Pain

Scarlett81 · Oct 1, 2006

I know this is off topic, but I have to get this out in the universe.

Some of you know parts of my personal history. I have adopted parents and biological parents-the "bios" I'll refer to them as....my bio mom I only started dealing with 3 years ago. (after I was given up when I was 6 and adopted) Well during the 18 years I didn't know her, she had another daughter, whom she also has lost custody of several times, ect... in and out of jail, rehab...

Last month I found out my "mom" lost it again, and was arrested and the daughter was staying with relatives. Yesterday I found out that dfys was trying to track me down b/c the girl, bioligically my half sister, needs a home. They threatened to get a court order that would order her to stay with me and my husband. (though I am sure that was an empty threat-I'm such a far removed relative, I don't think they can realyl do that). They just really need a home for her. OF COURSE-she is nothing but another innocent victim of a selfish loser parent. But its complicated-I have never had a relationship with her at all, and want nothing to do with my biological mom, who has only ever used and abused me. Every relative or person that has taken her daughter has been verbally and physically harrassed by my mother. The relative watching her currently-last night my 'mom' stole their car from their driveway and crashed it into a tree. I

've been through lots of therapy to get to this final point in my life where I'm managing all this past crap in a healthy way. For any of you that know me a little-I have just started 'living' my life.

Anyway, I don't want to get into it too much. This has been one of the most emotionally disturbing weeks of my life. I fainted today at wegman's, and had to have a worker there help me. It was terrible. My cold is obviously getting worse.

Only my husband knows about all this. We haven't spoken to his parents (who we are very close to)-about it. I just can't handle explaining it all over and over.

This week Kerry and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. Not much of a good week. His parents prepared a surprise little anniversary dinner for us, which was tonight. Of course I was nothing but grateful, but it was very emotional. All the little kids danced around, gave us homemade cards. They got us this beautiful bedding that I've wanted for like 3 years-got us a cake. It was so touching. I looked around at my family-MY FAMILY. This is the family I've always wanted. And now I'm 24 and I finally have it. These are the people I need to surround myself with. I'm so grateful to have my Kerry-who loves me so tenderly. And his family who love me unconditionally even though I'm not their own.

But it still hurts. I just want this to go away.

Scarlett81 · Oct 1, 2006

I know this is off topic, but I have to get this out in the universe.

Some of you know parts of my personal history. I have adopted parents and biological parents-the "bios" I'll refer to them as....my bio mom I only started dealing with 3 years ago. (after I was given up when I was 6 and adopted) Well during the 18 years I didn't know her, she had another daughter, whom she also has lost custody of several times, ect... in and out of jail, rehab...

Last month I found out my "mom" lost it again, and was arrested and the daughter was staying with relatives. Yesterday I found out that dfys was trying to track me down b/c the girl, bioligically my half sister, needs a home. They threatened to get a court order that would order her to stay with me and my husband. (though I am sure that was an empty threat-I'm such a far removed relative, I don't think they can realyl do that). They just really need a home for her. OF COURSE-she is nothing but another innocent victim of a selfish loser parent. But its complicated-I have never had a relationship with her at all, and want nothing to do with my biological mom, who has only ever used and abused me. Every relative or person that has taken her daughter has been verbally and physically harrassed by my mother. The relative watching her currently-last night my 'mom' stole their car from their driveway and crashed it into a tree. I

've been through lots of therapy to get to this final point in my life where I'm managing all this past crap in a healthy way. For any of you that know me a little-I have just started 'living' my life.

Anyway, I don't want to get into it too much. This has been one of the most emotionally disturbing weeks of my life. I fainted today at wegman's, and had to have a worker there help me. It was terrible. My cold is obviously getting worse.

Only my husband knows about all this. We haven't spoken to his parents (who we are very close to)-about it. I just can't handle explaining it all over and over.

This week Kerry and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. Not much of a good week. His parents prepared a surprise little anniversary dinner for us, which was tonight. Of course I was nothing but grateful, but it was very emotional. All the little kids danced around, gave us homemade cards. They got us this beautiful bedding that I've wanted for like 3 years-got us a cake. It was so touching. I looked around at my family-MY FAMILY. This is the family I've always wanted. And now I'm 24 and I finally have it. These are the people I need to surround myself with. I'm so grateful to have my Kerry-who loves me so tenderly. And his family who love me unconditionally even though I'm not their own.

But it still hurts. I just want this to go away.

Scarlett81 · Oct 1, 2006

I know this is off topic, but I have to get this out in the universe.

Some of you know parts of my personal history. I have adopted parents and biological parents-the "bios" I'll refer to them as....my bio mom I only started dealing with 3 years ago. (after I was given up when I was 6 and adopted) Well during the 18 years I didn't know her, she had another daughter, whom she also has lost custody of several times, ect... in and out of jail, rehab...

