Guilt

Diane · Jul 5, 2008

Last night my BF and i were talking, and i mentioned that i have a lot of guilt in me when it comes to my disease and my family. He cannot understand why i feel any guilt for what my cf does to me and how my family worries. I dont know about anyone else, but i HATE thinking that my parents and my brother feel bad for me. They never really worried about me so much as they have in the past 10 years or so. It's the past 10 years i have been having the most problems, and i noticed some small changes in everyones behavior around me. My father was never one to say "I Love You" before we hang up the phone, but lately he has been saying it each and every time. My mother gets so upset when we discuss the reality of cf and honestly i wish i could hide it all from her, but obviously i cant. AFter my last 2 embolizations she said to me " Im so sorry i brought you into this world of pain" and hearing her say that just breaks my heart for her ( not me). Great now my poor mom is blaming herself.... I DONT WANT THAT !!!! She does not deserve to feel that way. She has been wonderful to me all my life. I always remind my mother when she says how unfair my life is, that Life was unfair to my friend David ( David died 25 years ago at age 15 from cf )Not me.... i always tell my mom "i wasnt cheated , i am blessed". I had a great childhood with no symptoms of cf, a great family, friends, etc. I had /have things some healthy people dont. The real trouble started when i got cepacia 11 years ago. The other day i was on the phone with my brother and i told him i was getting an iv and he said " oh you have to have one again" ( just got off of one 2 and half months ago)and i could hear concern in his voice and that just makes me feel so bad. I feel like my cf is taking away everyones peace of mind ( including mine....lol).
I feel guilty that my family members have to be put thru this. I cant help BUT feel guilty. I know it isnt my fault, but i dont want them to worry and i know they do. Can anyone understand this ? Or am i just some sort of nut....lol

Diane · Jul 5, 2008

Last night my BF and i were talking, and i mentioned that i have a lot of guilt in me when it comes to my disease and my family. He cannot understand why i feel any guilt for what my cf does to me and how my family worries. I dont know about anyone else, but i HATE thinking that my parents and my brother feel bad for me. They never really worried about me so much as they have in the past 10 years or so. It's the past 10 years i have been having the most problems, and i noticed some small changes in everyones behavior around me. My father was never one to say "I Love You" before we hang up the phone, but lately he has been saying it each and every time. My mother gets so upset when we discuss the reality of cf and honestly i wish i could hide it all from her, but obviously i cant. AFter my last 2 embolizations she said to me " Im so sorry i brought you into this world of pain" and hearing her say that just breaks my heart for her ( not me). Great now my poor mom is blaming herself.... I DONT WANT THAT !!!! She does not deserve to feel that way. She has been wonderful to me all my life. I always remind my mother when she says how unfair my life is, that Life was unfair to my friend David ( David died 25 years ago at age 15 from cf )Not me.... i always tell my mom "i wasnt cheated , i am blessed". I had a great childhood with no symptoms of cf, a great family, friends, etc. I had /have things some healthy people dont. The real trouble started when i got cepacia 11 years ago. The other day i was on the phone with my brother and i told him i was getting an iv and he said " oh you have to have one again" ( just got off of one 2 and half months ago)and i could hear concern in his voice and that just makes me feel so bad. I feel like my cf is taking away everyones peace of mind ( including mine....lol).
I feel guilty that my family members have to be put thru this. I cant help BUT feel guilty. I know it isnt my fault, but i dont want them to worry and i know they do. Can anyone understand this ? Or am i just some sort of nut....lol

Diane · Jul 5, 2008

Last night my BF and i were talking, and i mentioned that i have a lot of guilt in me when it comes to my disease and my family. He cannot understand why i feel any guilt for what my cf does to me and how my family worries. I dont know about anyone else, but i HATE thinking that my parents and my brother feel bad for me. They never really worried about me so much as they have in the past 10 years or so. It's the past 10 years i have been having the most problems, and i noticed some small changes in everyones behavior around me. My father was never one to say "I Love You" before we hang up the phone, but lately he has been saying it each and every time. My mother gets so upset when we discuss the reality of cf and honestly i wish i could hide it all from her, but obviously i cant. AFter my last 2 embolizations she said to me " Im so sorry i brought you into this world of pain" and hearing her say that just breaks my heart for her ( not me). Great now my poor mom is blaming herself.... I DONT WANT THAT !!!! She does not deserve to feel that way. She has been wonderful to me all my life. I always remind my mother when she says how unfair my life is, that Life was unfair to my friend David ( David died 25 years ago at age 15 from cf )Not me.... i always tell my mom "i wasnt cheated , i am blessed". I had a great childhood with no symptoms of cf, a great family, friends, etc. I had /have things some healthy people dont. The real trouble started when i got cepacia 11 years ago. The other day i was on the phone with my brother and i told him i was getting an iv and he said " oh you have to have one again" ( just got off of one 2 and half months ago)and i could hear concern in his voice and that just makes me feel so bad. I feel like my cf is taking away everyones peace of mind ( including mine....lol).
I feel guilty that my family members have to be put thru this. I cant help BUT feel guilty. I know it isnt my fault, but i dont want them to worry and i know they do. Can anyone understand this ? Or am i just some sort of nut....lol

