Hi
I really need to ask for your help/thoughts on a rather complex issue. My boyfriend who is 22 has CF. I'm his girlfriend, am 21 and don't have CF. We've been together for nearly 3 1/2 years and I love him very very much.
Please bear with me, because I need to explain a bit of backgound stuff before getting to the point. I have always been amazed/astounded/shocked by his apparent ability to cope with CF over the years, never has it ever appeared to get him down. I have known the facts re: life expectancy/fertility etc from an early stage. I am a physiotherapist and am therefore well aware of the statistics. Obviously, I would rather he didn't have CF and, yes, there have been times when I have got down about it but he makes me very happy and I have made an informed decision that I wish to spend our future together.
However, he never researches anything on CF and didn't realise about the fertility aspect, until I mentioned it about 1.5 yrs ago, assuming he would already know about it. Nevertheless, he seemed to cope okay and realises that IVF could perhaps be an option. He's normally a very laid back character who is very social and lives life as 'normally' as possible.
Then, 2 weeks ago, we had a chat about the future, marriage, IVF etc and some serious issues we would need to consider e.g. how would he feel if we had a child together and that child didn't get to grow up with a dad etc. For the past 2 weeks he has been v withdrawn, isn't eating (has lost lots of weight) and isn't sleeping. His mum has told me she is very concerned. I live at the hospital I work at during the week and my boyfriend turned up last night looking 'awful' and broke down in tears. It is not like him at all to cry. He said he's very confused, not sure about the future etc and that his mind is very messed up. After lots of prodding, he finally told me he's confused over whether he may be bi-sexual.
I'm in shock. I really don't think he is bi-sexual, not just because that's what i'd like to think but because there is no evidence in any way to back this up. Also, when asked if the idea of getting close physically to another man appealed, he said not really. I really think that he may be admiring 'healthy' men at the moment because his self image is low and he feels inadequate due to the fertility thing. Also, is it possible that he is using this as a 'protective' mechanism to hide what's really hurting i.e. sudden realisation of CF/implications/mortality?
I don't have the answers but I am really worried. I really love him and want to support him and he keeps telling me that he loves me (without prompting). We're going to try and speak to his consultant/a counsellor this week as this is really out of our depth and we need some expert help. Does anyone know anything about the implications of CF on someone psychosexually? I am so so confused.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
I really need to ask for your help/thoughts on a rather complex issue. My boyfriend who is 22 has CF. I'm his girlfriend, am 21 and don't have CF. We've been together for nearly 3 1/2 years and I love him very very much.
Please bear with me, because I need to explain a bit of backgound stuff before getting to the point. I have always been amazed/astounded/shocked by his apparent ability to cope with CF over the years, never has it ever appeared to get him down. I have known the facts re: life expectancy/fertility etc from an early stage. I am a physiotherapist and am therefore well aware of the statistics. Obviously, I would rather he didn't have CF and, yes, there have been times when I have got down about it but he makes me very happy and I have made an informed decision that I wish to spend our future together.
However, he never researches anything on CF and didn't realise about the fertility aspect, until I mentioned it about 1.5 yrs ago, assuming he would already know about it. Nevertheless, he seemed to cope okay and realises that IVF could perhaps be an option. He's normally a very laid back character who is very social and lives life as 'normally' as possible.
Then, 2 weeks ago, we had a chat about the future, marriage, IVF etc and some serious issues we would need to consider e.g. how would he feel if we had a child together and that child didn't get to grow up with a dad etc. For the past 2 weeks he has been v withdrawn, isn't eating (has lost lots of weight) and isn't sleeping. His mum has told me she is very concerned. I live at the hospital I work at during the week and my boyfriend turned up last night looking 'awful' and broke down in tears. It is not like him at all to cry. He said he's very confused, not sure about the future etc and that his mind is very messed up. After lots of prodding, he finally told me he's confused over whether he may be bi-sexual.
I'm in shock. I really don't think he is bi-sexual, not just because that's what i'd like to think but because there is no evidence in any way to back this up. Also, when asked if the idea of getting close physically to another man appealed, he said not really. I really think that he may be admiring 'healthy' men at the moment because his self image is low and he feels inadequate due to the fertility thing. Also, is it possible that he is using this as a 'protective' mechanism to hide what's really hurting i.e. sudden realisation of CF/implications/mortality?
I don't have the answers but I am really worried. I really love him and want to support him and he keeps telling me that he loves me (without prompting). We're going to try and speak to his consultant/a counsellor this week as this is really out of our depth and we need some expert help. Does anyone know anything about the implications of CF on someone psychosexually? I am so so confused.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.