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Went to marriage councillor today

T

thefrogprincess

New member
So we saw the marriage councilor, and even though most of the session was just for him to get some background on us, I really feel like he can help us. He seems to be pretty perceptive. Several times when one of us was struggling to put something into words he would say "So, do you mean this....?" and he would hit the nail on the head. He is also from New Jersey, and since Brian is from New York he understands Brian's attitude on a lot of things. East coasters (especially Brian) really have no tolerance for hypocrisy, back stabbing, or betrayal (more than most people). Which is how Brian feels about his dad. But, Pete (the therapist) has been in Washington for 10 years so he also understands west coast attitudes, and how me and Brian clash because of the different ways we were raised.

Pete said that he doesn't feel like we are in "immediate crisis". He gave us some homework to do until we see him again in 2 weeks. Its a communication exercise, he said it will be very mechanical for us at first but we have to retrain ourselves and its gonna take baby steps. I really feel some hope for us, which I'm not sure I have EVER felt before.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
So we saw the marriage councilor, and even though most of the session was just for him to get some background on us, I really feel like he can help us. He seems to be pretty perceptive. Several times when one of us was struggling to put something into words he would say "So, do you mean this....?" and he would hit the nail on the head. He is also from New Jersey, and since Brian is from New York he understands Brian's attitude on a lot of things. East coasters (especially Brian) really have no tolerance for hypocrisy, back stabbing, or betrayal (more than most people). Which is how Brian feels about his dad. But, Pete (the therapist) has been in Washington for 10 years so he also understands west coast attitudes, and how me and Brian clash because of the different ways we were raised.

Pete said that he doesn't feel like we are in "immediate crisis". He gave us some homework to do until we see him again in 2 weeks. Its a communication exercise, he said it will be very mechanical for us at first but we have to retrain ourselves and its gonna take baby steps. I really feel some hope for us, which I'm not sure I have EVER felt before.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
So we saw the marriage councilor, and even though most of the session was just for him to get some background on us, I really feel like he can help us. He seems to be pretty perceptive. Several times when one of us was struggling to put something into words he would say "So, do you mean this....?" and he would hit the nail on the head. He is also from New Jersey, and since Brian is from New York he understands Brian's attitude on a lot of things. East coasters (especially Brian) really have no tolerance for hypocrisy, back stabbing, or betrayal (more than most people). Which is how Brian feels about his dad. But, Pete (the therapist) has been in Washington for 10 years so he also understands west coast attitudes, and how me and Brian clash because of the different ways we were raised.

Pete said that he doesn't feel like we are in "immediate crisis". He gave us some homework to do until we see him again in 2 weeks. Its a communication exercise, he said it will be very mechanical for us at first but we have to retrain ourselves and its gonna take baby steps. I really feel some hope for us, which I'm not sure I have EVER felt before.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
So we saw the marriage councilor, and even though most of the session was just for him to get some background on us, I really feel like he can help us. He seems to be pretty perceptive. Several times when one of us was struggling to put something into words he would say "So, do you mean this....?" and he would hit the nail on the head. He is also from New Jersey, and since Brian is from New York he understands Brian's attitude on a lot of things. East coasters (especially Brian) really have no tolerance for hypocrisy, back stabbing, or betrayal (more than most people). Which is how Brian feels about his dad. But, Pete (the therapist) has been in Washington for 10 years so he also understands west coast attitudes, and how me and Brian clash because of the different ways we were raised.

Pete said that he doesn't feel like we are in "immediate crisis". He gave us some homework to do until we see him again in 2 weeks. Its a communication exercise, he said it will be very mechanical for us at first but we have to retrain ourselves and its gonna take baby steps. I really feel some hope for us, which I'm not sure I have EVER felt before.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
So we saw the marriage councilor, and even though most of the session was just for him to get some background on us, I really feel like he can help us. He seems to be pretty perceptive. Several times when one of us was struggling to put something into words he would say "So, do you mean this....?" and he would hit the nail on the head. He is also from New Jersey, and since Brian is from New York he understands Brian's attitude on a lot of things. East coasters (especially Brian) really have no tolerance for hypocrisy, back stabbing, or betrayal (more than most people). Which is how Brian feels about his dad. But, Pete (the therapist) has been in Washington for 10 years so he also understands west coast attitudes, and how me and Brian clash because of the different ways we were raised.

Pete said that he doesn't feel like we are in "immediate crisis". He gave us some homework to do until we see him again in 2 weeks. Its a communication exercise, he said it will be very mechanical for us at first but we have to retrain ourselves and its gonna take baby steps. I really feel some hope for us, which I'm not sure I have EVER felt before.
 
