too young to want a baby?

[anonymous]

I am 19 and have been with my fiance for 3 years now. He is a few years older than me and has a really good job, so therefore we are financially stable. We moved in together about 6 months ago and are getting married in a couple weeks. I've always known that I wanted to have a child some day and now that I have been with him for so long I would really like to have a baby now. I don't mean to sound selfish, but right now my health is probably as good as it will ever be and I know that it will probably just start declining. My pfts are in the lower 80's (down from upper 90's about 2 yrs ago). I just want to have a baby while I am still healthy and able-body. I take very good care of myself, and I have not been hospitilized yet. I graduated from high school and went to college for 1 semester and decided that college just was not for me. I work full time in an office, where I have been working for almost 3 years. It is a family owned business, so they know about the CF and are very understanding. I guess I am just asking if I am being selfish. We both want children, he is always talking about what we are going to name our children and stuff like that. I have never felt so strongly about anything in my life, like I feel about this. I know a child is a big responsibility and I feel I am ready for this responsibility. I would just like someone's opinion on this, and maybe talk to someone w/CF who has a child or is pregant.

 

[anonymous]

I am 19 and have been with my fiance for 3 years now. He is a few years older than me and has a really good job, so therefore we are financially stable. We moved in together about 6 months ago and are getting married in a couple weeks. I've always known that I wanted to have a child some day and now that I have been with him for so long I would really like to have a baby now. I don't mean to sound selfish, but right now my health is probably as good as it will ever be and I know that it will probably just start declining. My pfts are in the lower 80's (down from upper 90's about 2 yrs ago). I just want to have a baby while I am still healthy and able-body. I take very good care of myself, and I have not been hospitilized yet. I graduated from high school and went to college for 1 semester and decided that college just was not for me. I work full time in an office, where I have been working for almost 3 years. It is a family owned business, so they know about the CF and are very understanding. I guess I am just asking if I am being selfish. We both want children, he is always talking about what we are going to name our children and stuff like that. I have never felt so strongly about anything in my life, like I feel about this. I know a child is a big responsibility and I feel I am ready for this responsibility. I would just like someone's opinion on this, and maybe talk to someone w/CF who has a child or is pregant.

 

[thelizardqueen]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I've wanted children for as long as I can remember, and the only reason I haven't started yet, is because my boyfriend and I want to pay off debts and get a house before we start trying. If your health is good, and both you and your fiancee are on the same page about having kids, I don't see anything wrong with starting to try. That being said, your fiancee should get tested to see if he carries the CF gene, because if he does, then you'll have a 25% of having a baby with CF. You also have to keep in mind as well, that because of your CF, you will have abnormal amounts of mucus "down there", so it may be harder and take longer to conceive. Good luck though with whatever you decide to do!

 

[thelizardqueen]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I've wanted children for as long as I can remember, and the only reason I haven't started yet, is because my boyfriend and I want to pay off debts and get a house before we start trying. If your health is good, and both you and your fiancee are on the same page about having kids, I don't see anything wrong with starting to try. That being said, your fiancee should get tested to see if he carries the CF gene, because if he does, then you'll have a 25% of having a baby with CF. You also have to keep in mind as well, that because of your CF, you will have abnormal amounts of mucus "down there", so it may be harder and take longer to conceive. Good luck though with whatever you decide to do!

 

[Allie]

Actually, if he carries the CF gene, she'll have a 50% chance of passing on CF, with a 100% chance the child will be a carrier.

 

[Allie]

Actually, if he carries the CF gene, she'll have a 50% chance of passing on CF, with a 100% chance the child will be a carrier.

 

[wallflower]

I can't give you any baby experience stories, as it took me a long time to find someone worthy of being my babys daddy. And now I am at the age that I don't feel comfortable having a child. Part of it is the cf, and part is just being an older woman and the increase in complications that come with that.

I think 19 is pretty young in general to have a baby, but everyone is different. I always say that if you wait for the perfect moment to do something you want, you'll never reach that point.