Diane · Jul 5, 2008

Last night my BF and i were talking, and i mentioned that i have a lot of guilt in me when it comes to my disease and my family. He cannot understand why i feel any guilt for what my cf does to me and how my family worries. I dont know about anyone else, but i HATE thinking that my parents and my brother feel bad for me. They never really worried about me so much as they have in the past 10 years or so. It's the past 10 years i have been having the most problems, and i noticed some small changes in everyones behavior around me. My father was never one to say "I Love You" before we hang up the phone, but lately he has been saying it each and every time. My mother gets so upset when we discuss the reality of cf and honestly i wish i could hide it all from her, but obviously i cant. AFter my last 2 embolizations she said to me " Im so sorry i brought you into this world of pain" and hearing her say that just breaks my heart for her ( not me). Great now my poor mom is blaming herself.... I DONT WANT THAT !!!! She does not deserve to feel that way. She has been wonderful to me all my life. I always remind my mother when she says how unfair my life is, that Life was unfair to my friend David ( David died 25 years ago at age 15 from cf )Not me.... i always tell my mom "i wasnt cheated , i am blessed". I had a great childhood with no symptoms of cf, a great family, friends, etc. I had /have things some healthy people dont. The real trouble started when i got cepacia 11 years ago. The other day i was on the phone with my brother and i told him i was getting an iv and he said " oh you have to have one again" ( just got off of one 2 and half months ago)and i could hear concern in his voice and that just makes me feel so bad. I feel like my cf is taking away everyones peace of mind ( including mine....lol).
I feel guilty that my family members have to be put thru this. I cant help BUT feel guilty. I know it isnt my fault, but i dont want them to worry and i know they do. Can anyone understand this ? Or am i just some sort of nut....lol

Diane · Jul 5, 2008

Last night my BF and i were talking, and i mentioned that i have a lot of guilt in me when it comes to my disease and my family. He cannot understand why i feel any guilt for what my cf does to me and how my family worries. I dont know about anyone else, but i HATE thinking that my parents and my brother feel bad for me. They never really worried about me so much as they have in the past 10 years or so. It's the past 10 years i have been having the most problems, and i noticed some small changes in everyones behavior around me. My father was never one to say "I Love You" before we hang up the phone, but lately he has been saying it each and every time. My mother gets so upset when we discuss the reality of cf and honestly i wish i could hide it all from her, but obviously i cant. AFter my last 2 embolizations she said to me " Im so sorry i brought you into this world of pain" and hearing her say that just breaks my heart for her ( not me). Great now my poor mom is blaming herself.... I DONT WANT THAT !!!! She does not deserve to feel that way. She has been wonderful to me all my life. I always remind my mother when she says how unfair my life is, that Life was unfair to my friend David ( David died 25 years ago at age 15 from cf )Not me.... i always tell my mom "i wasnt cheated , i am blessed". I had a great childhood with no symptoms of cf, a great family, friends, etc. I had /have things some healthy people dont. The real trouble started when i got cepacia 11 years ago. The other day i was on the phone with my brother and i told him i was getting an iv and he said " oh you have to have one again" ( just got off of one 2 and half months ago)and i could hear concern in his voice and that just makes me feel so bad. I feel like my cf is taking away everyones peace of mind ( including mine....lol).
 I feel guilty that my family members have to be put thru this. I cant help BUT feel guilty. I know it isnt my fault, but i dont want them to worry and i know they do. Can anyone understand this ? Or am i just some sort of nut....lol

MargaritaChic · Jul 5, 2008

Diane,
I don't think you are a nut (at least not in the case...lol!)

Do you think it would help at all to talk to your mom? Maybe if she understood things from your perspective she would feel more at ease.

As mothers we have guilt over alot of things that we have no control over. Maybe it would help her if she knew you did not hold her accountable for the 'bad' things in your life. Have you told her that you actually feel blessed for the life you have lead and for your childhood?
Other than that, I don't know if there is much more you can say or do to put your family at ease. But I don't think any of them would want you to feel guilty for telling them about what you are going through!

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

I do want to thank you for posting this. I think it will definately help me and some of the other mothers think about how we react to our children. On top of everything else you are dealing with I don't think any mother would want to add the burden of guilt onto their child.

