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In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a
building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started
a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when
a lightning...
A Kentucky couple, both bona-fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went
to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them "What
finally made them make the decision, and why after nine children, would
they choose to do this? "...
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants
he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies,
"Well, you could start by buying...
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how...
Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked."? Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the...
>Catholic Parrots
>
>A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
>
>"Father, I have a problem. I have two female
>
>parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
>
>"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
>
>"They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some
>...
Subject: GOLF VS SEX
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,
who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this
putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would
you be willing to give up one-fourth of your...
An Idaho farmer got in his pickup, drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 opened the door.
"Is your dad home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is your mom here?"
"No sir, she...
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before
I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights."
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he
looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now
that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom...
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front
seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep crowds back," said
one youngster. "No, said...
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it...
This doctor had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her
life. He finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all
her medications that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as
he realized...
A large company, feeling it was time for a
shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined
to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a
guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers
and he wanted to let them know that he meant...
A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. So, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' house each month.
Of course, the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Jimmy and...
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of...
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky
> all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time
> to visit the big city.
>
> In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks
> in it.
>
> Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the
> image staring back at him, "How about that...
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