Reality Bites...

[anonymous]

The past few days i have been severly depressed when its times like these cf kicks in more. I have come to a conclusion that i am almost gonna be 21 years old and feeling that the future i have always dreamed of is so far away out of my hands. i live at home with my 'rents and my sis and they treat me as if i was a child, i cannot go out at night without getting a trillion phone calls where i am and when im coming home and i cannot go out at night without my parents getting mad because i come home at like 2:30am and ontop of that i cannot go on trips alone. i hate having to sit around and watch all the people around me enjoy their life and me hating mine..how to cope with this?
I can only wish and dream of having a normal life and i find that it will never change i will always be on a short leash and that when i die i will be laying on my death bed saying to whomever around me and thinking to myself that my life was not lived how i wanted it to be.
i feel that not taking care of myself is the best answer to piss my parents off to make them realize that if they wanna treat me like im 5 then i should act like it and when i die they will feel bad and should have let me do what i wanted to do.
ya i know thats immature but how else am i supposed to feel when i feel that my life is probably half over and ive accomplished nothing. is giving up the only way to over come this feeling?
Is there anyone who can make me see why life is worth living when i cant live the way i want to live and i have to leave with a disease that holds me back from everything?
Ashley
20 f w/ cf

 

[anonymous]

Ashley,
I assume that you've told your parents just what you mentioned in this email re: feeling smothered? Is your lung function good enough that you could live on your own, have a part time job and maybe have some roommates to help pay the rent?
Take care of yourself. This too will pass. I've had stages when I've felt "dumpy" and I usually snap out of it after a few days. Not taking care of yourself will hurt you far more in the long run than it will hurt your parents.
If you feel that the depression does not pass within a week or so, if you haven't already, talk to your Dr. about it so that it can be treated. You'll be glad you did <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
You hang in there<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-cool.gif" border="0">

 

[kybert]

my best friend whos 22 has parents just like yours, but worse, and she doesnt even have any 'special' needs. she was caged in until finally she snapped and moved out. even though shes moved out her mum still annoys her. its gotten to the stage where everyone in the house she shares has to ignore her mums phone calls. even if she is out with me, her mum calls every 30 minutes to see what she is doing, where she is, who she is with, what she plans to do, when shes getting home [even though she is going to her own house] etc etc. her mum even followed her home from an outing one night just to spy on her! when she was younger she was never allowed to go to sleepovers, never allowed out past 11, not allowed to go to parties, not allowed to go school aged discos/functions and was watched like a hawk. because of this she has a very child like personality and she is easily manipulated because she has never thought for herself. that gets her into strife and then the cycle of her mum smothering her continues.

anyway, some parents are just like that and if they dont change by the time you are 18 then they will stay the same. if their attitude isnt to do with CF then the only thing id suggest is to move out. i dont know whether your health would allow you to do that, but moving out with a close trusted friend would be a good idea. that way if you get sick they can help you and you know they wont scam you out of money. if you cant do that then i suggest you ask why exactly your parents act the way they do. if its solely because of CF then id get a doctor, social worker or more easy going cf parents to talk to your p's.

 

[tessa55454]

Reality bites...it does sometimes.

What you need to do: first off it's o.k. to be depressed sometimes, then you have to shrug it off. It's stagnant energy, you have to make it move.

1. the best thing for you to do is to devise a plan to move out. Like the other person said: maybe with a close friend. Are you in college at all, try a dorm. If you are not in college, think about it...you can live.

I ran away from home briefly when i was 17, and I was eventually "sent-away" to live with friends of my mom when i was 17. IT took me to not talk to her when I was 18, I moved out and went to college in the PSEO program my senior year in HS. My mother still did not learn the lesson of respect and boundaries. I began speaking to them when I was 19 again, still didn't listen. By the age of 20 something, I did not talk to them for a full 5 years. I have been talking to them for a while now. They have finally realized that they need to lay off. I am the youngest, only girl, plus having CF, combined with a codependent, controlling, obsessive mother; all a terrible combo.

My mother has learned and approved a lot. She is just so happy to hear my voice now that pretty much anything I do or say, she's fine with. She realized she was codependent, and needed to let her daughter live her own life. Suffication is a terrible way to run a relationship. To care ofr someone is not to control them.

2. what you need to do is: if you can not move out, you are an adult, too bad for them. As long as you treat them with respect, that is all you need to do. It's good for parents to grow-up too. I still think the best plan is to move-out, you need your space.
Talk to the social-worker, the are great resources. Something can get figured out, their is always a way. It may be tricky and you have to jump through a few hoops, fire-hoops at times; but this is your life. You are in charge of your life, no one else. We do not live in the 16th century anymore, thank goodnes for that.

