Rant

[HBanana]

ummm.... so i just can't take the fact taht i'm okay with the idea of dying in about 20 years... I know what ur thinking "there will be tons of medical advances by the time you turn 36.4 years of age" but my 23 year old friend just died of CF, he didn't even make it to the "life expectancy". I hate telling people...I hate the pitty. Every guy i date treats me like i'm made of glass, my mom won't let me go anywhere without another parent telling her there will be no smoking. 23 years old... i'll be 23 in 6 years... the sick thing is, it no longer bothers me to think that i probably won't live long enough to get married, or have kids, or even have grandchildren...

I hate the fact that i'm saying this, i hate these kind of depressing poasts, but i'm incredibly drunk... I miss chuck, he was only 23... I have a feeling this is going to be deleted before anyone else can read it. I just find it messed up i no longer am afraid of death...Is this a good thing???

 

[HBanana]

ummm.... so i just can't take the fact taht i'm okay with the idea of dying in about 20 years... I know what ur thinking "there will be tons of medical advances by the time you turn 36.4 years of age" but my 23 year old friend just died of CF, he didn't even make it to the "life expectancy". I hate telling people...I hate the pitty. Every guy i date treats me like i'm made of glass, my mom won't let me go anywhere without another parent telling her there will be no smoking. 23 years old... i'll be 23 in 6 years... the sick thing is, it no longer bothers me to think that i probably won't live long enough to get married, or have kids, or even have grandchildren...

I hate the fact that i'm saying this, i hate these kind of depressing poasts, but i'm incredibly drunk... I miss chuck, he was only 23... I have a feeling this is going to be deleted before anyone else can read it. I just find it messed up i no longer am afraid of death...Is this a good thing???

 

[HBanana]

ummm.... so i just can't take the fact taht i'm okay with the idea of dying in about 20 years... I know what ur thinking "there will be tons of medical advances by the time you turn 36.4 years of age" but my 23 year old friend just died of CF, he didn't even make it to the "life expectancy". I hate telling people...I hate the pitty. Every guy i date treats me like i'm made of glass, my mom won't let me go anywhere without another parent telling her there will be no smoking. 23 years old... i'll be 23 in 6 years... the sick thing is, it no longer bothers me to think that i probably won't live long enough to get married, or have kids, or even have grandchildren...

I hate the fact that i'm saying this, i hate these kind of depressing poasts, but i'm incredibly drunk... I miss chuck, he was only 23... I have a feeling this is going to be deleted before anyone else can read it. I just find it messed up i no longer am afraid of death...Is this a good thing???

 

[HBanana]

ummm.... so i just can't take the fact taht i'm okay with the idea of dying in about 20 years... I know what ur thinking "there will be tons of medical advances by the time you turn 36.4 years of age" but my 23 year old friend just died of CF, he didn't even make it to the "life expectancy". I hate telling people...I hate the pitty. Every guy i date treats me like i'm made of glass, my mom won't let me go anywhere without another parent telling her there will be no smoking. 23 years old... i'll be 23 in 6 years... the sick thing is, it no longer bothers me to think that i probably won't live long enough to get married, or have kids, or even have grandchildren...

I hate the fact that i'm saying this, i hate these kind of depressing poasts, but i'm incredibly drunk... I miss chuck, he was only 23... I have a feeling this is going to be deleted before anyone else can read it. I just find it messed up i no longer am afraid of death...Is this a good thing???

 

[HBanana]

ummm.... so i just can't take the fact taht i'm okay with the idea of dying in about 20 years... I know what ur thinking "there will be tons of medical advances by the time you turn 36.4 years of age" but my 23 year old friend just died of CF, he didn't even make it to the "life expectancy". I hate telling people...I hate the pitty. Every guy i date treats me like i'm made of glass, my mom won't let me go anywhere without another parent telling her there will be no smoking. 23 years old... i'll be 23 in 6 years... the sick thing is, it no longer bothers me to think that i probably won't live long enough to get married, or have kids, or even have grandchildren...

