Strange CF things,

[JennifersHope]

I started my new job a few days ago, It is going okay but I can't wait to go back to the ER, My old boss is the best, she came to see me today and told me how much she misses me and that I am definetly coming back down some day, Yippie...

Anyway, two odd things... One, My new boss had me meet someone that he wants to hire, he asked me to speak to her and told me that her son has CF... Well as I was speaking to her, turns out she also has CF as well as her son, she was diagnoised after she gave birth to her son... Never sick a day in her life..But she has started treatment, we even go to the same clinic and same doctors..... Her son seems to be sick often..

Anyway, we hit it off right away she was really nice... I hope she works with me.... Neither one of us culture anything on a regular basis...but how cool to work with someone that I can relate so closely to.

Anyway, to my anyway, one of the LPN nurses that I work with' s daughter has CF and she is driving me crazy... every two minutes she is saying, you don't look like a CFer, my daughter is real thin, your cough doesn't sound like my daughters,etc... FOr the past few days I have really tried to educate her about different degrees of CF etc... but she is making me nuts... She told me today that most Cfers really push themselves in life etc.... I told her that I to pushed myself etc. She kept saying "not like my daughter" I can't stand being compared to other people.... I know I don't have typical CF but I don't want to spend my day explaining myself to her, She thinks her daughter is the only one who has suffered... It makes me crazy... I have to find something to say to her to "stop her" from yappnig on, any ideas?????

Anyway, I just worked six days in a row 12 hours a day and I am tired and needed to vent..

ALso, one of the doctors I work with approached me and asked me to speak to thier cousin because his cousins daughter was just dx with CF.. So I did..I also gave them this website...

I just think it is odd to be surrounded by so many ppl related to CF in real life....


I am taking a nap now... Hopefully I will wake up and not be cranky about the nurse I am working with...


Give me your ideas of what I can say to her....to nicely stop her from comparing us.

 

[NoExcuses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JennifersHope</b></i>

It makes me crazy... I have to find something to say to her to "stop her" from yappnig on, any ideas?????

</end quote></div>


I would do just that - ask her to stop.

Be up front with her. Tell her that you're not OK with the comparison and you don't appreciate her comments.

Otherwise, it's never going to stop. I know you're a people pleaser and you don't like to do anythying that makes people upset, but here's my general rule of thumb....

"Don't complain about it unless you're going to do something about it" <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Mockingbird]

Grin and bear it, I guess.... people like that tend to get all defensive when you confront them; she'll probably think you're attacking her daughter, or something. Maybe just tell her you don't really feel like talking about CF anymore, or ever. Maybe she talks about her daughter so much because she's emotionally fragile about it, or something. Perhaps if you agreed with her for a couple days no matter what she says, ending every converation with a one word, "yep", then she would stop. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">

 

[JennifersHope]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>amy</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JennifersHope</b></i>



It makes me crazy... I have to find something to say to her to "stop her" from yappnig on, any ideas?????



</end quote></div>





I would do just that - ask her to stop.



Be up front with her. Tell her that you're not OK with the comparison and you don't appreciate her comments.



Otherwise, it's never going to stop. I know you're a people pleaser and you don't like to do anythying that makes people upset, but here's my general rule of thumb....



"Don't complain about it unless you're going to do something about it" <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"></end quote></div>


I think that complaining about it, venting etc gets it off your mind, EVEN if you don't do anything about it..

Actually though I was looking for things to say to stop it....

 

[NoExcuses]

no no no. ok i thought that might come off the wrong way. i have no issues with you venting about it here <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

if you were asking for ways to say stop it, my suggestion was to be upfront. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[EnergyGal]

It is a very difficult situation. It sounds to me like a very jealous lady who wants to put others down. I am sure you know that but just wanted to tell you what I hear from your post.

I have found that one anger leads to another even if it is addressed in a unaggressive way. You can try different ways until she gets the hint. I would try and avoid her conversations about cf. No matter what she says she might take offense to your comments. You can mention to her that you are working and like to think about other things rather than cf at this time. You can say if you really want to get into a conversation about CF let us have a conversation another time when the focus is on us not in the hospital. Just make excuses not to meet her outside the hospital.

If you feel the need to tell her the truth then say, you find her comments unproductive and from your own personal journey with CF you have never compared yourself (just like what you mentioned in your post.)

Or you can say, "so and so you sound like you have a very competitive edge to you" then laugh. "Is that the way you brought your daughter up"

Try to block her out of your mind and see what happens. Avoid her if you can and just keep on changing the conversation. She will get the hint eventually. Ignoring people is the best stradegy <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

When you are having feelings of frustration, focus on the moment and feel grateful where you are in life and do not let the negative BS robe your precious positive spirit. Take a few cleansing breaths and do not let the dyfunctional thoughts of others be in your thinking path. It is hard work but we can do it.