3. Stratigize: these are your options, open up the book to many options. Write them done and decided what is the best way to go. Talk to your doc, social worker, nure-practitioner perhaps. I did not when I was younger than 18, because my mother controlled everything, and I am not sure what would had happened if I did at that time. Later on, I spoke to my nurse-prac about a lot of stuff, and she looked at me and said," why didn't you come to me?" my doctor of many-many years, just looks at me and says,"some people never change, but that is not your responsibility."

Your responsbility is to take of you.

As far as watching your life go by, you have to make the first move, no one else is going to. I know it is not easy, I have had severe, and mean severe depression in the past, but know one is going to do it but you.

 

[luke]

Ashley,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, It pains me eveytime I hear of people who aren't happy with their lives. I just always think that our lives our shorter than most anyway and that every moment we do have should be lived and loved. I wish I could personally help you, but...of course I can't. I never had your problem and actually mine was quite the opposite, I was kicked out of the house when I still was in highschool and was homeless twice before I was 19. So as annoying as your parents are they could be worse, they couldn't care at all. Since I am unsure of your exact health situation I will recommend what I did, go to college, live on campus, meet people, have fun, be resposible with your health but live life to the fullest! Good luck, I wish you health and happiness.


Luke 29/cf

 

[timmy]

you know you're ar whining cause there is a lot of people worse off than u? anyways i think u should just go out and get a job. then if you can't hack it cause of health reasons at least you'll know how good it is to have people ther for you. now for depression i wouldn't go let them pump u full of zoloft maybe talk to therapist though. And #1: stop being a brat!

 

[Emily65Roses]

There are always people worse off. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck to be where you are sometimes anyway. The girl came here to complain about something that is obviously (and quite understandably) driving her nuts, and to ask for advice. Lay off, and let her do it.

 

[anonymous]

Is it Timmy or Tom? I'm confused.
Anyway, stop kicking someone when they're down. We all have those feelings once in awhile.
I don't mean to sound childish, but if you don't have anything nice & supportive to say, then keep it to yourself.
Maybe you should start a thread on the off topic category for pessimists, then you could get a few folks like yourself on there to have a gripe session about others. <img src="i/expressions/lips.gif" border="0">

 

[timmy]

ok ill try to be more motivating.............my bad.............i guess chicks are better w/ these sorts of questions
so my apologies

 

[luke]

Timmy Tom,

I also responded to Ashley and I am not a "chick". Maybe it had nothing to do with gender and more to do with maturity. Sympathy and empathy are not only emotions shown by women but hopefully all mankind. I bet if you showed these a little more you wouldn't be looking for negative attention on here.

Luke

 

[anonymous]

thanks for the advice everyone but its not that easy to just pick up and leave. I am on depression pills, ive talked to therapists, doctors and whatever they dont help. I have a g-tube that im not too fond of and my parents still take care of that aspect of my life. Obviously i have some growing up to do but my parents do to. Well maybe one day something good will finally come of my life.
Ashley
20 f w/ cf

 

[anonymous]

Have you tried talking to them in a way that doesn't cause you all an argument. Try getting with them to set some boundries along with you so your not feeling so smothered. I don't know just a suggestion.

Becky

 

[Emeraldmirror]

Screw them live with me <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Ashley 20 w/cf

 

[anonymous]

Hey Ashley! Reading your post made me cry because I totally feel your pain! The only difference is that I do go out places and my parents don't care! I live with my dad, I'm 20 years old and I too feel like more than half of my life is over! I look back and have achieved nothing! I dont' like doing my medicine around my dad because he makes a big deal out of it and says stuff like " so your actually doing it for a change!" It's like, if he just left me alone I'd probably do my medicine more. Have you ever talked to your parents about them treating you like a child? My parents have been treating me like I was an adult ever since I was 9! Leaving me at home alone and such things but always telling me that I was immature and this and that. I don't really like my parents too much because of all the stress they put me through as if I don't have enough stress anyway! My advice to you would be to explain to them that you feel as if you've already lived half your life, but haven't gotten to LIVE it! It's not fun living with CF, you have to go out and create your own fun! Good luck hun, and if you ever need anyone to talk to you may email me at wlndragon@aol.com. bye

 

[timmy]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>luke</b></i><br>Timmy Tom,
I also responded to Ashley and I am not a "chick".
Luke<hr></blockquote>

i may hav phraised that badly