I hate the fact that i'm saying this, i hate these kind of depressing poasts, but i'm incredibly drunk... I miss chuck, he was only 23... I have a feeling this is going to be deleted before anyone else can read it. I just find it messed up i no longer am afraid of death...Is this a good thing???

 

[HBanana]

ummm.... so i just can't take the fact taht i'm okay with the idea of dying in about 20 years... I know what ur thinking "there will be tons of medical advances by the time you turn 36.4 years of age" but my 23 year old friend just died of CF, he didn't even make it to the "life expectancy". I hate telling people...I hate the pitty. Every guy i date treats me like i'm made of glass, my mom won't let me go anywhere without another parent telling her there will be no smoking. 23 years old... i'll be 23 in 6 years... the sick thing is, it no longer bothers me to think that i probably won't live long enough to get married, or have kids, or even have grandchildren...

I hate the fact that i'm saying this, i hate these kind of depressing poasts, but i'm incredibly drunk... I miss chuck, he was only 23... I have a feeling this is going to be deleted before anyone else can read it. I just find it messed up i no longer am afraid of death...Is this a good thing???

 

[65rosessamurai]

I doubt this post will get deleted...
However, some may disagree with your post. Most cases, some of us out here may throw in some supportive words.
I, for one, would suggest not to dread on the "down" side, but to have some hope, and take it as a challenge to beat the odds. Perhaps losing the fear of death is good, but "calling for death" is not. Either way, it's not how you die, but how you live that makes the difference.
Not every CF'r has the same degree of illness. I've lost some good friends, too, and I was even angry at the CF for it. However, since it does nothing but waste energy, it would make more sense to re-direct the energy.
Since you seem to be new here, perhaps you will soon find out a lot of support and information is available here, and I hope with that, your outlook on your "life expectancy" can improve.
And, an additional suggestion...don't post what you might soon to regret when you're drunk! (just a little posting humor, there!)
Chin-up!

 

[65rosessamurai]

I doubt this post will get deleted...
However, some may disagree with your post. Most cases, some of us out here may throw in some supportive words.
I, for one, would suggest not to dread on the "down" side, but to have some hope, and take it as a challenge to beat the odds. Perhaps losing the fear of death is good, but "calling for death" is not. Either way, it's not how you die, but how you live that makes the difference.
Not every CF'r has the same degree of illness. I've lost some good friends, too, and I was even angry at the CF for it. However, since it does nothing but waste energy, it would make more sense to re-direct the energy.
Since you seem to be new here, perhaps you will soon find out a lot of support and information is available here, and I hope with that, your outlook on your "life expectancy" can improve.
And, an additional suggestion...don't post what you might soon to regret when you're drunk! (just a little posting humor, there!)
Chin-up!

 

[65rosessamurai]

I doubt this post will get deleted...
However, some may disagree with your post. Most cases, some of us out here may throw in some supportive words.
I, for one, would suggest not to dread on the "down" side, but to have some hope, and take it as a challenge to beat the odds. Perhaps losing the fear of death is good, but "calling for death" is not. Either way, it's not how you die, but how you live that makes the difference.
Not every CF'r has the same degree of illness. I've lost some good friends, too, and I was even angry at the CF for it. However, since it does nothing but waste energy, it would make more sense to re-direct the energy.
Since you seem to be new here, perhaps you will soon find out a lot of support and information is available here, and I hope with that, your outlook on your "life expectancy" can improve.
And, an additional suggestion...don't post what you might soon to regret when you're drunk! (just a little posting humor, there!)
Chin-up!