MargaritaChic · Jul 5, 2008

Diane,
I don't think you are a nut (at least not in the case...lol!)

Do you think it would help at all to talk to your mom? Maybe if she understood things from your perspective she would feel more at ease.

As mothers we have guilt over alot of things that we have no control over. Maybe it would help her if she knew you did not hold her accountable for the 'bad' things in your life. Have you told her that you actually feel blessed for the life you have lead and for your childhood?
Other than that, I don't know if there is much more you can say or do to put your family at ease. But I don't think any of them would want you to feel guilty for telling them about what you are going through!

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

I do want to thank you for posting this. I think it will definately help me and some of the other mothers think about how we react to our children. On top of everything else you are dealing with I don't think any mother would want to add the burden of guilt onto their child.

MargaritaChic · Jul 5, 2008

Diane,
I don't think you are a nut (at least not in the case...lol!)

Do you think it would help at all to talk to your mom? Maybe if she understood things from your perspective she would feel more at ease.

As mothers we have guilt over alot of things that we have no control over. Maybe it would help her if she knew you did not hold her accountable for the 'bad' things in your life. Have you told her that you actually feel blessed for the life you have lead and for your childhood?
Other than that, I don't know if there is much more you can say or do to put your family at ease. But I don't think any of them would want you to feel guilty for telling them about what you are going through!

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

I do want to thank you for posting this. I think it will definately help me and some of the other mothers think about how we react to our children. On top of everything else you are dealing with I don't think any mother would want to add the burden of guilt onto their child.

MargaritaChic · Jul 5, 2008

Diane,
I don't think you are a nut (at least not in the case...lol!)

Do you think it would help at all to talk to your mom? Maybe if she understood things from your perspective she would feel more at ease.

As mothers we have guilt over alot of things that we have no control over. Maybe it would help her if she knew you did not hold her accountable for the 'bad' things in your life. Have you told her that you actually feel blessed for the life you have lead and for your childhood?
Other than that, I don't know if there is much more you can say or do to put your family at ease. But I don't think any of them would want you to feel guilty for telling them about what you are going through!

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

I do want to thank you for posting this. I think it will definately help me and some of the other mothers think about how we react to our children. On top of everything else you are dealing with I don't think any mother would want to add the burden of guilt onto their child.

MargaritaChic · Jul 5, 2008

Diane,
 I don't think you are a nut (at least not in the case...lol!)
 
 Do you think it would help at all to talk to your mom? Maybe if she understood things from your perspective she would feel more at ease.
 
 As mothers we have guilt over alot of things that we have no control over. Maybe it would help her if she knew you did not hold her accountable for the 'bad' things in your life. Have you told her that you actually feel blessed for the life you have lead and for your childhood?
 Other than that, I don't know if there is much more you can say or do to put your family at ease. But I don't think any of them would want you to feel guilty for telling them about what you are going through!
 
 I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.
 
 I do want to thank you for posting this. I think it will definately help me and some of the other mothers think about how we react to our children. On top of everything else you are dealing with I don't think any mother would want to add the burden of guilt onto their child.

JazzysMom · Jul 5, 2008

My Mom is someone who feels guilty. She has never said it, but her actions say it all. I also cant tell her the reality of things usually.

I never have blamed her or my Dad in any manner. I finally had to realize that its not ME its HER.

That doesnt make it go away, but it helps a bit. I cant change things & neither can you.

I dont have any real advice for ya just a big HUG!

JazzysMom · Jul 5, 2008

My Mom is someone who feels guilty. She has never said it, but her actions say it all. I also cant tell her the reality of things usually.

I never have blamed her or my Dad in any manner. I finally had to realize that its not ME its HER.

That doesnt make it go away, but it helps a bit. I cant change things & neither can you.

I dont have any real advice for ya just a big HUG!

JazzysMom · Jul 5, 2008

My Mom is someone who feels guilty. She has never said it, but her actions say it all. I also cant tell her the reality of things usually.

I never have blamed her or my Dad in any manner. I finally had to realize that its not ME its HER.

That doesnt make it go away, but it helps a bit. I cant change things & neither can you.

I dont have any real advice for ya just a big HUG!

JazzysMom · Jul 5, 2008

My Mom is someone who feels guilty. She has never said it, but her actions say it all. I also cant tell her the reality of things usually.

I never have blamed her or my Dad in any manner. I finally had to realize that its not ME its HER.

That doesnt make it go away, but it helps a bit. I cant change things & neither can you.

I dont have any real advice for ya just a big HUG!

JazzysMom · Jul 5, 2008

My Mom is someone who feels guilty. She has never said it, but her actions say it all. I also cant tell her the reality of things usually.
 
