fondreflections
New member
I have been on IVs for 2 weeks now, and they aren't working. In fact, I am worse now than I was 3 weeks ago...
My FEV1 8 weeks ago was 67%. It then dropped to 57% after only having the two foster kids in my life for 4 weeks. I don't know what it is now, but the homecare nurse was out today, and nothing was good...Since yesterday, Thursday, I have been running fevers again of 100F. Also, my Pulse Sox dropped from 97% to 92% in 1 week, regardless of IVs. My weight is holding steady at 111 pounds, but I lost 5 pounds since the kids came into our care. The nurse also said that she could hear air move about in the left lung, but the right lung had very poor air movement. I'm also coughing up less now than 1 week ago. I'm very short of breath...
My CF doctor called and said that I MUST be admitted. At this point, I'm not fighting it...I'm miserable, honestly. If I agree to being hospitalized, you know I'm sick.
Since the children have come into my life, I can't rest. Agency workers are here 4 out of 5 days per week. All I have is nap time. My Mom has been here weekly to help with some of the household chores because I simply can't get to them. I had to take them to psych evaluations yesterday which lasted 4 hours!!! It was a nightmare!!! N had to throw a HUGE tantrum in front of everyone, and there I was trying to pick him up and place him in the corner while being kicked. He was so bad...
There was a meeting after the evaluations, and we were basically told that the children will most likely be in fostercare for at least 1 year, which at this point, my health can't take...
As bad as I feel about everything, Jake and I have come to a decision to have them removed. My health simply can't support it any longer. It's not fair to anyone, but I can't possibly be an effective parent like this either. The demands of both of them are too much for me alone to handle. Even Jake has had enough. He doesn't want to see me continue to suffer or not really be there for them either.
I must admit that I am done with fostercare. This whole experience has left a very sour taste in my mouth. It's really a combination between the kids, agency, and the kids' needy demands that I simply cannot support. I feel terrible about everything, but I can't do it. Certainly not with these children. Even still, I am done with both foster and adoption thoughts right now. I need to get back to square one and get some greatly needed rest. My Mom helped me all day yesterday, and Jake took off today.
Monday, I will be making the call for the childrens' removal. I won't rush another home for them because I don't want them to be moved more than they have to be. I just need to hold out a little bit longer. I will be admitted right after their removal. I don't know whether I will have to stay the whole 3 weeks or just for 1 week...
I just wish I could turn back time...I am so sorry...so very sorry...
<b>Updated 12/8/2008 - I placed the call for their removal at 9:15 this morning. I have no remorse or regrets. I tried so hard, and the kids have been that much worse since last Friday. They won't stop running and hitting my dogs. Both of them have nice eggs on their heads too from running into furniture while chasing the dogs. D, who is 5, also threw up all his food all over the carpet and bathroom because he decided to overeat. He also peed in his bed for the first time in the whole 9 weeks that we have had him...Neither can stop running...
I really don't care what the social workers thought about having them removed either. They knew all too well that they were too much for me from the beginning. They are suppose to be out by tomorrow at the absolute latest.
As far as my health, I am no better and no worse as far as my breathing is concerned. However, my weight is down to 108 pounds when it was 116 only 9 weeks ago. The kids have lots to do with that, though. My nerves are shot, and I want to puke most of the time. Forget having an appetite. I'm holding on but can't wait for all of this to over. I wish I could just open my eyes and wake up to this past May, before all this started.</b>
My FEV1 8 weeks ago was 67%. It then dropped to 57% after only having the two foster kids in my life for 4 weeks. I don't know what it is now, but the homecare nurse was out today, and nothing was good...Since yesterday, Thursday, I have been running fevers again of 100F. Also, my Pulse Sox dropped from 97% to 92% in 1 week, regardless of IVs. My weight is holding steady at 111 pounds, but I lost 5 pounds since the kids came into our care. The nurse also said that she could hear air move about in the left lung, but the right lung had very poor air movement. I'm also coughing up less now than 1 week ago. I'm very short of breath...
My CF doctor called and said that I MUST be admitted. At this point, I'm not fighting it...I'm miserable, honestly. If I agree to being hospitalized, you know I'm sick.
Since the children have come into my life, I can't rest. Agency workers are here 4 out of 5 days per week. All I have is nap time. My Mom has been here weekly to help with some of the household chores because I simply can't get to them. I had to take them to psych evaluations yesterday which lasted 4 hours!!! It was a nightmare!!! N had to throw a HUGE tantrum in front of everyone, and there I was trying to pick him up and place him in the corner while being kicked. He was so bad...
There was a meeting after the evaluations, and we were basically told that the children will most likely be in fostercare for at least 1 year, which at this point, my health can't take...
As bad as I feel about everything, Jake and I have come to a decision to have them removed. My health simply can't support it any longer. It's not fair to anyone, but I can't possibly be an effective parent like this either. The demands of both of them are too much for me alone to handle. Even Jake has had enough. He doesn't want to see me continue to suffer or not really be there for them either.
I must admit that I am done with fostercare. This whole experience has left a very sour taste in my mouth. It's really a combination between the kids, agency, and the kids' needy demands that I simply cannot support. I feel terrible about everything, but I can't do it. Certainly not with these children. Even still, I am done with both foster and adoption thoughts right now. I need to get back to square one and get some greatly needed rest. My Mom helped me all day yesterday, and Jake took off today.
Monday, I will be making the call for the childrens' removal. I won't rush another home for them because I don't want them to be moved more than they have to be. I just need to hold out a little bit longer. I will be admitted right after their removal. I don't know whether I will have to stay the whole 3 weeks or just for 1 week...
I just wish I could turn back time...I am so sorry...so very sorry...
<b>Updated 12/8/2008 - I placed the call for their removal at 9:15 this morning. I have no remorse or regrets. I tried so hard, and the kids have been that much worse since last Friday. They won't stop running and hitting my dogs. Both of them have nice eggs on their heads too from running into furniture while chasing the dogs. D, who is 5, also threw up all his food all over the carpet and bathroom because he decided to overeat. He also peed in his bed for the first time in the whole 9 weeks that we have had him...Neither can stop running...
I really don't care what the social workers thought about having them removed either. They knew all too well that they were too much for me from the beginning. They are suppose to be out by tomorrow at the absolute latest.
As far as my health, I am no better and no worse as far as my breathing is concerned. However, my weight is down to 108 pounds when it was 116 only 9 weeks ago. The kids have lots to do with that, though. My nerves are shot, and I want to puke most of the time. Forget having an appetite. I'm holding on but can't wait for all of this to over. I wish I could just open my eyes and wake up to this past May, before all this started.</b>