 

[65rosessamurai]

I doubt this post will get deleted...
However, some may disagree with your post. Most cases, some of us out here may throw in some supportive words.
I, for one, would suggest not to dread on the "down" side, but to have some hope, and take it as a challenge to beat the odds. Perhaps losing the fear of death is good, but "calling for death" is not. Either way, it's not how you die, but how you live that makes the difference.
Not every CF'r has the same degree of illness. I've lost some good friends, too, and I was even angry at the CF for it. However, since it does nothing but waste energy, it would make more sense to re-direct the energy.
Since you seem to be new here, perhaps you will soon find out a lot of support and information is available here, and I hope with that, your outlook on your "life expectancy" can improve.
And, an additional suggestion...don't post what you might soon to regret when you're drunk! (just a little posting humor, there!)
Chin-up!

 

[65rosessamurai]

I doubt this post will get deleted...
However, some may disagree with your post. Most cases, some of us out here may throw in some supportive words.
I, for one, would suggest not to dread on the "down" side, but to have some hope, and take it as a challenge to beat the odds. Perhaps losing the fear of death is good, but "calling for death" is not. Either way, it's not how you die, but how you live that makes the difference.
Not every CF'r has the same degree of illness. I've lost some good friends, too, and I was even angry at the CF for it. However, since it does nothing but waste energy, it would make more sense to re-direct the energy.
Since you seem to be new here, perhaps you will soon find out a lot of support and information is available here, and I hope with that, your outlook on your "life expectancy" can improve.
And, an additional suggestion...don't post what you might soon to regret when you're drunk! (just a little posting humor, there!)
Chin-up!

 

[65rosessamurai]

I doubt this post will get deleted...
However, some may disagree with your post. Most cases, some of us out here may throw in some supportive words.
I, for one, would suggest not to dread on the "down" side, but to have some hope, and take it as a challenge to beat the odds. Perhaps losing the fear of death is good, but "calling for death" is not. Either way, it's not how you die, but how you live that makes the difference.
Not every CF'r has the same degree of illness. I've lost some good friends, too, and I was even angry at the CF for it. However, since it does nothing but waste energy, it would make more sense to re-direct the energy.
Since you seem to be new here, perhaps you will soon find out a lot of support and information is available here, and I hope with that, your outlook on your "life expectancy" can improve.
And, an additional suggestion...don't post what you might soon to regret when you're drunk! (just a little posting humor, there!)
Chin-up!

 

[JazzysMom]

First thing I thought of was "oh boy here we go" LOL! First let me say that dying young sucks. No doubt about that. I am one that is not afraid of dying whether it be tomorrow or in 30 years. I am afraid of leaving my family (especially my daughter) behind. I have lost many friends to CF, but that hasnt put me in a different frame of mind about my own mortality. Not being afraid of death is one thing. Being sucked up into the thoughts of it with every fiber of your being is another. You arent living then. You are just existing until your death.

Next thing.....IMHO if you "seem" so scared/worried about your untimely death & walk through life like that then I can see how every guy you date and your Mon would treat you like you are made of glass. Your emotional/mental outlook displays/guides other people on how to treat you. OF course at times having a stronger attitude backfires. Because of that often times my family "forgets" that I am really sick LOL!


Third thing is that I know how emotional I got when I drank and like Fred said I hope you dont "regret" this post. If you dont regret it then maybe you can learn from it.

I dont want to sound cold/harsh/incompassionate, but you need to get a grip on your thoughts/emotions. Granted I am basing my whole response on this one post of yours. Maybe you arent normally this depressed, but if you are maybe you should seek professional help.

 

[JazzysMom]

First thing I thought of was "oh boy here we go" LOL! First let me say that dying young sucks. No doubt about that. I am one that is not afraid of dying whether it be tomorrow or in 30 years. I am afraid of leaving my family (especially my daughter) behind. I have lost many friends to CF, but that hasnt put me in a different frame of mind about my own mortality. Not being afraid of death is one thing. Being sucked up into the thoughts of it with every fiber of your being is another. You arent living then. You are just existing until your death.

Next thing.....IMHO if you "seem" so scared/worried about your untimely death & walk through life like that then I can see how every guy you date and your Mon would treat you like you are made of glass. Your emotional/mental outlook displays/guides other people on how to treat you. OF course at times having a stronger attitude backfires. Because of that often times my family "forgets" that I am really sick LOL!


