We received a remote with ours, but like Skye said, we've never uses it. Apparently it's best functiopn is for young children and babies. I agree about the psychological thing, I'd be worried it didnt work etc.
The pump itself is very unobstrusive. You can slip it in your pocket, and it looks like a pager or phone. I dont think it's very obvious when you pull it out and punch in a couple of numbers.