Have you talked with your cf doctor about wanting to have a baby? Raising a baby is a lot of work, especially with health problems. It would be good for you and your fiancee to talk with your doctor or social worker about the reality of raising kids and having cf (which I know you'll get a lot of feedback from here). I don't say this to discourage you, as I don't think there is one cf mommy here who regrets having their children, but it's good to be realistic about what could happen down the road.

Keep us posted on your thinking process - I know there a many women thinking and going through the same things you are right now.

 

[wallflower]

I can't give you any baby experience stories, as it took me a long time to find someone worthy of being my babys daddy. And now I am at the age that I don't feel comfortable having a child. Part of it is the cf, and part is just being an older woman and the increase in complications that come with that.

I think 19 is pretty young in general to have a baby, but everyone is different. I always say that if you wait for the perfect moment to do something you want, you'll never reach that point.

Have you talked with your cf doctor about wanting to have a baby? Raising a baby is a lot of work, especially with health problems. It would be good for you and your fiancee to talk with your doctor or social worker about the reality of raising kids and having cf (which I know you'll get a lot of feedback from here). I don't say this to discourage you, as I don't think there is one cf mommy here who regrets having their children, but it's good to be realistic about what could happen down the road.

Keep us posted on your thinking process - I know there a many women thinking and going through the same things you are right now.

 

[JazzysMom]

I was 30 when I had my daughter. I dont know if I would have been ready in many ways at a younger age. I have always been financially stable tho for many years I was the one providing insurance etc & that made me nervous since if I had to quit I wouldnt have insurance. I did end up quitting, but thankfully had insurance thru my new husband by then. If you make a responsible decision & your health is stable...I say go for it. Getting older might make it more difficult to stay healthy during a pregnancy & of course the after care for the baby. All I ask is that since you are healthy now, you realize & your boyfriend realizes that at some point that will change. Its not a ??? of it happening, its a ??? of when. This being said, he HAS to understand that he could raise a child by himself. This was THE only thing that I addressed with my husband when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted him to truly understand the "unknown". The rest I had no worries! Good Luck & when you are ready to start.....let us know. We love baby stories!

 

[JazzysMom]

I was 30 when I had my daughter. I dont know if I would have been ready in many ways at a younger age. I have always been financially stable tho for many years I was the one providing insurance etc & that made me nervous since if I had to quit I wouldnt have insurance. I did end up quitting, but thankfully had insurance thru my new husband by then. If you make a responsible decision & your health is stable...I say go for it. Getting older might make it more difficult to stay healthy during a pregnancy & of course the after care for the baby. All I ask is that since you are healthy now, you realize & your boyfriend realizes that at some point that will change. Its not a ??? of it happening, its a ??? of when. This being said, he HAS to understand that he could raise a child by himself. This was THE only thing that I addressed with my husband when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted him to truly understand the "unknown". The rest I had no worries! Good Luck & when you are ready to start.....let us know. We love baby stories!

 

[wallflower]

It's funny how different people get different data on the same issues. I was told that having more mucus "down there" helped your chance of getting preg, because the mucus held the sperm in. All I know is that my doctor told me (very sternly) that I absolutly could get preg, and to use BC - while it was a relief to hear that cf women could have children, how embarassing to hear it from my cf doctor! While I don't plan on getting preg, everynow and then I'll ask a question about having a baby (cause it's still on my mind 15% of the time), and he does his best to not freak out. I'm not supposed to try getting preg without telling him first so he can test the amount of drugs that stay in my blood (and could hurt a developing baby). Urgh.

Allie, I think you meant to say that he'll have a 50% chance of passing on the cf gene. The child will be a carrier (because of the mother), but whether the child will get cf will depend on if the father is a carrier and passes on the gene.

 

[wallflower]

It's funny how different people get different data on the same issues. I was told that having more mucus "down there" helped your chance of getting preg, because the mucus held the sperm in. All I know is that my doctor told me (very sternly) that I absolutly could get preg, and to use BC - while it was a relief to hear that cf women could have children, how embarassing to hear it from my cf doctor! While I don't plan on getting preg, everynow and then I'll ask a question about having a baby (cause it's still on my mind 15% of the time), and he does his best to not freak out. I'm not supposed to try getting preg without telling him first so he can test the amount of drugs that stay in my blood (and could hurt a developing baby). Urgh.

