes', I'm opening up a whole other can of worms...
 
 I'm going to call her with an answer later day or tomorrow. I dread it...I feel really bad about the whole situation. Those boys TOGETHER are TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE!!!

TestifyToLove · Dec 12, 2008

I think you need to stand firm and explain the truth. You cannot handle their needs and your CF. She has the same opportunity to demand the foster agency provide support that you had. Sadly, this is how the fostercare system ends up working. Until someone stands up and DEMANDS they seperate these children and probably provide support and services to the foster families of both boys, the boys will continue to be traumatized and hurt by a case worker who doesn't care and a system that turns them into a number and not a human being.

Its not your job to fix the system nor to rescue these boys. And, at this point, if you were to step up, you would continue to enable this case worker in her continued neglect to these boys and their case. I would stand firm and suggest the new fostermom demand services from the foster agency.

TestifyToLove · Dec 12, 2008

I think you need to stand firm and explain the truth. You cannot handle their needs and your CF. She has the same opportunity to demand the foster agency provide support that you had. Sadly, this is how the fostercare system ends up working. Until someone stands up and DEMANDS they seperate these children and probably provide support and services to the foster families of both boys, the boys will continue to be traumatized and hurt by a case worker who doesn't care and a system that turns them into a number and not a human being.

Its not your job to fix the system nor to rescue these boys. And, at this point, if you were to step up, you would continue to enable this case worker in her continued neglect to these boys and their case. I would stand firm and suggest the new fostermom demand services from the foster agency.

TestifyToLove · Dec 12, 2008

I think you need to stand firm and explain the truth. You cannot handle their needs and your CF. She has the same opportunity to demand the foster agency provide support that you had. Sadly, this is how the fostercare system ends up working. Until someone stands up and DEMANDS they seperate these children and probably provide support and services to the foster families of both boys, the boys will continue to be traumatized and hurt by a case worker who doesn't care and a system that turns them into a number and not a human being.

Its not your job to fix the system nor to rescue these boys. And, at this point, if you were to step up, you would continue to enable this case worker in her continued neglect to these boys and their case. I would stand firm and suggest the new fostermom demand services from the foster agency.

TestifyToLove · Dec 12, 2008

I think you need to stand firm and explain the truth. You cannot handle their needs and your CF. She has the same opportunity to demand the foster agency provide support that you had. Sadly, this is how the fostercare system ends up working. Until someone stands up and DEMANDS they seperate these children and probably provide support and services to the foster families of both boys, the boys will continue to be traumatized and hurt by a case worker who doesn't care and a system that turns them into a number and not a human being.

Its not your job to fix the system nor to rescue these boys. And, at this point, if you were to step up, you would continue to enable this case worker in her continued neglect to these boys and their case. I would stand firm and suggest the new fostermom demand services from the foster agency.

TestifyToLove · Dec 12, 2008

I think you need to stand firm and explain the truth. You cannot handle their needs and your CF. She has the same opportunity to demand the foster agency provide support that you had. Sadly, this is how the fostercare system ends up working. Until someone stands up and DEMANDS they seperate these children and probably provide support and services to the foster families of both boys, the boys will continue to be traumatized and hurt by a case worker who doesn't care and a system that turns them into a number and not a human being.
 
 Its not your job to fix the system nor to rescue these boys. And, at this point, if you were to step up, you would continue to enable this case worker in her continued neglect to these boys and their case. I would stand firm and suggest the new fostermom demand services from the foster agency.

just1more · Dec 12, 2008

Jenny, say no and DON'T feel bad.

They are foster kids, she can make the social worker find help for things like Dr appointments. Point out to her that it is Ken's job to find help for things like this if it is needed, and if he wants the placement to work he needs to find a babysitter.

My mother has foster parented for 15+ years. I know of occasions where she has threatened to dump a kid at the sw's office if they didn't find help. To my knowledge, they've never called her bluff.

You sacrificed yourself for these kids, you need to take care of you. If the new foster mom is over her head, then she needs to go to the social worker.

FYI, based on past experience, the boys need to be seperated. They try to avoid with siblings, but from what you have said previously there is no way these boys are going to get better as long as they are together.

just1more · Dec 12, 2008

Jenny, say no and DON'T feel bad.

They are foster kids, she can make the social worker find help for things like Dr appointments. Point out to her that it is Ken's job to find help for things like this if it is needed, and if he wants the placement to work he needs to find a babysitter.

My mother has foster parented for 15+ years. I know of occasions where she has threatened to dump a kid at the sw's office if they didn't find help. To my knowledge, they've never called her bluff.

You sacrificed yourself for these kids, you need to take care of you. If the new foster mom is over her head, then she needs to go to the social worker.

FYI, based on past experience, the boys need to be seperated. They try to avoid with siblings, but from what you have said previously there is no way these boys are going to get better as long as they are together.

just1more · Dec 12, 2008

Jenny, say no and DON'T feel bad.

They are foster kids, she can make the social worker find help for things like Dr appointments. Point out to her that it is Ken's job to find help for things like this if it is needed, and if he wants the placement to work he needs to find a babysitter.

My mother has foster parented for 15+ years. I know of occasions where she has threatened to dump a kid at the sw's office if they didn't find help. To my knowledge, they've never called her bluff.

You sacrificed yourself for these kids, you need to take care of you. If the new foster mom is over her head, then she needs to go to the social worker.

FYI, based on past experience, the boys need to be seperated. They try to avoid with siblings, but from what you have said previously there is no way these boys are going to get better as long as they are together.

just1more · Dec 12, 2008

Jenny, say no and DON'T feel bad.

They are foster kids, she can make the social worker find help for things like Dr appointments. Point out to her that it is Ken's job to find help for things like this if it is needed, and if he wants the placement to work he needs to find a babysitter.

My mother has foster parented for 15+ years. I know of occasions where she has threatened to dump a kid at the sw's office if they didn't find help. To my knowledge, they've never called her bluff.

You sacrificed yourself for these kids, you need to take care of you. If the new foster mom is over her head, then she needs to go to the social worker.

FYI, based on past experience, the boys need to be seperated. They try to avoid with siblings, but from what you have said previously there is no way these boys are going to get better as long as they are together.

just1more · Dec 12, 2008

Jenny, say no and DON'T feel bad.
 
 They are foster kids, she can make the social worker find help for things like Dr appointments. Point out to her that it is Ken's job to find help for things like this if it is needed, and if he wants the placement to work he needs to find a babysitter.
 
 My mother has foster parented for 15+ years. I know of occasions where she has threatened to dump a kid at the sw's office if they didn't find help. To my knowledge, they've never called her bluff.
 
 You sacrificed yourself for these kids, you need to take care of you. If the new foster mom is over her head, then she needs to go to the social worker.
 
 FYI, based on past experience, the boys need to be seperated. They try to avoid with siblings, but from what you have said previously there is no way these boys are going to get better as long as they are together.

Ratatosk · Dec 12, 2008