Last month I found out my "mom" lost it again, and was arrested and the daughter was staying with relatives. Yesterday I found out that dfys was trying to track me down b/c the girl, bioligically my half sister, needs a home. They threatened to get a court order that would order her to stay with me and my husband. (though I am sure that was an empty threat-I'm such a far removed relative, I don't think they can realyl do that). They just really need a home for her. OF COURSE-she is nothing but another innocent victim of a selfish loser parent. But its complicated-I have never had a relationship with her at all, and want nothing to do with my biological mom, who has only ever used and abused me. Every relative or person that has taken her daughter has been verbally and physically harrassed by my mother. The relative watching her currently-last night my 'mom' stole their car from their driveway and crashed it into a tree. I

've been through lots of therapy to get to this final point in my life where I'm managing all this past crap in a healthy way. For any of you that know me a little-I have just started 'living' my life.

Anyway, I don't want to get into it too much. This has been one of the most emotionally disturbing weeks of my life. I fainted today at wegman's, and had to have a worker there help me. It was terrible. My cold is obviously getting worse.

Only my husband knows about all this. We haven't spoken to his parents (who we are very close to)-about it. I just can't handle explaining it all over and over.

This week Kerry and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. Not much of a good week. His parents prepared a surprise little anniversary dinner for us, which was tonight. Of course I was nothing but grateful, but it was very emotional. All the little kids danced around, gave us homemade cards. They got us this beautiful bedding that I've wanted for like 3 years-got us a cake. It was so touching. I looked around at my family-MY FAMILY. This is the family I've always wanted. And now I'm 24 and I finally have it. These are the people I need to surround myself with. I'm so grateful to have my Kerry-who loves me so tenderly. And his family who love me unconditionally even though I'm not their own.

But it still hurts. I just want this to go away.

my65roses4me · Oct 1, 2006

Sorry to hear you are having
such a hard time with all of this. 
When we are put into a situation like this it makes the decisions
harder but not impossible. If I was in your situation I would not
take the daughter in. I understand that she is an innocent victim
but so are you. It is not your fault and you should not be made to
fell guilty about it. You need to make the choice to not feel
guilty for your moms *****! 
I to have a difficult parent that isn't always easy to deal with. I
have made the decision to not feel guilty for all he does. It is
not my fault, I did not create it and I cannot cure it!!!!! 
I hope your decision gets easier. But once you make it, it will
free you!! 
I promise!!!

my65roses4me · Oct 1, 2006

Sorry to hear you are having
such a hard time with all of this. 
When we are put into a situation like this it makes the decisions
harder but not impossible. If I was in your situation I would not
take the daughter in. I understand that she is an innocent victim
but so are you. It is not your fault and you should not be made to
fell guilty about it. You need to make the choice to not feel
guilty for your moms *****! 
I to have a difficult parent that isn't always easy to deal with. I
have made the decision to not feel guilty for all he does. It is
not my fault, I did not create it and I cannot cure it!!!!! 
I hope your decision gets easier. But once you make it, it will
free you!! 
I promise!!!

my65roses4me · Oct 1, 2006

Sorry to hear you are having
such a hard time with all of this. 
When we are put into a situation like this it makes the decisions
harder but not impossible. If I was in your situation I would not
take the daughter in. I understand that she is an innocent victim
but so are you. It is not your fault and you should not be made to
fell guilty about it. You need to make the choice to not feel
guilty for your moms *****! 
I to have a difficult parent that isn't always easy to deal with. I
have made the decision to not feel guilty for all he does. It is
not my fault, I did not create it and I cannot cure it!!!!! 
I hope your decision gets easier. But once you make it, it will
free you!! 
I promise!!!

Allie · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, my famiyl is a bunch of a-holes, and yes, not having the family oyu always wanted hurts....and like you, I have been lucky enough to have my hsband's family cherish me as if I were thier own daughter. And in my heart, I am. The pain of not having my own family love me has never really gone away, but with time, I am accepting that just because my mother had an avaliable uterus doesn't mean she has to love me, love is a choice. And Hannah chose to love me, and MIchael chose to love me, and that helsp a lot.

I know this was nigh useless, but I understand the pain of feeling lost by your family *hug*

Allie · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, my famiyl is a bunch of a-holes, and yes, not having the family oyu always wanted hurts....and like you, I have been lucky enough to have my hsband's family cherish me as if I were thier own daughter. And in my heart, I am. The pain of not having my own family love me has never really gone away, but with time, I am accepting that just because my mother had an avaliable uterus doesn't mean she has to love me, love is a choice. And Hannah chose to love me, and MIchael chose to love me, and that helsp a lot.

I know this was nigh useless, but I understand the pain of feeling lost by your family *hug*

Allie · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, my famiyl is a bunch of a-holes, and yes, not having the family oyu always wanted hurts....and like you, I have been lucky enough to have my hsband's family cherish me as if I were thier own daughter. And in my heart, I am. The pain of not having my own family love me has never really gone away, but with time, I am accepting that just because my mother had an avaliable uterus doesn't mean she has to love me, love is a choice. And Hannah chose to love me, and MIchael chose to love me, and that helsp a lot.

I know this was nigh useless, but I understand the pain of feeling lost by your family *hug*

Jane · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, you have to worry about yourself, especially if you are feeling badly. Too much stress will make it worse. You are so lucky to have a wonderful husband. Try to focus on the good. (easy for me to say, I know).
Don't forget-You have your forum family to love you too.