Allie, I think you meant to say that he'll have a 50% chance of passing on the cf gene. The child will be a carrier (because of the mother), but whether the child will get cf will depend on if the father is a carrier and passes on the gene.

 

[miesl]

A few things to think about (and mentioned by other posters)

1) Have you talked to your FH about what will happen when your health starts to decline? Is he prepared to become a single parent?
2) Have you done carrier testing on your FH? (If he is a carrier, you will have a 50% chance of a CF child, and depending on the carrier test done, there is still a (small) chance of a CF child even if the carrier test is negative).
3) Talk to your CF doctors, what do they think about you having a child and the impact on your health?
4) Other than your FH, are you going to have some help taking care of the baby, especially if you plan on returning to work? (If not, can you afford day-care?)
4a) Insert things other posters talk about...
5) After 1-4a are taken care of... and you and the FH feel ready - go for it! It's not selfish to want kids now (and I don't think you're too young). Much luck to you!

-Michelle

 

[miesl]

A few things to think about (and mentioned by other posters)

1) Have you talked to your FH about what will happen when your health starts to decline? Is he prepared to become a single parent?
2) Have you done carrier testing on your FH? (If he is a carrier, you will have a 50% chance of a CF child, and depending on the carrier test done, there is still a (small) chance of a CF child even if the carrier test is negative).
3) Talk to your CF doctors, what do they think about you having a child and the impact on your health?
4) Other than your FH, are you going to have some help taking care of the baby, especially if you plan on returning to work? (If not, can you afford day-care?)
4a) Insert things other posters talk about...
5) After 1-4a are taken care of... and you and the FH feel ready - go for it! It's not selfish to want kids now (and I don't think you're too young). Much luck to you!

-Michelle

 

[Allie]

I said that. I said : <blockquote>Quote
<hr> if he carries the CF gene,<hr></blockquote> So, yah, if carries the cf gene it's 50% of having CF, 100% of carrier. well...it's 100% carrier anyhow, but you get the idea.

Edited to add :

Ah yes, the joys of single parenting. This is extremely important. I am raising my daughter on my own, and, barring extreme luck or an act of god, at some point he will be too. He needs to make sure he is okay with that, and that he's not just glossing it over. It is a VERY REAL thing. He needs to know that.

 

[Allie]

I said that. I said : <blockquote>Quote
<hr> if he carries the CF gene,<hr></blockquote> So, yah, if carries the cf gene it's 50% of having CF, 100% of carrier. well...it's 100% carrier anyhow, but you get the idea.

Edited to add :

Ah yes, the joys of single parenting. This is extremely important. I am raising my daughter on my own, and, barring extreme luck or an act of god, at some point he will be too. He needs to make sure he is okay with that, and that he's not just glossing it over. It is a VERY REAL thing. He needs to know that.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks for all the feedback. I was actually expecting to get negative responses, but I am thankful that I didn't. We have talked about all the risk and he understands. He has not been tested for the CF gene. I know that has to be done, but I am a little scared of what the results may be. I read on here somewhere about going to the OB/GYN and having your cervical mucus cleaned out, has anyone heard of that before or had it done?

 

[anonymous]

Thanks for all the feedback. I was actually expecting to get negative responses, but I am thankful that I didn't. We have talked about all the risk and he understands. He has not been tested for the CF gene. I know that has to be done, but I am a little scared of what the results may be. I read on here somewhere about going to the OB/GYN and having your cervical mucus cleaned out, has anyone heard of that before or had it done?

 

[anonymous]

Anonymous, it's not so much the cervical mucus that could affect your fertility (although that does as well) as the mucus that could exist within your fallopian tubes and ovaries.

Uhhh... I don't think it's possible to get them "cleaned out".

Have you even talked to your doctor about this? I think that should be your first step. Then you should have your fiance tested to see if he is a carrier.

 

[anonymous]

Anonymous, it's not so much the cervical mucus that could affect your fertility (although that does as well) as the mucus that could exist within your fallopian tubes and ovaries.

Uhhh... I don't think it's possible to get them "cleaned out".

Have you even talked to your doctor about this? I think that should be your first step. Then you should have your fiance tested to see if he is a carrier.