Third thing is that I know how emotional I got when I drank and like Fred said I hope you dont "regret" this post. If you dont regret it then maybe you can learn from it.

I dont want to sound cold/harsh/incompassionate, but you need to get a grip on your thoughts/emotions. Granted I am basing my whole response on this one post of yours. Maybe you arent normally this depressed, but if you are maybe you should seek professional help.

 

[JazzysMom]

First thing I thought of was "oh boy here we go" LOL! First let me say that dying young sucks. No doubt about that. I am one that is not afraid of dying whether it be tomorrow or in 30 years. I am afraid of leaving my family (especially my daughter) behind. I have lost many friends to CF, but that hasnt put me in a different frame of mind about my own mortality. Not being afraid of death is one thing. Being sucked up into the thoughts of it with every fiber of your being is another. You arent living then. You are just existing until your death.

Next thing.....IMHO if you "seem" so scared/worried about your untimely death & walk through life like that then I can see how every guy you date and your Mon would treat you like you are made of glass. Your emotional/mental outlook displays/guides other people on how to treat you. OF course at times having a stronger attitude backfires. Because of that often times my family "forgets" that I am really sick LOL!


Third thing is that I know how emotional I got when I drank and like Fred said I hope you dont "regret" this post. If you dont regret it then maybe you can learn from it.

I dont want to sound cold/harsh/incompassionate, but you need to get a grip on your thoughts/emotions. Granted I am basing my whole response on this one post of yours. Maybe you arent normally this depressed, but if you are maybe you should seek professional help.

 

[JazzysMom]

First thing I thought of was "oh boy here we go" LOL! First let me say that dying young sucks. No doubt about that. I am one that is not afraid of dying whether it be tomorrow or in 30 years. I am afraid of leaving my family (especially my daughter) behind. I have lost many friends to CF, but that hasnt put me in a different frame of mind about my own mortality. Not being afraid of death is one thing. Being sucked up into the thoughts of it with every fiber of your being is another. You arent living then. You are just existing until your death.

Next thing.....IMHO if you "seem" so scared/worried about your untimely death & walk through life like that then I can see how every guy you date and your Mon would treat you like you are made of glass. Your emotional/mental outlook displays/guides other people on how to treat you. OF course at times having a stronger attitude backfires. Because of that often times my family "forgets" that I am really sick LOL!


Third thing is that I know how emotional I got when I drank and like Fred said I hope you dont "regret" this post. If you dont regret it then maybe you can learn from it.

I dont want to sound cold/harsh/incompassionate, but you need to get a grip on your thoughts/emotions. Granted I am basing my whole response on this one post of yours. Maybe you arent normally this depressed, but if you are maybe you should seek professional help.

 

[JazzysMom]

First thing I thought of was "oh boy here we go" LOL! First let me say that dying young sucks. No doubt about that. I am one that is not afraid of dying whether it be tomorrow or in 30 years. I am afraid of leaving my family (especially my daughter) behind. I have lost many friends to CF, but that hasnt put me in a different frame of mind about my own mortality. Not being afraid of death is one thing. Being sucked up into the thoughts of it with every fiber of your being is another. You arent living then. You are just existing until your death.

Next thing.....IMHO if you "seem" so scared/worried about your untimely death & walk through life like that then I can see how every guy you date and your Mon would treat you like you are made of glass. Your emotional/mental outlook displays/guides other people on how to treat you. OF course at times having a stronger attitude backfires. Because of that often times my family "forgets" that I am really sick LOL!


Third thing is that I know how emotional I got when I drank and like Fred said I hope you dont "regret" this post. If you dont regret it then maybe you can learn from it.

I dont want to sound cold/harsh/incompassionate, but you need to get a grip on your thoughts/emotions. Granted I am basing my whole response on this one post of yours. Maybe you arent normally this depressed, but if you are maybe you should seek professional help.