 

[EnergyGal]

I just reread your post. This lady is an LPN so there is definitely that competitive edge. Now that I think about it, do what makes you happy but keep in mind it is all about jealousy that you have CF and have a better position at the hospital than her (it is not about her daughter) and you are new and she has been there longer than you so she feels something that she needs to pick on you with. Ignore her stupidity. She sounds pathetic.

I have met some nurses who are truly pitiful. Here is a quote for you

"Cynicism is tough. A cynic's point of view is really pitiful. I derive pleasure out of a lot of things in life. As long as I'm fairly healthy, it's hard to stay dismal for very long.
Shawn Colvin"

 

[EnergyGal]

One good rule to follow. Do not give her your home or cell phone number <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Even Email. She sounds like the stalking type.

 

[JennifersHope]

Gee I hope she isn't jealous of me. Yes I have to be responsible for her because an RN is responsible for an LPN but we are all a team and really a team that is in competition with themselves is going to fall. Thinking about it, she has been real bossy with me the last few days, telling me what to do...which isn't her place.. But she keeps saying she doesn't mean to be bossy. She is really a nice person, just wish she would stop comparing me...She makes me feel like, how dare I say I have the same disease as her daughter...

Her daughter sounds very successful, she tells me all day long how successful she is, and how "normal Cfers" push themselves in life and that they work harder then the average person... I tried to relate but she was excluding me from the CF world based on how I look and that my cough sounds asthma "ish" and it does, but that isn't my fault.. and doesn't change my sweat tests any....

I think those are good ideas Risa. I am going to try to head her off.

Amy, thanks for clarifying. I agree that being direct in this situation will help.. and I just may do that....

Mockingbird it would kill me to keep letting it drag on and on....Good to see you post on the adult side again.

 

[Emily65Roses]

You know me, Jennifer. I'd go with Amy's approach and be up front with her. Yeah, maybe she won't like the confrontation, or think you're attacking her or her daughter, BLAH BLAH BLAH. But then she shouldn't be acting so judgmental and in my opinion, incredibly rude. If people mean well and you don't want to be confrontational, I understand that. But this woman can't possibly think she's being helpful to you. I imagine she doesn't realize how annoying she is, but it's not like she can think she's doing any good.

As for being emotionally fragile (I think someone said that), that's no excuse to be a b*tch. I don't get away with extra b*tchy behavior just because I'm sick and have had a hard life BLAH BLAH. When I'm a snot, I apologize for it and don't make excuses.

Thirdly, I might add that you have no major qualms talking about CF if there is a reasonable purpose, am I correct? You shouldn't have to tell her you don't want to talk about CF, because that's not what it is. <b>I would just straight up tell her that you do NOT appreciate her comparisons, and that YES, every CF case is indeed different, so there's no point comparing one CFer to another.</b> You may choose to word that softer than I did, but that basic message should get it across. If it doesn't, then I'd suggest getting b*tchy, but I doubt you'd go that route. <img src="i/expressions/devil.gif" border="0">

 

[coltsfan715]

Ugh I hate this for you. I can only imagine how it would be to face that at work all the time. I would tell her it is bothering you as well. I would try to say something in a way that almost seems flattering to her daughter, but also indicates that you are not comfy talking about it anymore.

Maybe ... "Your daughter sounds like an amazing youg lady, she sounds like many of the CFers I have known - WE are all strong and driven in our own right" ... then continue by saying something like "THAT is why I think it is wrong to compare the problems we each face, we each are dealing with CF but CF has so many faces it is impossible to compare experiences and situations."

If she continues I would just say "I really don't want to talk about this anymore ... WE have work to do"

I look at this as a jealousy thing, but not necessarily in regards to work. You may be one of the few people she has come in contact with that has CF - especially as an adult. It may be a bit of a shock to her to see how well you seem to be doing with your health. If her daughter is alot sicker than you she may be jealous of that and wish that you could realize how lucky you are (not that you don't) that you are so healthy in comparison to her daughter. Just a thought.

I hope that work continues going good for you and congrats again on the position.

Lindsey

 

[JennifersHope]

Thanks Emily, I was actually hoping you would post..

You are right, I guess it just taps into stuff for me because it took me so long to believe that I have CF, and I know it sounds horrible but I feel "bad" because so many ppl suffer more then me... I am not underwieght, I need to lose weight, granted steroids don't help but I am still responsible for my weight...

I feel like the CF freak sometimes, not EVER from this board, Ever.. but I still do....It is nice that I met that girl today that has CF and is like me.... She was dx because her son was.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have CF and it is really hard for me to accept it, especially since my lung disease isn't progressing. I am happy about it don't get me wrong.. but anyway, I can't help it, I am what I am.... Period.

I think I will have her call you EM and you can straighten her out for me.. HA... I guess I should grow some toughness and tell her myself...

I will be working with her all next week as well.

Thank again, I love how you guys accept me no matter what

Jennifer

 

[Emily65Roses]

I should think I don't need to tell you this... but: there's no need to feel bad about doing well. There's always going to be someone doing better than you, and always someone who's doing worse. No way to circumvent that.