Jane · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, you have to worry about yourself, especially if you are feeling badly. Too much stress will make it worse. You are so lucky to have a wonderful husband. Try to focus on the good. (easy for me to say, I know).
Don't forget-You have your forum family to love you too.

Jane · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, you have to worry about yourself, especially if you are feeling badly. Too much stress will make it worse. You are so lucky to have a wonderful husband. Try to focus on the good. (easy for me to say, I know).
Don't forget-You have your forum family to love you too.

kayleesgrandma · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, as Jane said, you also have a big extended family here, and we can feel how much this upsets you. What an unfair decision to impose on you. You have to be "selfish" and think of yourself, and your own family in this situation. You are trying to start your own family, and handle yourself healthwise. You cannot live in fear that "psycho-mama" will turn up on your doorstep to terrorize you or your family. Stand strong in your determination to live your own life--you're not just doing this for yourself. Talk to us anytime you need to, we are here for you, and can feel your pain. Please take care of yourself, you have so many who care about you.

kayleesgrandma · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, as Jane said, you also have a big extended family here, and we can feel how much this upsets you. What an unfair decision to impose on you. You have to be "selfish" and think of yourself, and your own family in this situation. You are trying to start your own family, and handle yourself healthwise. You cannot live in fear that "psycho-mama" will turn up on your doorstep to terrorize you or your family. Stand strong in your determination to live your own life--you're not just doing this for yourself. Talk to us anytime you need to, we are here for you, and can feel your pain. Please take care of yourself, you have so many who care about you.

kayleesgrandma · Oct 1, 2006

Christian, as Jane said, you also have a big extended family here, and we can feel how much this upsets you. What an unfair decision to impose on you. You have to be "selfish" and think of yourself, and your own family in this situation. You are trying to start your own family, and handle yourself healthwise. You cannot live in fear that "psycho-mama" will turn up on your doorstep to terrorize you or your family. Stand strong in your determination to live your own life--you're not just doing this for yourself. Talk to us anytime you need to, we are here for you, and can feel your pain. Please take care of yourself, you have so many who care about you.

anonymous · Oct 1, 2006

There was a time when you needed help and im sure you would have loved
if you had a big sister to take you in so i think you should. it might bring hardship from your ma but you could develop a great relationship with your sister.Good luck

Tony
Ireland

anonymous · Oct 1, 2006

There was a time when you needed help and im sure you would have loved
if you had a big sister to take you in so i think you should. it might bring hardship from your ma but you could develop a great relationship with your sister.Good luck

Tony
Ireland

anonymous · Oct 1, 2006

There was a time when you needed help and im sure you would have loved
if you had a big sister to take you in so i think you should. it might bring hardship from your ma but you could develop a great relationship with your sister.Good luck

Tony
Ireland

Scarlett81 · Oct 2, 2006

I don't mind the opinion,
but I'll take the advice of my husband, my therapist, and doctor on this one. Of course, the same thought has run through my head-why? b/c I'm not a terrible person. I was given to-and it pains me deeply that I can not give to someone else right now.
NO child is a mistake-so don't misconstrue me here, but it is not fair that I should have to handle my estranged mother's mistakes. I have come this far, in order to have a life. To enjoy some of this life free from all the pain of my past-besides what life Cf will take from me already.
From a non-emotional point of view-taking in a 13 year old that already has tremendous issues and is in trouble could damage my health right now. Raising a baby will present enough issues-but adding a troubled teen?

Perhaps its good for me write this-I can explain it all to myself and see word for word how I feel.

Anyhow-again, I do not mind different opinions. Thats' what a forum is about. I was asking more for support on this one. And I would only add-and I mean this only a kind way-be very careful about advising people on a situation like this when you know so little about the circumstances. I can take it, thankfully b/c I have a good psychaitrist! But I'd feel terrible if someone like me, impressionable came here for support and got a guilt trip for not adopting their estranged mother's child.

Scarlett81 · Oct 2, 2006

I don't mind the opinion,
but I'll take the advice of my husband, my therapist, and doctor on this one. Of course, the same thought has run through my head-why? b/c I'm not a terrible person. I was given to-and it pains me deeply that I can not give to someone else right now.
NO child is a mistake-so don't misconstrue me here, but it is not fair that I should have to handle my estranged mother's mistakes. I have come this far, in order to have a life. To enjoy some of this life free from all the pain of my past-besides what life Cf will take from me already.
From a non-emotional point of view-taking in a 13 year old that already has tremendous issues and is in trouble could damage my health right now. Raising a baby will present enough issues-but adding a troubled teen?

Perhaps its good for me write this-I can explain it all to myself and see word for word how I feel.

Anyhow-again, I do not mind different opinions. Thats' what a forum is about. I was asking more for support on this one. And I would only add-and I mean this only a kind way-be very careful about advising people on a situation like this when you know so little about the circumstances. I can take it, thankfully b/c I have a good psychaitrist! But I'd feel terrible if someone like me, impressionable came here for support and got a guilt trip for not adopting their estranged mother's child.

Pain

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