 I never have blamed her or my Dad in any manner. I finally had to realize that its not ME its HER.
 
 That doesnt make it go away, but it helps a bit. I cant change things & neither can you.
 
 I dont have any real advice for ya just a big HUG!

Alyssa · Jul 5, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

</end quote></div>

This is probably a very true statement... As for your mother...being a mother... you are never going to be able to stop her from worrying about you, moms can't help themselves...it's what we do

But I'm with Marla on the talking with her and letting her know the things you said in your post - that she is a great mom and she needn't feel guilty for your life. As for your dad, telling you he loves you now on the phone... embrace that ! Many men have a hard time doing that -- good for him! Who cares that he didn't do it before and now he does... that's not a bad thing..he obviously decided it was something important to start doing and made a commitment to change his habits -- I think it's wonderful!

You cannot have people who care about you not worry about you...people care and so they worry .... that's the way it is

But if it is the conversation or verbiage in how they express that worry to you that is bothering you then I suggest you pin point that and see if you can have a conversation about it with them.... otherwise be happy that you have people who love you (and tell you that!) and care enough about you to worry about you

Alyssa · Jul 5, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

</end quote></div>

This is probably a very true statement... As for your mother...being a mother... you are never going to be able to stop her from worrying about you, moms can't help themselves...it's what we do

But I'm with Marla on the talking with her and letting her know the things you said in your post - that she is a great mom and she needn't feel guilty for your life. As for your dad, telling you he loves you now on the phone... embrace that ! Many men have a hard time doing that -- good for him! Who cares that he didn't do it before and now he does... that's not a bad thing..he obviously decided it was something important to start doing and made a commitment to change his habits -- I think it's wonderful!

You cannot have people who care about you not worry about you...people care and so they worry .... that's the way it is

But if it is the conversation or verbiage in how they express that worry to you that is bothering you then I suggest you pin point that and see if you can have a conversation about it with them.... otherwise be happy that you have people who love you (and tell you that!) and care enough about you to worry about you

Alyssa · Jul 5, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

</end quote></div>

This is probably a very true statement... As for your mother...being a mother... you are never going to be able to stop her from worrying about you, moms can't help themselves...it's what we do

But I'm with Marla on the talking with her and letting her know the things you said in your post - that she is a great mom and she needn't feel guilty for your life. As for your dad, telling you he loves you now on the phone... embrace that ! Many men have a hard time doing that -- good for him! Who cares that he didn't do it before and now he does... that's not a bad thing..he obviously decided it was something important to start doing and made a commitment to change his habits -- I think it's wonderful!

You cannot have people who care about you not worry about you...people care and so they worry .... that's the way it is

But if it is the conversation or verbiage in how they express that worry to you that is bothering you then I suggest you pin point that and see if you can have a conversation about it with them.... otherwise be happy that you have people who love you (and tell you that!) and care enough about you to worry about you

Alyssa · Jul 5, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.

</end quote>

This is probably a very true statement... As for your mother...being a mother... you are never going to be able to stop her from worrying about you, moms can't help themselves...it's what we do

But I'm with Marla on the talking with her and letting her know the things you said in your post - that she is a great mom and she needn't feel guilty for your life. As for your dad, telling you he loves you now on the phone... embrace that ! Many men have a hard time doing that -- good for him! Who cares that he didn't do it before and now he does... that's not a bad thing..he obviously decided it was something important to start doing and made a commitment to change his habits -- I think it's wonderful!

You cannot have people who care about you not worry about you...people care and so they worry .... that's the way it is

But if it is the conversation or verbiage in how they express that worry to you that is bothering you then I suggest you pin point that and see if you can have a conversation about it with them.... otherwise be happy that you have people who love you (and tell you that!) and care enough about you to worry about you

Alyssa · Jul 5, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic
 
 
 I think we (women) spend too much of our lives feeling guilty or worrying about the people around us.
 
 </end quote>
 
 This is probably a very true statement... As for your mother...being a mother... you are never going to be able to stop her from worrying about you, moms can't help themselves...it's what we do

But I'm with Marla on the talking with her and letting her know the things you said in your post - that she is a great mom and she needn't feel guilty for your life. As for your dad, telling you he loves you now on the phone... embrace that ! Many men have a hard time doing that -- good for him! Who cares that he didn't do it before and now he does... that's not a bad thing..he obviously decided it was something important to start doing and made a commitment to change his habits -- I think it's wonderful!
 
 You cannot have people who care about you not worry about you...people care and so they worry .... that's the way it is

But if it is the conversation or verbiage in how they express that worry to you that is bothering you then I suggest you pin point that and see if you can have a conversation about it with them.... otherwise be happy that you have people who love you (and tell you that!) and care enough about you to worry about you

Guilt

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