 

[JazzysMom]

First thing I thought of was "oh boy here we go" LOL! First let me say that dying young sucks. No doubt about that. I am one that is not afraid of dying whether it be tomorrow or in 30 years. I am afraid of leaving my family (especially my daughter) behind. I have lost many friends to CF, but that hasnt put me in a different frame of mind about my own mortality. Not being afraid of death is one thing. Being sucked up into the thoughts of it with every fiber of your being is another. You arent living then. You are just existing until your death.

Next thing.....IMHO if you "seem" so scared/worried about your untimely death & walk through life like that then I can see how every guy you date and your Mon would treat you like you are made of glass. Your emotional/mental outlook displays/guides other people on how to treat you. OF course at times having a stronger attitude backfires. Because of that often times my family "forgets" that I am really sick LOL!


Third thing is that I know how emotional I got when I drank and like Fred said I hope you dont "regret" this post. If you dont regret it then maybe you can learn from it.

I dont want to sound cold/harsh/incompassionate, but you need to get a grip on your thoughts/emotions. Granted I am basing my whole response on this one post of yours. Maybe you arent normally this depressed, but if you are maybe you should seek professional help.

 

[lightNlife]

You're not alone in this thought process. You expressed some feelings that I have struggled with myself. As to the 23 year old thing, remember that other people's milestones are not yours. We all have a different path in life. When I was 14 I started writing letters to my future husband, not even sure if I'd ever really have a husband. 8 years later, I had a huge collection of those letters, and was able to give them to Brad as a wedding present. (As if that wasn't cool enough, those letters are being published!)

Okay, enough about that. You probably don't want to hear this, but your parents may not let you go many places for reasons that don't really have to do with CF. I grew up with a lot of boundaries too. I resented them at the time, but I greatly appreciate them now.

CF doesn't have to limit you like you think it is. The best advice I can offer you or anyone in the same boat is this: Don't stop dreaming, and don't stop setting goals for yourself. And with those goals don't put yourself on some hurried schedule either. That's difficult to do with CF looming over us, but it's possible.

As to the "life expectancy" you're misunderstanding that a bit. 36.4 is a mean survival rate, not a life expectancy. It's a number that statisticians have come up with that basically says half of cystic fibrosis patients we documented in the year 2005 made it to 36.4, the other half did not. Sorry if that hits you a little hard. I know how much it stings to see a friend succumb to CF.

Only God knows our life expectancies. Don't get weighed down by that mathematical conclusion okay?

Be well. We're here for you.

<><

 

[lightNlife]

You're not alone in this thought process. You expressed some feelings that I have struggled with myself. As to the 23 year old thing, remember that other people's milestones are not yours. We all have a different path in life. When I was 14 I started writing letters to my future husband, not even sure if I'd ever really have a husband. 8 years later, I had a huge collection of those letters, and was able to give them to Brad as a wedding present. (As if that wasn't cool enough, those letters are being published!)

Okay, enough about that. You probably don't want to hear this, but your parents may not let you go many places for reasons that don't really have to do with CF. I grew up with a lot of boundaries too. I resented them at the time, but I greatly appreciate them now.

CF doesn't have to limit you like you think it is. The best advice I can offer you or anyone in the same boat is this: Don't stop dreaming, and don't stop setting goals for yourself. And with those goals don't put yourself on some hurried schedule either. That's difficult to do with CF looming over us, but it's possible.

As to the "life expectancy" you're misunderstanding that a bit. 36.4 is a mean survival rate, not a life expectancy. It's a number that statisticians have come up with that basically says half of cystic fibrosis patients we documented in the year 2005 made it to 36.4, the other half did not. Sorry if that hits you a little hard. I know how much it stings to see a friend succumb to CF.

Only God knows our life expectancies. Don't get weighed down by that mathematical conclusion okay?

Be well. We're here for you.

<><