Instead, because you <i>are</i> sick, and will still have a difficult life, there's no point in feeling bad for doing fairly well. Might as well enjoy your health while you got it. I know you usually do, but just feel like I had to say it.

Again, I say confront her. Especially if her comments are making you feel this way. That makes me want to be even ruder, personally. Luckily for you, you won't go the rude route, but you should say <i>something</i>.

 

[EnergyGal]

I like Emily's point of view but i would wait for a few weeks to see how this lady interacts with the team and see if she is just trying to be a bitch with you and she is jealous or she is testing you by seeing how far she can go by bossing you around.

She is using CF to get to you and she knows she is pissing you off. Just talk professionally with her and minimize the cf talk. If she is really getting to you about the cf and she is comparing you with her daughter then let her rant and say I am so glad that you can vent with me. I do feel for you and your daughter as she really does have a tough life and yes she has accomplished so much. Then say perhaps she needs to contact the CFF and tell them all about her life. Make her feel good and maybe that will let her rest for a while. I hope

 

[NoExcuses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>

You know me, Jennifer. I'd go with Amy's approach and be up front with her. Yeah, maybe she won't like the confrontation, or think you're attacking her or her daughter, BLAH BLAH BLAH. But then she shouldn't be acting so judgmental and in my opinion, incredibly rude. If people mean well and you don't want to be confrontational, I understand that. But this woman can't possibly think she's being helpful to you. I imagine she doesn't realize how annoying she is, but it's not like she can think she's doing any good.



As for being emotionally fragile (I think someone said that), that's no excuse to be a b*tch. I don't get away with extra b*tchy behavior just because I'm sick and have had a hard life BLAH BLAH. When I'm a snot, I apologize for it and don't make excuses.



Thirdly, I might add that you have no major qualms talking about CF if there is a reasonable purpose, am I correct? You shouldn't have to tell her you don't want to talk about CF, because that's not what it is. <b>I would just straight up tell her that you do NOT appreciate her comparisons, and that YES, every CF case is indeed different, so there's no point comparing one CFer to another.</b> You may choose to word that softer than I did, but that basic message should get it across. If it doesn't, then I'd suggest getting b*tchy, but I doubt you'd go that route. <img src="i/expressions/devil.gif" border="0"></end quote></div>

you and i were cut from the same cloth, girl <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[JennifersHope]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>coltsfan715</b></i>

Ugh I hate this for you. I can only imagine how it would be to face that at work all the time. I would tell her it is bothering you as well. I would try to say something in a way that almost seems flattering to her daughter, but also indicates that you are not comfy talking about it anymore.



Maybe ... "Your daughter sounds like an amazing youg lady, she sounds like many of the CFers I have known - WE are all strong and driven in our own right" ... then continue by saying something like "THAT is why I think it is wrong to compare the problems we each face, we each are dealing with CF but CF has so many faces it is impossible to compare experiences and situations."



If she continues I would just say "I really don't want to talk about this anymore ... WE have work to do"



I look at this as a jealousy thing, but not necessarily in regards to work. You may be one of the few people she has come in contact with that has CF - especially as an adult. It may be a bit of a shock to her to see how well you seem to be doing with your health. If her daughter is alot sicker than you she may be jealous of that and wish that you could realize how lucky you are (not that you don't) that you are so healthy in comparison to her daughter. Just a thought.



I hope that work continues going good for you and congrats again on the position.



Lindsey</end quote></div>


THanks Lindsey, I appreciate your comments

 

[EnergyGal]

I agree with Amy and Emily. This lady whose daughter has cf has a twisted mind and talking sense (telling her like it is) into a twisted mind never works. It is worth a shot to tell her straight up but she will try something else to get to Jennifer. Jealousy for some will always be that way. Be careful Jennifer. No matter who is wrong or who is right angry people are just annoying.

 

[JennifersHope]

Em you posted a few posts up about me not minding talking about CF. Yes you are right, I have become very open about it, willing to talk to anyone about it. I try to educate other ppl etc.. Just like you said though she crossed the line.

Now in a way, I am sorry I won't see her till next week. I can't wait to politely tell her to shush....I have a lot of good things to say to her now and also the encouragement to say it.. I am going to read this post again the night before I work with her so it is fresh in my head...

Thanks Risa also for taking so much time to reply.. Amy.. If I had half your boldness I would be never be walked on again

 

[JazzysMom]

I have a feeling that no matter how you handle this woman it wont be received well so you might as well be direct. Pointing out that comparing CFers is like comparing Apples to Oranges. All CFers have CF in common just like Apples/Oranges are fruit. Thats where the definite similarities lie. I wouldnt be able to hold my tongue & would use the direct approach also!

 

[NoExcuses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JennifersHope</b></i>

. Amy.. If I had half your boldness I would be never be walked on again</end quote></div>

God gave us all different qualities to make the world work.

I would be the worst nurse ever. And I have known many nurses like yourself who have been with me and helped me in my darkest hour.

So it's a great thing that we're all not the same. A lot of people would be very unhappy if I was their nurse instead of you! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">