R

rotandroll

New member
So pleased to hear this, Jessi. I am glad you are feeling hopeful. I am proud of you (and Brian) for taking the steps to help your marriage. I hope that things continue to progress positively.
 
R

rotandroll

New member
So pleased to hear this, Jessi. I am glad you are feeling hopeful. I am proud of you (and Brian) for taking the steps to help your marriage. I hope that things continue to progress positively.
 
R

rotandroll

New member
So pleased to hear this, Jessi. I am glad you are feeling hopeful. I am proud of you (and Brian) for taking the steps to help your marriage. I hope that things continue to progress positively.
 
R

rotandroll

New member
So pleased to hear this, Jessi. I am glad you are feeling hopeful. I am proud of you (and Brian) for taking the steps to help your marriage. I hope that things continue to progress positively.
 
R

rotandroll

New member
So pleased to hear this, Jessi. I am glad you are feeling hopeful. I am proud of you (and Brian) for taking the steps to help your marriage. I hope that things continue to progress positively.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Yes, great to hear that both of you are willing to work together to keep the marriage going.

I don't know if this helps any, but I had learned from my last marriage that marriage is not a "who leads who", but a partnership, in which the two do everthing together. My ex was always "me, me, me", and all decision making was seemingly done by her with my money. If I had a disagreement, she'd still go by her decision, often dragging me with the consequences.


However, in the short time that I realized how our marriage was, I took the time to see how my parents and sister's marriage was, I even had a bit of a "heart-to-heart" with my brother-in-law, who explained how it was a partnership.

So, my observation is that as long as the two of you have the willingness to work towards strengthening your marriage, there's still love in it, which will help it survive. Though from day one, marriage is always work for each couple.

Hope things go well, sounds like a good counselor from your description.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Yes, great to hear that both of you are willing to work together to keep the marriage going.

I don't know if this helps any, but I had learned from my last marriage that marriage is not a "who leads who", but a partnership, in which the two do everthing together. My ex was always "me, me, me", and all decision making was seemingly done by her with my money. If I had a disagreement, she'd still go by her decision, often dragging me with the consequences.


However, in the short time that I realized how our marriage was, I took the time to see how my parents and sister's marriage was, I even had a bit of a "heart-to-heart" with my brother-in-law, who explained how it was a partnership.

So, my observation is that as long as the two of you have the willingness to work towards strengthening your marriage, there's still love in it, which will help it survive. Though from day one, marriage is always work for each couple.

Hope things go well, sounds like a good counselor from your description.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Yes, great to hear that both of you are willing to work together to keep the marriage going.

I don't know if this helps any, but I had learned from my last marriage that marriage is not a "who leads who", but a partnership, in which the two do everthing together. My ex was always "me, me, me", and all decision making was seemingly done by her with my money. If I had a disagreement, she'd still go by her decision, often dragging me with the consequences.


However, in the short time that I realized how our marriage was, I took the time to see how my parents and sister's marriage was, I even had a bit of a "heart-to-heart" with my brother-in-law, who explained how it was a partnership.

So, my observation is that as long as the two of you have the willingness to work towards strengthening your marriage, there's still love in it, which will help it survive. Though from day one, marriage is always work for each couple.

Hope things go well, sounds like a good counselor from your description.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Yes, great to hear that both of you are willing to work together to keep the marriage going.

I don't know if this helps any, but I had learned from my last marriage that marriage is not a "who leads who", but a partnership, in which the two do everthing together. My ex was always "me, me, me", and all decision making was seemingly done by her with my money. If I had a disagreement, she'd still go by her decision, often dragging me with the consequences.


However, in the short time that I realized how our marriage was, I took the time to see how my parents and sister's marriage was, I even had a bit of a "heart-to-heart" with my brother-in-law, who explained how it was a partnership.

So, my observation is that as long as the two of you have the willingness to work towards strengthening your marriage, there's still love in it, which will help it survive. Though from day one, marriage is always work for each couple.

Hope things go well, sounds like a good counselor from your description.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Yes, great to hear that both of you are willing to work together to keep the marriage going.

I don't know if this helps any, but I had learned from my last marriage that marriage is not a "who leads who", but a partnership, in which the two do everthing together. My ex was always "me, me, me", and all decision making was seemingly done by her with my money. If I had a disagreement, she'd still go by her decision, often dragging me with the consequences.


However, in the short time that I realized how our marriage was, I took the time to see how my parents and sister's marriage was, I even had a bit of a "heart-to-heart" with my brother-in-law, who explained how it was a partnership.

So, my observation is that as long as the two of you have the willingness to work towards strengthening your marriage, there's still love in it, which will help it survive. Though from day one, marriage is always work for each couple.

Hope things go well, sounds like a good counselor from your description.
 
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